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WWE Survivor Series 2017

by Scrooge McSuck

- Presented LIVE on the WWE Network on November 19th, 2017, from the Toyota Center in Houston, TX. Michael Cole, Booker T, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves will be calling the action tonight, depending on the matches, I guess. The Kick-Off Show featured Elias def. Matt Hardy, Enzo Amore retaining the Cruiserweight Title against Kalisto, and Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn defeated Breezango. The highlight of the entire set of matches was Fandango calling Sami Zayn a Paperboy... I think I have too much NES on my mind. Also, 15 minutes before the first bell is ridiculous and makes the show a bloated chore to sit through.

The Shield vs. The New Day:

What a surprising choice to open the show. New Day helped cost Ambrose and Rollins the Tag Titles, and have been the center of the #UnderSiege storyline. Ambrose and Kingston start with a nice chain wrestling sequence, ending with Ambrose slapping Kofi across the face. Woods and Rollins go next, with Woods laid out from a clothesline. Big E and Roman complete the trifecta. Big E lays him out with a shoulder tackle and showboats. Crisscross and Roman with an elbow and Samoan drop for two. Kofi blind tags, but jumps into an Ambrose clothesline. Triple clothesline takes Big E and Kofi out, leaving Woods trapped in the Shield's corner. Ambrose with a sliding clothesline and twisting elbow drop for two. Kofi in with the Boom Drop. Ambrose ducks Trouble in Paradise, but can't connect with Dirty Deeds. New Day with the Unicorn Stampede. Kofi posts himself, but Woods cuts off the tag attempt. Reigns and Rollins take the fight to the floor, with Ambrose hitting Woods with a tope suicida. Big E does the spear through the ropes and thankfully doesn't land on his head. Ambrose fights off a super-plex attempt, dropping Woods face-first. Big E tries his luck, but Ambrose fights him down with some ear smacks, followed by a missile dropkick.

Rollins with the hot tag, springing in with a clothesline, followed by the block buster. Sling Blade on Kofi for two. Buckle Bomb to Woods, and Roman adds a jumping clothesline for two. Woods counters the Superman Punch with a roll up for two. Roman hits the Superman Punch on the second attempt. Big E with a belly-to-belly on Roman. Rollins saves Ambrose from the Midnight Hour and takes Big E's head off with a super-kick. Rainmaker to Kofi, and Ambrose with Dirty Deeds for a near fall, broken up by Woods. Kofi and Big E get wiped out on the floor. Triple Powerbomb is interrupted by Big E, who sends Reigns into the steps. Kofi with Trouble in Paradise to Rollins. Woods with a shining wizard on Ambrose. Kofi and Woods with a double jumping kick to the face. My Network craps out, AGAIN, so I missed something good. New Day with a double Midnight Hour to Ambrose and Rollins, but Roman spears Big E onto the pile to break the cover. All six men brawl, leaving Roman and Kofi in the ring. Ambrose plants Big E with Dirty Deeds on the floor. Roman hits Kofi with a Spear, and a SUPER-Triple Powerbomb finishes at 21:28. They could've easily trimmed at least 5-minutes of that, but a good match to kick the show off. ***1/2

- Stephanie McMahon rallies the female troops without belittling them too much, and we get a commercial for a new animated film featuring John Cena. FOURTY MINUTES IN, ONE MATCH. Did Vince McMahon forget how to properly pace a show?

- I guess we're keeping track of wins and losses tonight, but WWE has always conditioned us into thinking wins and losses don't matter. Yes, I'm in a miserable mood, what gave it away?

Alicia Fox, Sasha Banks, Bayley, Nia Jax, and Asuka vs. Becky Lynch, Natalya, Naomi, Tamina (w/ Lana), and Carmella:

Seriously, how little has changed from last year? Tamina is in for Bliss on Smackdown, and Asuka is in for Charlotte on Raw. SAME TEAMS OTHERWISE. Tamina has new music and nobody noticed. Becky and Fox start. Fox with knees to the midsection and slaps in the corner. Becky comes back with a diving forearm, snap mare, and running heel kick. Becky with a guillotine leg drop for two. Bayley sneaks in with a school boy to eliminate Lynch at 2:05. Natalya with a snap suplex and boots in the corner. Another snap suplex for two. Tamina with boots to the midsection as the crowd chants for Asuka. Ask and ye shall receive. That last for about seven seconds, with Tamina getting worked over in the Raw corner. Tamina turns it around, taking Bayley into the Smackdown corner. Bayley cheap shots everyone, even Naomi, who hasn't done anything wrong. Carmella with a Super-Kick, and Tamina hits the Superfly Splash to eliminate the Hugger at 5:27. BAYLEY JOBBED TO TAMINA.

Tamina and Jax have the battle of the extra-large. Jax takes out Naomi, because that's the Raw theme tonight. They trade headbutts, knocking themselves silly. Jax with a tackle into the corner, followed by shoulders to the midsection. She crushes Tamina with an avalanche and comes out of the corner with a cannonball for two. Tamina with an unsuccessful attempt at a Samoan drop. Jax takes out Lana, allowing Tamina time to recover and connect with a pair of super-kicks, knocking her to the floor, where Naomi hits her with a springboard plancha. Tamina with another Super-Kick on the floor, followed by a cross body from the steps, leading to Jax being counted out at 9:03. Naomi rolls up Fox for two. Step-up enzuigiri knocks Fox off the top rope. Naomi misses a split-legged moonsault. Whip to the ropes, Naomi counters a tilt-o-whirl back breaker with a sunset flip... for three at 10:40. That'll be on Botch-a-Mania. Banks in with the Bank Statement to eliminate Naomi at 10:49.

Carmella with a snap suplex on Banks for two. Asuka with a snap mare and kicks to the back, followed by the running hip attack for two. Carmella comes back with strikes and the Bronco Buster. She makes the mistake of slapping Asuka, and that's just not smart. Asuka with a knee to the jaw and roundhouse kick for three to eliminate Carmella at 12:59. Double suplex on Natalya for two. Banks and Natalya trade slaps. Natalya with the Nattie-by-Nature for two. Banks with a dropkick to the face and double knees across the midsection. Bank Statement on Natalya, but Tamina makes the save. Natalya with a cradle on Banks for two. Banks gets thrown into the middle turnbuckle and Natalya with the Sharpshooter to finish Sasha at 15:14. Double stomping and suplex on Asuka. Tamina with a slam for two. She goes to the top, but her good luck1 is over, missing the splash. Asuka with the jumping cross arm-breaker for the tap out at 17:35. Natalya pounds away and goes for the Sharpshooter, but Asuka counters with the Ankle-Lock. Asuka with the spinning heel kick, Butterfly Bomb and the Asuka-Lock finishes at 18:25, making Asuka the Sole Survivor. What a train-wreck of odd booking, with Tamina getting shine as the most questionable. At least they weren't dumb enough to job Asuka in any form tonight. **

The Miz (w/ Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas) vs. Baron Corbin:

Miz is the reigning Intercontinental Champion, and Corbin the United States Champion. Please, be short. Even Axel's neck brace is Raw Red. THAT is what you call commitment. Maryse is sitting ringside for this match. Miz with a right hand and quickly bails. Corbin tosses Miz in the corner and crushes him with an avalanche. Axel interrupts Corbin's in-and-out spot, buying Miz time to hit him with a wrecking ball dropkick. Corbin taunts Maryse, again buying Miz time to attack him. Back inside, and Miz clotheslines him over the top rope. Corbin takes control, but I'm distracted by the terrible commentary pushing the idea that wins-and-losses matter suddenly. Corbin takes a spill over the top rope, but still won't sell. He avoids the wrecking ball and uppercuts Miz's teeth into the 4th row. Dallas cheap shots the knee with the referee distracted. Miz works the leg like he's Ric Flair. He applies the Figure-Four, and it's been worse. Corbin comes back with Deep Six for a near fall. Miz counters a choke-slam with an O'Connor roll for two. Corbin no-sells the leg, hitting a running clothesline. Dallas gets pulled in and hit with End of Days. Miz with a roll up for two. Miz counters End of Days and hits a snap DDT for two. Miz with the Yes-Kicks and running dropkicks in the corner. Corbin counters a third with End of Days for three at 9:25. No heat for what is basically a heel vs. heel match. *1/2

- Extended Kay Jewelry commercial with Bayley helping a fan pick out a ring to propose at a WWE event (before the attending fans are there, of course). I'm bloating the recap just like WWE is bloating the show. Even WrestleMania had better pacing... the one in Dallas! OK, maybe I've gone too far with that statement.

Sheamus & Cesaro vs. The Usos:

Non-Title Tag Team Champions vs. Champions Match. Anything should be better than the last match. Jimmy and Sheamus start. Sheamus with the side headlock and shoulder tackle. The Usos catch Sheamus in the corner for some punishment. Does Booker T even KNOW Corey Graves used to be a wrestler? His commentary is atrocious. Jey and Cesaro trade blows, with Cesaro getting the better of the exchange. Jimmy with an enzuigiri from the apron. Cesaro interrupts a plancha with the European uppercut while Sheamus plants Jimmy with a rolling senton. Back inside, Sheamus with a flying clothesline for two. Whip to the corner and double boots to the midsection of Jimmy. Sheamus with a clothesline and Irish Curse for two. Jimmy escapes a chin-lock with a jaw breaker, but Cesaro takes Jey out to prevent a tag. Sheamus with a shoulder tackle and Cesaro with the uppercut for two. Sheamus with clubbering blows across the chest, interrupted with a hangman across the top rope. Jimmy with a corkscrew moonsault. Jey comes in, laying Cesaro out with clotheslines and a Samoan drop.

Cesaro avoids the running hip attack in the corner and counters with an uppercut. Jey comes back with a backdrop into the turnbuckle, followed by the hip attack for two. Jimmy with a Super-Kick on Cesaro for two. Sheamus with a distraction, allowing Cesaro to swing Jey and slap on the Sharpshooter. Jimmy tries to save, but Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick. Jey somehow makes it to the ropes, a nod to last year where that sequence finished the Raw vs. Smackdown 10-on-10 match. Jey escapes White Noise and sends Sheamus to the post. Sheamus catches Jey off the top for the assisted White Noise, but Jimmy breaks the cover. Jey with an insane Samoan drop on Sheamus from the shoulders of Cesaro for 2.99999. Jey with the roundhouse enzuigiri and hot tag to Jimmy. Cesaro walks into a Double Super-Kick. Super-Kicks to Sheamus, including a sandwich spot. Jimmy tags as he hits Cesaro with a plancha, and Jey hits the splash on Sheamus for three at 15:56. Another slow start that picked up nicely and produced a good match. ***1/4

- Jason Jordan is still whining and saying he's 100% to step in... if he's needed. Foreshadowing?

Alexa Bliss vs. Charlotte Flair:

Charlotte won the Women's Title this past Tuesday to be inserted into the match. Charlotte with a knee to the midsection and an elbow, sending Bliss to the floor. Charlotte chases her to the apron, only to get taken down by the arm in an awkward spot. Bliss with a basement dropkick, knocking Charlotte into the steps. Back inside, Bliss with the world's smallest abdominal stretch. Charlotte goes for a slam, but Bliss falls on top for two. Charlotte with a roll-up, but Bliss kicks her off into the middle turnbuckle. Charlotte blocks a Tornado DDT and throws Bliss into the corner with an exploder suplex. Bliss straddles Charlotte across the turnbuckle and hits a dropkick with her hanging in the tree of woe. Bliss with double knees from the top for a two count. Charlotte blocks the Code Red, but gets taken over with a hurricanrana for two. Bliss with the Code Red on the second try for two. Charlotte blocks a DDT, but nobody cared. Bliss hops on Charlotte with a guillotine sleeper. Charlotte fights to her feet and connects with a sit-out Powerbomb for two. Bliss fights off a Figure-Eight with a right forearm. Natural Selection hits, but only gets two. Bliss rolls away from the moonsault and covers for two. Bliss with a DDT for two. Charlotte with a spear. Bliss with a dropkick to the injured ribs. Twisted Bliss meets the knees, and Charlotte finally finishes with a big boot (that misses by a mile) and Figure-Eight at 16:03. Sloppy, not much heat, and way too long. Seems to be a theme tonight. **

Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. A.J. Styles:

Brock is the reigning Universal Champion, and Styles won the WWE Championship less than two weeks ago from Tiger Ali Singh Jr, saving us from that colossal disaster. Brock boots Styles into the corner and runs wild with shoulders to the midsection. He tosses Styles across the ring and continues to punish him with knee strikes. Brock drags Styles across the ring by his hair and throws him across the ring with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Brock drags Styles back to his feet for a German suplex, then casually tosses him over the top rope, crashing to the floor. Brock follows, throwing him into the side of the announcer's table. Back inside, and we get another German suplex. Brock with a running high knee in the corner. Brock catches a kick and lays him out with a short clothesline. Styles starts to connect with a series of strikes, but a knee to the midsection stops him in his tracks. Styles escapes the F5 and tricks Brock into missing a high knee. Styles with a baseball slide to take out the leg and connects with a DDT. Styles with kicks to the left leg of Lesnar. Brock catches a springboard moonsault, but Styles escapes trouble. He goes for a Tornado DDT, but Brock counters, probably by accident. Styles with the Pele Kick to the back of the neck. Brock counters the Phenomenal Forearm, throwing Styles onto his face with a release German suplex. Lesnar takes a big bump over the top rope, and Styles follows with the Phenomenal Forearm. Styles with a tackle from behind, sending Brock's knees into the steps. Styles launches himself off the steps for another forearm. Back inside, Styles with an enzuigiri and springboard moonsault. Springboard 450 Splash connects for two. Brock easily counters the Styles Clash, but Styles counters the F5 with the Calf-Crusher! Brock hooks Styles by the neck, slamming his head into the canvas repeatedly to force a break. Styles avoids another F5 and nails a forearm from the apron. Phenomenal Forearm for another near fall. Styles goes to the well one too many times and gets caught with the F5 to finish at 15:20. Brock gave us more than the usual formula, so that's always a plus. Imagine how boring this would've been with Mahal in Styles' place? Thankfully they kept it clean, without any nonsense from Mahal to ruin things. ****

Kurt Angle, Triple H, Samoa Joe, Finn Balor, and Braun Strowman vs. Shane McMahon, John Cena, Randy Orton, Shinsuke Nakamura, and Bobby Roode:

If this were 10 years ago, I'd ask if someone's EWR went crazy. I'll set the over/under for cheap finishes at a reasonable 1.5. There's just too many high-level talents in the match to expect clean finishes for all of them, and so many possibilities. Thankfully, Triple H left the crimson red trunks at home. He also gives Finn the most casual "2 Sweet" I've ever seen. Shane attacks Braun from behind a gets thrown across the ring for it. Joe with a side headlock and shoulder tackle to Orton. Joe avoids the RKO and teases the Coquina Clutch, but Orton escapes. Nakamura and Balor remind fans of how cool they were back in NXT. They do a quick exchange, with neither gaining an advantage. Hunter wants to give it a shot and Nakamura dares him to bring it on. Hunter teases a clean break but lays into Shinsuke with rights. Nakamura returns the favor with knee strikes and a kick to the chest. Whip and Hunter with the face-buster. Roode tags himself in as the parade of dream matches continues. They have a shoving match before Roode taunts him with his Glorious pose. Roode backs Hunter into the corner with rights, followed by a clothesline for only a one-count. Whip reversal and Hunter with his signature spine-buster. Roode escapes the Pedigree with answers with a spine-buster of his own. They take turns countering their finishers until Angle tags in and takes Roode over with a series of German suplexes. Roode counters the Angle Slam with an arm drag and both men go down via a clothesline. Nakamura in with a running knee to Angle and a cheap shot to Strowman. Whip to the corner, Nakamura sets Angle across the top rope and drives a knee into the midsection. He nails everyone on Raw with various leg strikes, including a Kinshasa to Triple H. Strowman tosses him to the corner, but takes a flying knee to the chest. Strowman catches him with a Power-Slam for the first elimination at 11:32. Well, someone had to be first. Roode escapes a choke-slam, throwing rights and coming off the middle rope with a Block Buster, but Strowman won't stay down for even a one-count. Strowman no-sells a second attempt and hits a Power-slam for another elimination at 12:24, leaving Shane, Orton, and Cena for Team Smackdown. Insert "push the new guys" joke here... even if both are in their mid/late 30's.

Joe and Strowman get into a random shoving match, then Hunter and Angle. Orton from behind, knocking Angle and Hunter into each other. Orton with a snap powerslam on Joe. Cena and Orton unite to take Strowman out of the ring, but he's not selling for long and undresses one of the tables. Orton and Cena regain control, and Shinsuke and Roode return to help put Strowman through the table with a suplex. Shane sees his opportunity, but Joe sneaks in to take Shane off the top with an over-head slam. Shane escapes the Coquina Clutch and tags in Cena. Joe catches him with an inverted atomic drop, running boot, and senton for two. Joe with a uranage. Balor tags himself in, but Joe does the same and we get more bickering. Cena with the AA on Joe, then an AA on Balor. Another AA to Joe to eliminate him at 18:04. Angle steps in for some throwback to 2002 Smackdown, taking Cena down with a waist-lock. They trade side headlocks and shoulder tackles. Cena comes off the ropes with diving shoulder tackles, followed by the back suplex. Angle counters the Five-Knuckle Shuffle with the Ankle-Lock, but Cena kicks free. Angle counters the AA with an Olympic Slam for two. Balor with the Coup de Grace, and Angle hits another Olympic Slam for three at 21:55!

Orton with the Garvin Stomp on Angle. He misses a jumping knee drop, allowing Angle to tag out to Balor. He catches Orton with a roundhouse kick and double stomp across the midsection. He follows Shane to the floor and sends him crashing into the barricade with a shotgun dropkick. Back inside, he hits Orton with a Sling Blade and shotgun dropkick. Orton avoids the Coup de Grace and hits the RKO for the elimination of Balor at 23:35. I know Strowman is still technically in the match, but we've got Angle and HHH vs. Orton and Shane... and it's 2017. Orton shoves Hunter into Angle and connects with a reverse back breaker. Suddenly, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn come out to attack Shane, tossing him over the announcer's table (that isn't broken). Shane retaliates with chair shots on both men. KO gets hit with an RKO, because why not. Strowman has come back to life, too. He runs over Orton with a clothesline and hits the Powerslam for three at 26:37, leaving SHANE, THE GM OF SMACKDOWN, alone against Strowman, the Raw GM, and the COO of WWE. Again, not making that up.

Shane eventually returns to his corner to resume the match. Hunter tags himself in, cheesing Strowman off. Angle tags himself in, to further create trouble on the side of team Raw. For the love of God, let the overbooking begin. Shane school boys Angle for two. Russian leg sweep for two. Shane potatoes him like crazy and hits a diving elbow for two. Oklahoma roll for two. Laying the Smackdown DDT for two. Angle with the Olympic Slam and Ankle Lock, but Shane won't quit. Hunter grows tired of it and hits Angle with the Pedigree because... who the fuck knows at this point. Then he puts Shane on top for the three-count at 31:57. Awful bump, too. Triple H teases being on Shane's side, but quickly plants him with a Pedigree, too, because TRIPLE H IS THE MAIN FOCUS OF A PPV IN 2017, and we're done at 33:18. Wow, the one match that should've delivered was just a match with all the part-timers standing tall by the end and rushing into a finale with no drama. Kudos WWE, you somehow ruined a can't miss opportunity. **1/4

- Post-match, Strowman threatens Hunter not to play him, or else. Hunter tries a Pedigree, but Strowman counters with the running Powerslam. Hey, he warned him.

Final Thoughts: Brock vs. A.J. is worth watching if you're into Brock matches, and there's a couple of good tag team matches, but the Main 5-on-5 Elimination Match fell way short of expectations with dull booking and a heatless ending. Miz/Corbin and Bliss/Charlotte were both skippable matches, and I feel sorry for anyone that had to sit through the Kickoff Show for three more heatless matches. Recommended to watch NXT WarGames than this edition of Survivor Series.

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