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WWF Survivor Series 2001
by Scrooge McSuck

- My reaction to hearing it announced on Monday Night Raw that the Invasion would end at the Survivor Series: Thank you, God! What started off as something exciting as fresh gradually spiraled down the drain like the turd it turned out to be. WWF vs. WCW turned into WWF vs. The Alliance, consisting mostly of WWF workers, some of who have never even worked for WCW (I'm looking at you Test and Kurt Angle!), and our fresh new matches became the same old crap we've seen countless times already. How anyone can possibly screw this up is just impossible. So impossible, it's very probable that the storyline was intended to fail, just to prove how superior the WWF really was to WCW, that WCW couldn't compete with the WWF, and WCW alone wasn't enough to generate an audience, so the WWF had to turn WCW into WWF Jr. (a.k.a Alliance) to justify it being around. With that out of the way, my thoughts and opinions on the rest of the show will be purely based on the quality of what is presented.

- Originally broadcasted on Pay-Per-View, live from the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, NC, on November 18th, 2001. Jim Ross (of the WWF) and Paul Heyman (of the "Alliance") are calling all the action tonight. Guess what theme song is used to hammer home "this is the end" of the Invasion angle? Atlantis, by Donovan, of course! Oh, and the second theme song is "Control" by Puddle of Mudd.

WWF European Championship Match:
Christian © vs. Al Snow:

What the hell is Al Snow doing on a WWF PPV circa 2001? Christian is an Alliance member, trying to escape Edge's shadow. It's forgiveable, because he's got that awesomely bad Opera intro for his theme music. This match was made roughly an hour earlier because of something dumb on Sunday Night Heat. For some reason, Snow comes out to Maven's theme... nevermind, Maven didn't start making regular appearances for another month or two. I guess Maven ripped it from Snow, then. Lockup, and Snow with a takedown. For some reason, Christian smacks Snow's ass trying to escape. Snow with a shoulder block and school boy for a two count. Shouldn't Snow be a member of the Invasion? I thought his original gimmick was coming to WWF from ECW, after years and years of rejection? Christian takes control and takes Snow down with a russian leg sweep for a two count. Chinlock, already. Snow fights free with elbows and it's slugfest time. Christian goes low with a knee and takes Snow over with a double-underhook for a two count. Christian with taunting and choking in the corner. Snow mounts a comeback with rights and lefts, followed by a series of headbutts to the chest. Whip to the corner, and Snow with a clothesline to the back of the head. Christian ducks the rest of the Boomerang, but takes a side kick to the chest. Snow eats boot on a charge to the corner, but has enough to hit a makeshift powerbomb on Christian for a two count. Christian rakes the eyes of Snow, busy arguing with the referee, and hits the reverse DDT. Christian with smack talk, and Snow traps him with a small package for a two count. Snow to the top rope for a high cross body, but Christian follows through for another two count. Snow with the Snow-Plow, but Christian hooks the rope. It's a game of cat-and-mouse now, Christian surprises Snow with a low blow, and the Unprettier ends things at 6:30. Solid match to open the card with. I'm surprised to see the crowd into the near falls considering Snow's lack of consistant appearances, but maybe Christian was that hated?

- Just a quick note: You're porobably wondering "if Team X wins, what about champions from the "other" side?" Well, the loop-hole for that is that any Alliance/WWF member that ends the night a Champion, will remain employed, even if his team loses the Winner Takes All Match, so Christian will still be around, just incase the Alliance loses.

- I'm going to ignore a lot of the backstage stuff concerning all the pep-talks for the "Winner Takes All" Match, because it's the same shit over and over again. People are nervous, tension is high, you know, the usual for a pre-determined form of entertainment. Oh, and Vince McMahon drops the S-bomb. Yay.

Tajiri vs. William Regal:

Regal's theme music intro from around this time reminds me of a James Bond Villain. Regal is the Commissioner of the Alliance (how does that work?), and turned on the WWF following the No Mercy PPV. Tajiri is the reigning WCW Cruiserweight Champion, and would've been in a Unification Match with the only WWF heel (X-Pac), but he lost his smile or something, so we got this. Tajiri kicks away, but Regal blocks most of them and takes Tajiri down with a fireman's carry roll. Regal with knees to the chest and a running knee to the side of the head. Tajiri with a basement dropkick, followed by kicks to the left leg. Regal fights back with forearms, and then we get an unusual spot near the ropes. Whip to the corner, and Tajiri with the Tarantula. We see Regal has either a bloody nose or lip. Irish whip, and Tajiri with a hand-spring elbow for a two count. Regal dumps Tajiri over the ropes, trapping his neck in between them in the process. Regal with a double-underhook, but Tajiri counters and hits a roundhouse kick to the back of the head. Regal ducks another kick and hits the double underhook powerbomb for the three count at a brisk 2:58. Well, that was short, and a bit sloppy. I say this a lot when talking about Regal, but incredibly contrasting styles here. After the match, Regal gives Tajiri another powerbomb. Torrie runs down to the ring to check on her man (who says size matters?), and Regal comes back, again, and powerbombs her. She takes a good bump, at least.

WWF Intercontinental & WCW United States Championship Unification Match:
Edge (US Champion) vs. Test (Intercontinental Champion):

Test made one of those random jumps to the Alliance, but at least his made sense, because of his undying loyalty to Shane McMahon, ever since trying to kill him at SummerSlam '99 in one of those underrated brawls from it's time (because there was so God damn many of them, thanks Russo). Lockup to start, and we get a surprisingly clean break from Test. Not-so-clean of a break the next time, and it's on like Donkey Kong. Edge with a cross body press, but doesn't even get a one count. Test pounds away on Edge in the corner, then nails him with a clothesline. We head outside, where Test drops Edge across the security wall. My thinking during this match, as it originally happend: Just get to the fucking Survivor Series match. Back in the ring, and Edge with a hip toss and dropkick, sending Test out of the ring. Edge with a baseball slide, then rams Test into the wall as retribution for earlier. Back inside, and Edge with a swinging neckbreaker for a one count. Edge charges, but gets dropped across the top rope, and Test with a clothesline. Whip to the corner, and Test hits another clothesline. Test takes Edge over with a snapmare, and it's chinlock time! Edge fights out, and comes off the ropes with a dropkick for a two count. Test quickly comes back with a tilt-o-whirl slam for a two count of his own. Edge heads to the middle turnbuckle, but misses a cross body attempt. There's really no flow to this match, it's just stuff happening. Test sets up for a super-plex, Edge fights free and goes for a Super-Sunset Flip, but Test blocks that, and jumps into a dropkick from Edge. We get a "count out" spot, which makes no sense when there has to be a winner. We get our 10th slugfest of the match, and Edge comes off the ropes with a spinning heel kick, followed by a facebuster for a two count. Test with a shot to the midsection, but Edge counters the pump-handle slam with a slam of his own for a two count. Test returns the favor, hitting Edge with a spear for a two count. Test calls for the big boot, but settles for the pump-handle slam, getting a two count. Test goes for a powerbomb, but Edge counters with a head scissors and hits the spear for a two count. More counter spots until Edge pins Test with a Victory Roll at 11:18 to unify the championships. An okay match, but for a unification of two illustrious titles, it fell flat on it's face and was pretty boring for the most part.

WWF & WCW Tag Team Championships Unification Match:
The Hardy Boyz (WCW Champs) vs. The Dudley Boyz (WWF Champs) (w/ Stacy Keibler):

(Matt & Jeff Hardy vs. Bubba Ray & D'Von Dudley)
We haven't seen enough of this combination before the Invasion angle, right? What was wrong with Sean O'Haire and Chuck Palumbo? I know the story behind KroniK being around for about a week, but there had to be another team besides the Dudleys to carry the torch for a "company." Before I get trashed by all the Stacy lovers out there, I would like to say Stacy might be the worst, most uninteresting woman performer I have ever seen get the undeserved following she had. Not to sound gay, but I watch wrestling for WRESTLING, and don't care about the valets or divas. The Hardys are (almost) hometown boys, so they're going to lose. I guess we're following standard tag rules... for now. Matt starts by pounding away on Bubba Ray, then whips him back and forth to the corners. Jeff tags in for some double-teaming and a two count. Bubba plants Jeff with a Bossman Slam for a two count. D'Von tags in, and pounds away on Rainbow. Matt tags in and takes D'Von over with a back slide for a two count. D'Von with a modified suplex/slam, and he gets a two count. D'Von sends Matt into the cage and connects with a twisting back elbow. Bubba tags in, and connects with a neck breaker, followed by elbow drops for a two count. The Dudleys work Matt over, and it's another bore. Matt counters being rammed into the mesh with a reverse DDT. Jeff tags in and works over both Dudleys. Whip to the corner, and it's Poetry in Motion. Both Hardys attempt to climb out, but it's a failed attempt, and a Bubba Bomb to Jeff from the top rope is the most exciting moment of the match, so far. Bubba tries to climb out, but Matt slams him off the top rope and covers for a two count. Irish whip, and the Dudleys flap-jack Matt into the cage wall. Jeff charges and gets a boost onto the cage, and damn near climbs out in about 2 seconds, but Bubba brings him back, and the "Dudley" Device connects (Heyman quips "What a rush!", one of the few times a LOD reference was made when the move was done).

The Hardys play dead, but the Dudleys neither go for pins or escapes. They connect with a double team neckbreaker on Jeff, but only gets a two count. I guess now the standard tag rules do NOT apply. Bubba crushes Matt against the fence, and I'm surprised it didn't slice Matt into 98 inidividual slices with the momentum before the impact. Jeff takes a beating in the corner. The Dudleys climb opposite corners, D'Von misses a headbutt, and Bubba misses a back splash. Matt climbs the top rope and comes off with a double clothesline. Matt throws Bubba into the cage and hits D'Von with a neck breaker. Matt with a DDT on Bubba Ray for a two count. Jeff comes back to life and leg drops D'Von between the legs. Irish whip, and a double back drop on Bubba Ray. The Hardys climb the turnbuckles and hit the splash and leg drop combination, but D'Von breaks the pin attempt. Matt tries to climb out, but D'Von Tree of Woes him in the top of the cage. Bubba with a slam on Jeff, and it's Wassup time. Remember when THAT was cool? Bubba calls to STACY to get the tables, and she shows Nick Patrick some ass for access to the keys. Wow, she's actually useful for once. Matt spears Bubba before the 3-D can be executed, and Jeff counters D'Von's half of the move with a DDT. Matt climbs up again, and this time actually manages to escape. Um... that leaves Jeff alone with a table in the ring, in a match where pinfalls count. You moron! Jeff rams D'Von into the cage, and it don't taste like chocolate! Jeff tries climbing out, but he sees D'Von on the table, and because HE'S an even bigger retard, attempts the senton bomb, and guess what... SPLAT! Hey Matt, climb back in, FAST. Bubba wakes up, rolls around a bit, and covers Jeff to unify the tag titles at 15:46. Meh... another okay match, that definitely picked up momentum about halfway through, but underwhelming for the fact it's supposed to be this big unification match, and there was nothing special about it. I'm also not a fan of these tag team cage matches without solid rules. First, they have to tag in and out, but then it's Texas Tornado rules? Make up your fucking minds.

WWF vs. The Alliance Immunity Battle Royal

(Participants: Justin Credible, Lance Storm, Raven, Diamond Dallas Page, Steven Richards, Tommy Dreamer, Billy Kidman, Shawn Stasiak, The Hurricane, Test, Billy Gunn, Bradshaw, Faarooq, Albert, Tazz, Chuck Palumbo, Crash Holly, Perry Saturn, Spike Dudley, Funaki)
Yes, it's basically the collection of Heat and Jakked Roster, where the winner gets immunity from being fired from the winning company for one year... with that logic, any carried over Champions could be fired at any given point if they lose their title. It's just too much to think about. Oh, and WHY is Palumbo on Team WWF? When did that fucking turn happen? Test ambushed Scotty Too Hotty before the match to take his spot, even though Scotty is Team WWF and Test represents the Alliance. Stasiak charges the APA and gets tossed BEFORE the bell rings... shouldn't that not count, then? Jim Ross confuses Tazz with Sabu, and ends it with "Uh... the guy who choked you out." The Hurricane straps on the cape and flies... into the arms of Faarooq, who drops him on the top rope, and Bradshaw clotheslines him out, with brutality. For whatever reason, Heyman reminds us in the old days of the NWA, being thrown over the top rope was a DQ. Albert tosses Saturn, and Faaroq is out at the hands of a few nameless Alliance members. DDP gets tossed by Palumbo, and Palumbo is gone thanks to Justin Credible. Ouch. Hugh Morrus and Chavo Guerrero run in (they were fired by the Alliance earlier in the week) and toss Funaki and Raven. Gunn takes care of the Free Agents, and then Tazz wipes out Crash and Dreamer at the same time. Lance Storm sends Spike Dudley packing. Bradshaw kills Richards with the Clothesine from Heck and tosses him soon after. Tazz mouths off with Heyman and gets dumped by Gunn, to Heyman's amusement. Heyman hides behind J.R., taunting Tazz, adding more amusement to the match. Albert is gone, and Bradshaw sends Kidman to the showers, leaving Bradshaw, Test, Lance Storm, and Billy Gunn. It's Canada vs. Texas! Bradshaw falls down hitting Storm with a big boot. More nothing happens. Storm and Bradshaw get double eliminated courtesy of Test. Billy Gunn is the last hope of the WWF, and gets a big boot to knock him over the ropes, and Test wins it at 7:39, rendering the Unification match earlier useless. Way to cop-out book, WWF. Typical Battle Royal.

- The WWF plays one of those well-done music videos they were known for, set to the tune of My Sacrifice by Creed (although it's edited out on the VHS and DVD release with generic ass music playing). I swear to all that is holy, if the WWF was put in a corner where an entire show had to be music video/montages, I think they could've done a damn good job with it. It's all about song selection, of course, but put with wrestling footage, even My Sacrifice sounds good.

WWF Women's Championship Match (Vacant):
Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. Jacqueline vs. Mighty Molly vs. Ivory vs. Jazz:

We're finally crowning a new Women's Champion, since the last champion, Chyna, hasn't been seen since Judgment Day. Jazz is making her surprise debut, and honestly, I couldn't have cared less, since I had no clue who she was. Note to any future bookers: Only do that when the wider, mainstream audience, knows who the hell the person is. Surprise, surprise, this looks like another lame WWF Women's Match. I know Molly and Jacqueline spent time in WCW, but why is only one in the Alliance, working a WWF created gimmick? Jazz hits the ring and spears Lita at the start. Jazz with a underhook suplex, but Lita takes her over with a shitty headscissors. Molly tags in, as does Jackie. Molly spends more time imitating the Hurricane than wrestling. Ivory tags in and eats a dropkick from Jackie. Irish whip and Jackie with a sunset flip, and they do the counter-sequence the right way until Ivory slingshots Jacqueline into the ropes. Trish tags in, and she's not in the phase of wearing pants so we take her more seriously. This match just sucks. The Alliance triple teams Trish, hitting some of the worst looking punches ever. Then it's Jackie and Lita double teaming everyone while Trish plays dead. Jackie counters poetry in motion with a clothesline, then the Molly-go-Round takes her out. Ivory with the face-buster to Trish, and Lita comes back to life for a Twist-of-Fate. Lita with the moonsault, but Jazz breaks the pin. Lita with a double clothesline on Jazz and Molly. Trish takes Lita out of the ring, then pulls the ropes down on Jazz. Ivory returns to job, and the Stratusfaction gives Trish her first Women's Title at 4:23. Could've been much, much worse, I guess, but still sloppy and rushed.

Winner Takes All, Survivor Series Elimination Match:
Team WWF (The Rock, Chris Jericho, The Undertaker, Kane, Big Show) vs. Team Alliance (Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Shane McMahon)

The only match I cared enough about to look forward to, just because of how much I love the Survivor Series style matches. I could go on and on about how only 40% of Team Alliance is non-WWF performers, but it's whatever at this point. Team WWF has issues concerning Jericho and the Rock, who have been battling over the Big Gold Belt for the past couple of months, but Vince McMahon has been claiming a member of the Alliance is really working for the WWF. Is it the Booty Man? Big Show is subbing in for Vince, by the way, because someone has to do the first job of the match. Rock is the Heavyweight Champion, Austin is the WWF Champion, and Rob Van Dam is the Hardcore Champion, so they are all safe from being not-used the next night. It must be a special occasion... Kane has his Alternate Road Tights on, which I don't recall him ever wearing ever again before or after. Sorry, I don't want to sound obsessed with Kane's wardrobe. Introductions are done in order of importance to the team, so naturally Angle and Austin come out after RVD and Booker T. Introductions also take up roughly 12-minutes, since everyone gets to come out individually.

Rock and Austin start with a slugfest. Irish whip and Austin with the Thesz Press and a series of rights, followed by the F-U elbow drop for a quick two count. Irish whip, and this time the Rock is the one with the Thesz Press and a big old FU for the Alliance, before dropping an elbow for a two count, broken up by Shane. Booker tags in to put the boots to the Rock. The Rock comes off the ropes with a clothesline, but Shane breaks another pin attempt. Jericho tags in and takes Booker down with a flap jack, followed by a basement dropkick. RVD tags in, and Jericho slaps on a headlock. Criss-cross sequence, and Jericho hits a spinning heel kick, followed by a suplex. Jericho wins a slugfest and chops away. Irish whip, Jericho misses a dropkick, and RVD hits a hand-spring splash for a two count. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Jericho traps him in the Walls of Jericho, but Shane breaks that up, too. Kane and Angle tag in. Kane tosses Angle into the corner and unloads with rights, followed by a clothesline. Angle counters a suplex and takes Kane down with a release German. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Kane takes Angle down with a sidewalk slam. Kane to the top rope, and he hits his signature clothesline, but guess who breaks up the pin? Undertaker tags in next, and pounds on Angle with rights. Undertaker charges into the corner and eats an elbow. Booker tags back in and gets to taste the boot of the Undertaker. Leg drop from Deadman Inc, but Shane breaks that pin attempt, too. Undertaker goes to work on the arm, and it's time to go Old School. Undertaker continues working the arm, confusing the WWF with UFC, already. Undertaker with a clothesline for a two count. You know the drill, by now. Austin tags in and stomps a mudhole in the corner. Austin misses a splash across the back and eats a clothesline. Undertaker goes Old School again, and Shane breaks it up again. Undertaker ends up being Quadruple teamed in the corner, since that's the only way the great Undertaker can lose. Angle with a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Undertaker battles back, and plants Angle with a desperation DDT. Big Show gets the job tag and plows through Angle with clotheslines. Show takes shots at everyone, until getting taken down with the Angle Slam. Booker T tags in, and connects with the head scissors, and it's Spin-a-Rooni time! RVD tags in, and now it's the Five-Star Frog Splash. Shane gets the tag in now, and comes off the top with an elbow drop, and he covers for three at 12:41, eliminating the Big Show.

Shane celebrates, but the Rock doesn't find it amusing and beats the ever loving piss out of the young McMahon. Rock runs through Shane with a clothesline, Kane tags in, and makes Shane part of the canvas with a chokeslam. The Undertaker tags in, and I think we all know what's going to happen... fuck the "Last Ride", we're going old school, and he KILLS Shane with the Tombstone Piledriver. Jericho tags in, and bounces off the ropes with a Lionsault, and Shane is D-O-N-E at 14:31, evening the sides at 4-4.

Angle comes in to slug it out with Jericho. Jericho escapes a belly-to-belly and comes off the ropes with a diving forearm, followed by a double-underhook backbreaker for a two count. Angle with a takedown and mounted punches. Booker T tags in as Shane is carried backstage by Tony Garea and Some Other Guy. Booker with a pair of slams, no doubt inspiring Mike Knox for later matches. RVD tags back in and lays into Jericho with kicks. Whip to the corner, and RVD with a pair of shoulders to the midsection. Jericho surprises RVD with a sunset flip, then takes him down with a clothesline. Kane tags in to pound away, then boots RVD coming off the ropes. Kane with a pair of clotheslines. RVD tries his monkey flip spot in the corner, but tastes another clothesline. Kane with a powerslam, but then gets distracted by Booker T. RVD takes Kane down with a spinning heel kick, and comes off the top with the Five-Star Frog Splash, but Kane sits up, choking RVD down. Booker runs in with a scissors kick, and it's a brawl! RVD goes to the top again and hits a missile dropkick for a three count at 18:19 sends Kane back to the locker room. A frog splash doesn't hurt, but a kick to the MASK is enough to pin him? Lame.

Undertaker comes back in to beat RVD into Jelly, then works over Booker, Angle, and Austin, as well, charging into all the corners with clotheslines. And people bitched about Hulk Hogan. Undertaker clears RVD and Booker from the ring, then rolls the dice with Angle (or snake eyes, whatever). Undertaker calls for the Last Ride on Angle, but Booker comes in with a chair, but it's not successful. Austin hits the Stunner though, cause the WCW is pathetic, then drags Angle on top of the Undertaker, eliminating the Dead Man at 20:03, leaving the Rock and Jericho alone, two men who haven't been getting along.

Booker T tosses the Rock back in the ring and hammers away. Irish whip is reversed, and Booker with a side heel kick. The Rock is playing possum, and surprises Booker with a DDT for a two count. Jericho is still incapacitated from the brawl earlier, just to hammer home how much trouble Team WWF is in. Booker with knees to the midsection, but he runs right into a Samoan drop. Rock whips Booker into Angle, just standing around on the apron, and Rocky rolls Booker up for a surprise three count at 22:34. That just seemed to come out of nowhere.

RVD comes in and kicks away at Rock, then throws some sucky punches, too. Stick to the kicking, Rob. You're better at that than punching. Whip to the corner is reversed, but Rocky eats boot. RVD tries to do something, but Rock rolls RVD up from the top rope for a two count. Jericho gets the hot tag and dropkicks RVD on the back of his head. Jericho comes off the ropes with a forearm and shoulder block, followed by a swinging neckbreaker for a two count. Jericho with a running bulldog, but the Lionsault misses, and RVD connects with a spinning heel kick. RVD with the split-legged moonsault, but Jericho got the knees up, and hits the reverse Russian Leg sweep, and pins RVD at 24:57, leaving the battle of WWF vs. the Alliance down to... the Rock & Jericho vs. Austin & Angle. (flushes toilet)

Angle works over Jericho in the corner, while outside the ring, Austin slingshots the Rock into the ring post, no doubt resulting in a blade job, unless I'm thinking about Shawn Michaels. Back in the ring, and Angle has Jericho trapped in a chinlock. Jericho escapes with elbows, but Angle with a single leg trip and stomping for a two count. Austin tags back in and does his usual stuff. Austin sets Jericho up on the top turnbuckle and takes him down with a super-plex for a two count. We get a blown spot, so Jericho covers it up grabbing a front facelock. Austin back drops free, drops an elbow, and covers for a two count. Angle tags back in, and chokes Jericho across the middle rope. Irish whip, and Angle with a back elbow for a two count. Jericho counters a German suplex with a victory roll, but then quickly turns it into the Ankle Lock. Angle escapes, and takes Jericho off his feet with a clothesline. Austin tags in, and takees Jericho down with a slam and suplex. Austin catches Jericho coming off the ropes with an elbow, then chokes away. Angle and Austin take turns putting the boots to Jericho, and we've hit a dull spot. Jericho escapes a chinlock and slugs it out with Austin until we get a double clothesline spot. The Rock gets the hot tag and takes Angle over with a belly-to-belly suplex. Rock with the dragon whip, and he slaps the Sharpshooter on, forcing Angle to tap out at 31:55, leaving Stone Cold by himself to defend the honor of WCW, the same company that fired him via FedEx.

Jericho tags himself into the match and chops away on Austin in the corner. Jericho with a cross body, but Austin rolls through for a two count. Jericho blocks the Thesz Press and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Austin rakes the eyes, sweeps the legs, and goes for the hold himself, but Jericho fights it off. Jericho nails Austin coming off the ropes, but meets the knees going for the Lionsault. Austin covers, getting a two count. Austin sets Jericho up on the top turnbuckle and lays into him with more chops. Jericho fights Austin off, and connects with a missile dropkick for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Jericho cradles Austin for a two count. Austin with an UGLY counter, and that gets three at 34:32, meaning we're down to Rock-Austin, the ReMatch! Jericho, Sportsman of the Year, interrupts the action and lays Rocky out with his facebuster finishing move that kind of disappeared after a few months.

Austin comes to, and crawls over to make the cover, but Rock kicks out at two. Jericho starts going back to the ring, for whatever reason, but the Undertaker runs back to ringside to punk Jericho out like his name was Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XIV. I completely forgot about that happening. Austin mounts the Rock and hammers away with more rights, followed by mudhole stomping. Rock gets back to his feet and retaliates with rights of his own, but gets tossed over the top rope for his troubles. They trade blows again until the Rock is introduced to the post again. The Rock throws Austin into the Spanish announcers table and opens his own can of whoop ass. Back in the ring, and Heyman questions why J.R. keeps asking him to kiss his ass. Good question, Paul. Irish whip, and Austin with a spinebuster, followed by the Sharpshooter! Ring the fucking bell! Sorry, got caught up in the wrong Survivor Series, especially since Heyman references Hebner's past. Austin really does the suckiest Sharpshooter ever. Rock grabs the ropes to force a break, though. Austin heads outside and grabs his WWF championship, but whiffs on a swing. Rock with the spinebuster and sharpshooter this time, and his sharpshooter might be worse than Austin's. Nothing is worse than Shawn Michaels' on Hulk Hogan at SummerSlam 2005, though. Austin goes low behind the back of the referee, but Rocky blocks the kick and hits Austin with the Stunner, instead. Nick Patrick inteferes with the count and KO's Hebner. Rock goes the Rock Bottom on Patrick, but Austin saves and gives the Rock the Stone Cold Bottom for a fast two count (about as fast as Starrcade '97's gast count). Austin lays out Patrick for not counting three, and drags Hebner back in the ring. We get ANOTHER referee bump, though, and Stone Cold hits the Stunner. Kurt Angle returns to ringside, grabs the title belt, and lays Austin out with it. Rock with the Rock Bottom, and the three count is made at 44:49, and all is right in the world of the World Wrestling Federation. We cut back and forth to the "Alliance" and WWF Locker Rooms, and hey, it's Steve Lombardi, and Stephanie McMahon overacting so badly it makes me long for a William Shatner movie. If you ignore the absurd layout of the storyline, a rather satisfying Elimination Match, and a quality main event, too. This might've been the longest Survivor Series Match, too.

To rant on the end of the storyline: With the WWF winning, and only a handful of "heels" left from the Alliance, the next few weeks, it seemed like we got rapid-fire heel turns to balance the roster out. Jericho finally fully turned, the Undertaker chopped off his hair and forced Jim Ross to kiss Vince McMahon's ass, and Kurt Angle's face-turn lasted all of a day, as Vince McMahon suddenly became evil Mr. McMahon again, and yes, the next night on raw, Stone Cold magically was a babyface again as a result of it, Rob Van Dam was turned face because no one would boo him, and we also got the return of RIC FLAIR. Yes, a credible WCW name was NOT brought in until AFTER the Invasion angle ended. Yes. Not only Flair, but other names as well came in in the months after. Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Curt Hennig, Dustin Rhodes, and a host of others could've been brought in and used to give credibility to the Alliance, but for whatever reason (we already mentioned it), this didn't happen, and WCW's "stars" were either depushed like DDP, or fired after just a couple of appearances, like Buff Bagwell and KroniK. The whole storyline was a mess, the fresh quality of programming lasted only a couple of weeks, and the final battle came down to mainstays of the WWF.

Final Thoughts: Solid show, for the most part. The main event is worth a look, the undercard features a handful of decent matches, with nothing being outright terrible. There's some pointless stuff, like the Battle Royal and Women's Match, but they were short and inoffensive. If you can ignore the whole Invasion thing, then it's a satisfying show. If you let your mind become consumed with how badly they fucked the whole thing up, then just skip it entirely, because it will make you mad.

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