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WWE Superstars - August 30, 2012

by Scrooge McSuck

- Welcome to Week 2 in my quest to once again get into the WWE product. For those who care about meaningless B-Show's, last week on Superstars, Damien Sandow easily defeated Yoshi Tatsu, Alex Riley made Drew McIntyre look like a chump, and in the main event, Justin Gabriel took Cody Rhodes to the limit before coming to the Cross Rhodes. All in all, not a bad show, so let's see what we have to work with this week. Note: I did my damn best not to look up spoilers, that way I don't ruin any potential "fun" I have in watching the show.

Before we get to the action, a comment on WWE Saturday Morning Slam. Last week I questioned just what the hell it was, and it turns out to be along the lines of Mania/Livewire, where it's a lot of recap packages and flashback stuff. You know, cheap throw together. The only fresh match aired was Kofi Kingston vs. Heath Slater, which was highlighted by Santino Marella showing up with the U.S. Title, despite LOSING it about two weeks ago. Odd continuity mistake for WWE, even for a show aimed at a younger, saturday morning audience. I was thinking of adding the fresh SMS matches to my Superstars recaps, but then I figure I'd be overloading myself, even if it's just by 15-minutes.

Another side note, since it wasn't mentioned on this episode of Superstars: There were segments on Raw, with Daniel Bryan attending Anger Management. Also at the meeting, none other than Kane. Typically, these segments are whatever and totally forgetable, but the doctor asks Kane to explain the root of his anger, dating back to his childhood. Daniel Bryan: This is a bad idea. Very calmly, and in a straight tone, Kane replies...

"I grew up locked in a basement, suffering severe psychological and emotional scarring when my brother set my parents on fire. From there, I sifted around among a series of mental Institutions, until I was grown, at which point I buried my brother alive. Twice. Since then, I've set a couple of people on fire, and abdocted various co-workers. Oh, and I once electrocuted a mans testicles. Years ago, I had a girlfriend named Katie. But... lets just say that didn't turn out so well. My real father is a guy named Paul Bearer, who I recently trapped in a meat locker. I've been married, divorced. Broke up my ex-wife's wedding and tombstoned the priest. And for reasons never quite explained, I have an unhealthy obsession with torturing Pete Rose."

- Josh Mathews and Matt Striker are calling the action, unless otherwise noted. They waste no time hyping WWE Night Of Champions, one of many PPV's.

Ryback vs. Johnny Curtis:

I remember Ryback as part of the Nexus, under the name Skip Sheffield (chuckles), but a pretty bad injury took him out for a good year, and now he's working a goldberg kind of character, I guess. No idea who Curtis is, so it's off to Wikipedia for me... some guy who toyed around in the WWE Development territories until getting called up as a JTTS. Okay, gotcha. I smell squash, by the way. Mathews describes him as "Creepy". I guess he heard about his dream being a 17th century pioneer. Lockup to the corner, and Ryback gives a clean break. Curtis offers a cheap shot the second time around, then runs like a sisy. Curtis pounces on Ryback re-entering the ring, but Ryback quickly flattens him with a shoulder tackle. Ryback tosses him across the ring, then meets an elbow on a charge to the corner. Curtis from the second rope with a clothesline, and it's only enough for a one count. Curtis grabs a front facelock, but Ryback is too strong, and easily breaks free. He slams Curtis back into the corner and unloads with shoulders to the midsection. Ryback with an overhead toss, followed by a charging boot (more like slow motion). The crowd chants along to Ryback's posing, and he charges in with a clothesline. Ryback with a Fisherman-Buster, and that's enough for three at 3:35. More competetive than I anticipated. OK-ish. I guess the chant is "Feed Me More." Then the dumbass in me sees it printed on his attire, so I feel like I should've figured it out long ago.

- We revisit the Perfect Storm. Brock Lesnar managed to survive two Pedigrees and broke Triple H's arm with the Kimora, again. This past week on Monday Night Raw, Triple H at least has the decency to sell the broken arm for longer than an hour, this time. He teases retirement, but we all know he's coming back to get his revenge of Lesnar. If he can't be the Cerebral Assassin, then he can't come back, because it means he's finished. Thankfully, WWE cut out his line about not wanting to be the guy who comes out for nostalgia pops. I'm sorry, but I can't buy Triple H's "farewell" speech, because, honestly, I don't like him that much. I don't loath him, like from that terrible stretch in 2002-03, but I don't have this deep longing for watching him on a regular basis, in any capacity.

Epico & Primo (w/ Rosa Mendes) vs. The Usos:

Scott Stanford is in the booth with Mathews. Finally, some Tag Team action. I thought that division was dead and buried by now. Epico and Primo are former Tag Team Champions, and Rosa Mendes is Canadian... nice tan, at least, right? The Usos, Jimmy and Jey, are sons of former WWE Superstar Rikishi/Fatu. Twins, too, so good look telling the difference. Jimmy Uso starts with Epico. Jimmy with a headlock takeover, then a head scissors. Epico goes for the arm, but Jimmy turns the tables, again. Jey tags in, and we get some weak double team action. Whip to the ropes, Jey swats away a dropkick, and instead of following up, plays to the crowd. Just job and get it over with. Primo tags in, gets his leg swept, and covered for one. Primo returns the favor, and quickly grabs an armbar. Whip to the corner, Primo tries to get fancy, and gets slammed on his face for his efforts. Jimmy tags in and continues the Uso dominance. Whip to the corner, and he charges into a boot. Mendes celebrates with a boob wiggle... you know, for kids. Primo with a takeover, and slaps on a chinlock. Boring. Primo misses a springboard somersault, allowing Jey to get the tag and work him over, complete with a blown twisting forearm. We spill to the floor, with the Usos in control. Again, instead of doing anything, they pose in the ring as we take a commercial break.

We return with Epico unwisely trying to headbutt Jey. Epico and Primo turn the tides by tossing Jey to the floor. Back inside, and Primo with a somersault splash. He grabs a rear chinlock, because this crowd couldn't care any less as it is. Primo cuts off a tag with a drop toe hold, and Epico tags in with some very basic stuff. Epico with a trio of back suplex, and you have to think it would take more from him to do that than it's worth. It only gets two, so we go back to the chinlock. Jey manages to blow a sunset flip, and we get the 78th shot of Rosa trying to be sexy for the camera. This turkey is dying a slow, painful death. Primo misses something in the corner, trapping himself in a tree of woe, but Epico frees him to get the tag. Jimmy gets the hot tag and unloads with chops. Whip to the ropes, and he takes Epico down with a Samoan drop. He charges to the corner with a butt splash for a two count. Primo and Jey go at it on the floor, while Jimmy lays out Epico with a crescent kick. Jimmy to the top rope, and the splash connects, but Rosa distracts the referee, allowing Primo to hit the Backstabber (reverse Code-Breaker), and Epico covers for three at 10:15. Match was boring as shit, and Rosa Mendes' attention whore antics got really tiresome about three-minutes in. I guarante these two teams willface again in the next three weeks.

- Last week on Monday Night Raw... we follow up the mini-angle between Jerry Lawler and WWE Champion CM Punk. Lawler wants an apology for the cheap shot Punk gave him the week before. Punk says he's sorry is that all it takes to get into the Hall of Fame is to beat a bunch of nobodies in Memphis and acting as a juvenile in his entire WWE career. Punk keeps going lower and lower, baiting Lawler into a match, later in the show. WWE Universe picks Steel Cage for it. Punk wins it without too much struggles, but things aren't all roses, as G.M. Stephanie McMahon... sorry, A.J. Lee, tells Punk he'll defend against John Cena at Night of Champions. Punk snaps, brings some tools into the ring, and beats the piss out of Lawler, demanding him to say he's the best in the world. Lawler says no, and takes the beating like a man, until Cena makes the (eventual) save by chasing Punk off. I have to admit, this is some great old-school style booking.

Alex Riley vs. Jinder Mahal:

Last week, Riley got an upset victory over Drew McIntyre, so he's rolling now. According to Stanford, Riley has a game plan to escape the Camel Clutch (Hulking Up?), which is a minor way of trying to give the jobber a chance in hell of winning. Don't have much to say on Mahal. He's the latest in the line of Indian/Punjabi wrestlers. Mahal recently lost a macth on Smackdown to Ryback, so I'm sure he's upset. He keeps his Turban in a protective case at ringside, just incase someone Tiger Ali Singh's him (otherwise known as shitting in it). Lockup, and Riley grabs a headlock. Mahal works a wristlock, Riley counters and goes back to the headlock. Mahal with a takedown, followed by a shoulder tackle. Criss-cross, we get a lame looking hip toss, and it's back to the headlock for Riley. Riley with a shot to the midsection, followed by a charging boot to the side of the head. Charge to the corner, and Mahal with a hip toss into the turnbuckle to finally take control. He stomps away, and sends Riley to the floor with a baseball slide. Mahal rams him into the security wall, and rolls him back into the ring for two. Mahal with stomping, and it's time for a chinlock. Riley fights free and is quickly taken down with a back suplex. That only gets two, so it's back to the chinlock. Sign in the front row: I'd Rather Be Watch'n The Divas. I disagree. riley mounts a comeback and connects with a dropkick. Riley with an elbow to the face, followed by a pair of clotheslines. Charge to the corner, and he meets a boot, but still has enough to catch Mahal coming with a spine buster. Riley with a DDT for a two count. Riley to the top rope, and he takes too long, allowing Mahal to crotch him across the buckle. Mahal with a running high knee, and the Camel Clutch finishes Riley at 5:58. So much for his plan to escape the hold. He folded faster than Superman on laundry day. Decent match, but nothing that stood out as anything noteworthy.

Final Thoughts: Not quite as good, wrestling wise, as last week. The singles matches between Ryback/Curtis and Riley/Mahal were both decent in their own ways, but damn was that Tag Match a black hole sucking the life out of everything around it. I hate to say that the best part of the show was the Raw Rebound, but it was. The stuff between CM Punk and Jerry Lawler on Raw, in recapped form, was fantastic, much-see wrestling, while everything first run was so-so in comparison. Decent show overall, but I will not be looking forward to watching any more between the Usos, Epico, and Primo.

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