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WWE Superstars - August 21, 2014

by Scrooge McSuck

- Presented on August 21st, 2014, but taped before Monday Night Raw on August 18th, from... I don't know, let's say somewhere in Los Angeles. If I have to be subjected to another 10 minutes of that crap with the Bella Twins, I'm going to vomit all over myself.

- Renee Young and Tom Phillips are at ringside to call all the action, unless otherwise noted.

El Torito & "La Vaca" Hornswoggle (w/ Los Matadores) vs. Heath Slater & Titus O'Neil:

You're kidding me? Titus throws Torito down like a chump, so Los Matadores dropkick Titus to the floor and take Slater down with a double back suplex. Torito with kicks, but he runs into a clothesline. Slater tags himself in and spanks Torito on his fanny. Torito valiantly fights out of Titus' grip, takes Slater down with a face buster, and springs off the ropes for a moonsault. La Vaca tags in and hits the Tapdole Splash for the three count at 1:30. DUD Are you serious?! I'm all for a comedy match, because it's not a bad idea to lighten up the mood, but this bordered on a squash at the hands of midget performers, one of them being HORNSWOGGLE, who wore out his welcome in WWE 7 YEARS ago. Oh well, at least no one else is watching this.

- Raw Recap: Stephanie McMahon gloats about her victory at SummerSlam (in what was a surprisingly good outing for a non-wrestler, especially 11 years removed from her last match). Then it went downhill with Nikki Bella's incredibly poor line delivery to explain her turn (here's a recap: it sucked). Then Brie came out, talking about how they're sisters for life (really? I thought they only had a 5-year contract), only to get a slap in the face. I like how the editing department cut out Nikki stumbling on the ramp and losing her heel. Just an ATROCIOUS segment that went on seemingly forever.

- The Monday Night Wars finally debuts on the WWE Network... tomorrow night following Friday Night Smackdown!

- Raw Recap: Brock Lesnar is presented the newest version of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship Title, with the major difference being, of course, the new WWE logo that was introduced with the WWE Network (which is available for $9.99 with a 6-month commitment, don't you know?). At least there's no more dragging two belts around for the sake of doing it. Heyman did a heck of a job of not only getting Brock and Cena over, but sneaking a cheap shill in for the WWE Network.

Emma vs. Alicia Fox:

Yep, this is all we've got for fresh content. A 90-second comedy match with Midgets going over and the bottom of the barrel of the Diva's Division. Oh well, at least Emma is still employed. "Accidentally" stealing a $20 iPad case is less of an offense than bitch slapping someone making racial insensitive jokes about you. Alicia's "messed in the head" gimmick is already dead and buried, so why keep her around? This is a rematch from last week... sorry I missed it. The WWE Network is giving me trouble, so while refreshing, I missed the bell, so my time will be slightly off. Lockup into the ropes, Alicia gives a shove. They fight over a wristlock, with Alicia still in control. Emma tumbles around to escape and trips Fox up for barely a one count. Whip to the ropes, and a bit of a comedy spot from Emma during a criss-cross sequence. that was cute, I'll give her that. Alicia throws a mild tantrum, because only on days I recap her matches am I made to look like an uninformed ass. We return from a short break with Fox in control. I guess we missed a cool spot during the break. That makes sense. Alicia with a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Fox tries dumping Emma, but gets sent to the floor instead with a head scissors. Emma with an inside cradle for two. Emma with a school girl for two. Emma dorks upô and hits a running clothesline for two. Emma with a cross body from the top rope for three at around 9:30. *1/2 This wasn't bad, just not very interesting. To be fair, I was constantly having buffering issues, so it might be slightly better than that, but not by much.

- We replay the Ice Bucket Spot from Raw, because it was that awesome.

- Heath Slater tries to convince Titus O'Neil that losing to a baby cow and a baby bull isn't really a bad thing, because they went out and tried their best. Titus' reasoning is a bit more accurate: they lost to a baby cow and a baby bull. Is this the end for Slater-Gator?! I don't think so.

- We relive the closing moments of the Seth Rollins/Dean Ambrose Main Event from Raw. The match in full is easily 4-stars, maybe higher if you have an adjustable scale for TV compared to PPV. Korporate Kane made his presence felt, helping Seth Rollins in his attempts of getting rid of Ambrose. Their solution? A Curb Stomp onto a stack of concrete blocks. Gimmick aside and smart mark nonsense left on the table, this was a hell of a way to write someone off T.V., and to keep him on the minds of fans for when he returns in 4-5 weeks. Imagine Ambrose vs. Rollins, possibly in a Hell in a Cell Match? That's worth the $9.99 for the month of October to have the WWE Network.

Final Thoughts: If you missed Monday Night Raw, then this was a great episode for recaps. You got the conclusion of a wild brawl, a great Paul Heyman Promo, and... uh... well, two out of three isn't bad, you know what I'm saying? As far as original content, the most heavily hyped match was a snoozer between Emma and Alicia Fox, with the team of Slater-Gator doing a clean(ish) job to El Torito and Hornswoggle dressed as a Cow. View at your own risk.

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