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Shotgun Saturday Night - January 11, 1997
by Scrooge McSuck
- Last week was the debut of a high new show, mostly broadcasted locally in the New York City area. I never understood that. I know it was on at an extremely late time slot, but I'm sure someone could've picked it up for national syndication before it turned into one of those C-Level recap shows.
- We're coming to you from the All-Star Cafe in New York City (where else would we be?). We've got a little bit better lighting and production values, for the most part, compared to last weeks episode that seemed to take place in someones basement that has one lone bulb working. We open the show with the Honkytonk Man (yes, he's back too) rambling while someone is reading a newspaper. I guess he's tired of hearing Honky's claims of being the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. Suddenly, Marc Mero and Sable show up in a limo. Okay...
- Vince McMahon and Sunny are back to handle the commentary, while Todd Pettengill is running around looking for interviews and starting trouble. We're shown highlights of the Sisters of Love being arrested by undercover officers. So much for that amazing duo, one and done, as they say. With all of this excitement going on, let's take it to the ring.
"Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. Diesel:
For those who lived under a rock and forgot Kevin Nash was part of the New World Order in WCW at the time, Diesel is being played by Glenn Jacobs, best known as Kane, the Zombie Pyromaniac Necrophilliac Rapist half-brother of the Undertaker. Mero was teasing a heel turn at this point, but a knee injury killed most of the year for him, and he came back a completely different wrestler, and not for the better. Diesel attacks from behind, pounding away with rights. Irish whip, and Diesel connects with a back elbow. Diesel heads outside to seduce Sable, but shes gives him a faceful of pie for his troubles. Back in the ring, and Mero is in control, ramming Diesel into the canvas and mounting him for some punching. Irish whip is reversed, and Mero connects with a knee lift, followed by a clothesline. Todd is trying to get an interview from Sable as Diesel boots Mero's brain back into thinking he's Little Richard. Whip to the corner, and Diesel "hammers away" with a series of elbows to the side of the head. Whip across the ring, and Diesel follows in with a clothesline, then chokes Mero across the middle rope. Irish whip, and Diesel connects with a clothesline, followed by an elbow drop for a two count. Slugest time, won easily by Diesel, and out comes "Razor Ramon" and his magnificent gut, and he takes some cheap shots at the Wildman behind the referee's back, until Rocky Miavia decides to make the save, and it's commercial time. Diesel has a chinlock applied, and this goes on for a while. Diesel and Mero exchange blows as Todd bothers the Honkytonk Man. Diesel with a side suplex for a two count, then a delayed vertical suplex for another two count. Diesel with more choking. Irish whip, and Diesel with a scoop slam, and he heads to the top rope... and he hits his flying clothesline! Who knew Kevin Nash could fly like that, without breaking every bone in his body? Diesel with a crummy side suplex for a two count. Irish whip, and Mero surprises Diesel with a head scissors. Irish whip, and Mero connects with a diving clothesline. Whip to the corner, and Mero follows in with another clothesline. Mero comes off the top with the MeroSault, but he chooses to go outside the ring to confront the Honkytonk Man. Diesel hits him from the apron with a sledge to the back, then back in the ring, the Powerbomb finally finishes things at 11:12. Really, the match went THAT long, with the commercial break cut out. DUD Just an awful match, and mostly felt like an extended squash for "Diesel." After the match, Mero starts heeling it up, chewing out Sable for no good reason. Rocky Miavia hits the ring again to make piece, but it turns into a mild brawl. This was supposed to be the Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania 13, but Mero's injury gave us the Sultan, instead. Yay.
- More fun with the Sisters of Love, as we get to see them get their mug shots taken. It was really funny when they did this bit with the Mountie at SummerSlam '91, but here, it's just a waste of time since there's no attachment to two characters that debuted a week earlier.
Savio Vega vs. Faarooq (w/ The Nation of Domination):
I'm surprised Vega was still hanging around. Even during the dark ages of the WWF (1996), he managed to squeak in two notable feuds, first with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, and then with Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw. Who knew BOTH of these men would become WWE Champions, and their first stepping stones in the WWF was Savio? We're joined in progress due to a commercial break, and Faarooq already has a chinlock applied, and yes, he uses the ropes for leverage. Irish whip, and it's a double clothesline spot. Faarooq is up first, and he hammers away. We hype the Sunny Sex Video, which is mentioned every five minutes. Vega counters a chinlock with an electric chair drop, for a two count. Irish whip, and Vega with a back drop, followed by a Russian leg sweep for a two count. Vega with a series of chops and rights. Irish whip, and Vega with a spinning heel kick for a two count. One of the PG-13 members hops on the apron to distract the referee, allowing Faarooq to regain control. Faarooq with a snap suplex for a two count. Faarooq qith a sleeper hold, but Savio quickly escapes with a jaw buster. Whip to the corner, and Vega misses a charge. Faarooq connects with his signature spine buster, and it's over at 5:53. 1/2* Bad match, but at least it was watchable compared to the stinker the show started off with.
- It's time for what everyone has been waiting to see, Sunny's Sex Video. It starts out innocently enough, with Sunny being seductive, but then it goes for tolerable to horror, as her partner in this masterpiece is some dude dressed up in a giant Elmo costume. Yes, Sunny's sex video is starring, you guessed it, Fondle Me Elmo, and yes, we do get to see someone being stripped naked... Sunny stripping Elmo, that is. This is just too ridiculous for words. The end joke is that Elmo isn't exactly "man" enough to do things right.
- We go from bad to worse, as Todd Pettengill and the Honkytonk Man have the worst singing duel in history. All we need is Dusty Rhodes to show up and challenge Honkytonk Man to a dance off to complete the seventh circle of hell.
Rocky Miavia vs. Razor Ramon:
Please, end it already. Razor Ramon is some guy (Rick Bognar?) who kind of looks like Scott Hall, but not the Scott Hall of 1996-97. More like the Scott Hall of 2010-11. Really bloated and not in very good physical shape. Rocky is damn near heatless at this point, only having debuted about six weeks earlier, and already shoved down everyone's throat. Ramon attacks before the bell, but Miavia puts him down with a clothesline. Miavia with a pair of dropkicks, then slaps on a headlock. Miavia with a hammerlock, and Ramon fights free as the crowd chants "We Want Hall." Miavia takes Ramon over with another headlock as we go to a commercial. We return, with Ramon connecting with a clothesline. Irish whip, and Miavia with a cross body for a two count. Ramon puts him back down with another clothesline, and we're getting "Rocky Sucks" chants. Ramon with a snapmare and a chinlock. Sunny calls Vince McMahon gay, but not in so many words. Ramon changes it up, trading the chinlock out for an armbar. Irish whip escape, and Razor connects with a knee to the midsection, followed by a clothesline, sending Miavia out of the ring. Honkytonk Man is there to get some cheap shots in, then throws Miavia back in. Ramon goes for the Razor's Edge, but Rocky counters, and the shoulder breaker is enough for the three count at 4:59. DUD Nothing to see here. Rocky was REALLY green at this point.
- Todd Pettengill is hanging around outside in front of a cardboard box, when suddenly we find out that Nikolai Volkoff is living inside it. Yes, he was wearing the same suit he's worn every day for the last 30 years. Makes me want to watch that TNT sketch where they did a "This Is Your Life", and his "sister" made fun of him for using all his money to buy that one suit.
Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon vs. The Headbangers:
The Headbangers are Mosh and Thrasher, and yes, earlier in the night, they've been running around dressed as the Sisters of Love. We join the match already in progress, with LaFon having an armbar applied on Mosh, then taking him down with a belly-to-belly suplex. Sunny actually mentions All-Japan Pro Wrestling on the air, and doesn't have her microphone turned off. LaFon with a series of knees to the chest, followed by a jaw buster. Mosh fights back and plants him with a slam, but misses an elbow drop. Furnas tags in and puts the boots to Mosh. Irish whip is reversed, and Mosh connects with a clothesline. Thrasher tags in and comes off the second rope with a clothesline for a two count. Thrasher with choking, and we go to another commercial break. We return, and LaFon is a house of fire. LaFon with a snap suplex on Mosh, followed by a jumping senton for a two count. LaFon with a Tornado DDT for another two count. It's a pier-six brawl... and the show comes to an end. Are you kidding me!? Match was looking okay, but no finish, so no rating. LaFon and Furnas ended up winning, but who cares, it never aired.
Final Thoughts: Wow, a total contrast to the previous week's episode. The wrestling was about on par (that being not very good), but the crowd wasn't as amusing, and there was way too much absurdness and bad comedy featuring the Sisters of Love and Sunny's Sex Tape with Fondle-Me Elmo. I did get a kick out of the Volkoff bit, though. Not the worst wrestling show I've ever seen, but there was very little good to say about it.
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