Presented LIVE on the USA Network from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI, with Jim Ross and Jerry "The King": Lawler calling the action, unless otherwise noted. Matches taped for Jakked/Metal include Tajiri successfully defending the Cruiserweight Championship against Crash, Val Venis tapping out Perry Saturn, Lance Storm pinning The Godfather, and The Hurricane pinning Funaki. As for matches only intended for the live audience, we got Brock Lesnar needing 5-minutes to take out Little Spike Dudley. WE'RE ONLY SIX DAYS AWAY FROM WRESTLEMANIA! CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT?!
Earlier tonight, Vince McMahon called for a special meeting between the Board of Directors at WWF Headquarters. Vince cuts a basic wrestling promo about Ric Flair being unfit to lead the company and wants a unanimous vote that one man and one man only has absolute authority. Oh God, is this going to be a show-long story?
Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring, definitely not dressed to compete. He wants to talk about something people in this city are familiar with: CRIME. Not just carjacking or muggings like the idiots in Detroit are involved in, but something more important; robbery. Isn't robbery just a form of carjacking and muggings? He's been robbed of his shot at the WWF Title! Then that big, burnt moron ruined his chance! Kane experienced first-hand how he treats people that cost him WrestleMania title shots. Kane might be the Big Red Machine, but he's the Big Red White and Blue Machine, PAL. With Mr. McMahon's approval, we have BREAKING NEWS: Kurt Angle faces Kane at WrestleMania. He'll make that childhood burning thing look like a paper cut. That's back-to-back years where Angle's match was thrown on the PPV on the go-home episode of Raw. He calls the WWF fans "idiots": for chanting "You Suck": at him. Booker T comes out ("speaking of stupid...":) and I guess we're getting a promo parade. He's sick of Kurt Angle coming out here, telling people they're stupid, and it's pissing him off, because they aren't stupid... THEY'RE BEYOND STUPID. THEY'RE BRAIN DEAD! They're the reason he lost his Japanese endorsement deal! Edge interrupts, saying Booker has the title of dumbest man in the company. BREAKING NEWS PART TWO: Edge issues the challenge to Booker T for WrestleMania! Edge starts snarking on Angle, telling him to stop trying to be cool. Angle tries to deny that and gives the world's worst spin-a-rooni. Even Booker T is just laughing about it. Edge calls it a "Dork-a-rooni":. WHY IS THIS SEGMENT NOT OVER? Angle offers to team with Booker against Edge and whoever he can find. Let me guess... Spike Dudley?
Stephanie McMahon has Lucy, the family dog with her, and she verbally abuses her while being a little too physical while explaining how she psychologically abused her on the way to the building. Steph whips out a court order where she has custody because she claimed Hunter abused the dog. THE GO-HOME TO WRESTLEMANIA HAS A SUBPLOT INVOLVING THE DOG OF 2 OF THE 3 PARTIES INVOLVED IN THE MATCH.
Lucy the Dog POOPED and Stephanie demands Chris Jericho take her for a walk. BUY WRESTLEMANIA! Jericho leaves Poor Lucy tied up to a limousine outside the arena.
DDP is still trying to teach Christian on being a better person, and it starts with having a more natural smile. Billy and Chuck interrupt, calling them losers. Billy says Christian is a loser who hasn't won a match in forever, and he doesn't need a bigger loser like DDP hanging around him. Christian says he's snapping that streak tonight against Precious (Billy), a.k.a "The A$$ Man.":
More from WWF Headquarters as Vince McMahon continues to be the most extreme of hypocrites in presenting video footage of Flair's behavior last Thursday on Smackdown.
Poor Lucy gets run over. Don't worry, the dog wasn't on camera and clearly nothing happened, but seriously, what the f*ck is this crap?
Stephanie McMahon is FREAKING OUT about how Hunter is going to react over what happened to Poor Lucy.
Torrie Wilson, Miss Jackie/Jacqueline, and Terri Runnels are at WWF New York, wearing their Summer attire. There's a Divas special on UPN Wednesday Night, by the way.
Vince McMahon with more storyline ranting about Ric Flair's conduct, like "forcing him into a match" at the Royal Rumble and humiliating him. Somehow, with Linda McMahon present, I don't like Vince's chances in getting his way.
Triple H is back from the Vet ER and is PI$$ED. Stephanie McMahon rushes to the ring to say what happened to Lucy was a complete accident. She may have said bad things, but never wished Lucy any harm. Thank God it doesn't take long for Triple H to interrupt, and he's walking with a purpose. He chases Stephanie around the ring and grabs her by the hair to send her back in the ring. Steph tries to escape again, but Triple H gives the crowd a treat that I'm surprised wasn't edited out of the Network/Peacock broadcast. He sets up for a Pedigree, but Jericho rushes from behind and smashes Hunter in the knee with a sledgehammer. WILL HUNTER BE ABLE TO COMPETE? ORDER WRESTLEMANIA TO FIND OUT!
The Board of Directors at WWF Headquarters have made their final decision; With Flair's decision to face the Undertaker at WrestleMania, he gives them no choice but to give Mr. McMahon the full authority of the WWF, but they reserve the right to re-visit their decision after WrestleMania. Flair cuts his own promo, to hype his match with the Undertaker. Who knew a conference room at Titan Towers was the logical place for multiple wrestling promos.
Nash cuts Austin off and Hall hits the fallaway slam for two. Nash with a series of knees to the midsection, followed by forearm blows. Austin fights out of the corner but Nash buries another knee to the midsection. Hogan in with a scoop slam and some blatant choking. That is the only (legal) one-on-one action to take place between Austin and Hogan for those keeping score with… OK, I've killed that joke. Hall with a Chokeslam, but the Razor's Edge is countered. Austin teases another comeback, but Hall cuts it off with a clothesline. Rock ends up getting the hot tag and runs wild with right hands on Nash. He comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline and takes Hall down with a DDT. Nash pops up to hit a clothesline of his own and tags in Hogan. Rock kips up, but Nash nails him from behind. Austin jumps in and starts brawling with Hall and Nash by himself. Meanwhile, Hogan hits the Rock with the big boot and finishes with the leg drop at 9:14 to a mostly babyface pop. Austin comes in to get his shots at Hogan, but Nash drops an elbow across the back and Hall lays him out with the Stunner. Not the greatest match, meant more as an appetizer. There were a few spots where guys clearly weren't on the same page, and I don't blame anyone thinking Austin/Hall and Rock/Hogan won't be able to deliver the goods from bell-to-bell. **
Final Thoughts: What a weird show to drum up last minute interest for your biggest show of the year, with the show-long saga over Lucy the Dog taking center stage for the feud involving the Undisputed Championship! Four matches were added to the PPV card, two of which were obvious, one somewhat, and then the Tag Title Match where they got lazy and throw a bunch of teams out there for one messy cluster-f*ck. Hogan pinning Rock clean as a sheet is definitely an interesting booking choice to head into the big show (not to be confused with The Big Show), but at least it was more sane than some of the crap on this show, like Christian turning on DDP as soon as he possibly could, whether he won a match on his own or not.
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