Written in May 2021, follow me on Twitter @samoarowe.
DX are at Princeton, hanging out in their limo, and Triple H and Shawn Michaels are eager to check out some COLLEGE CHICKS! Chyna might as well be invisible right now. They're going to punish Owen Hart if he crosses them again. Shawn sticks his butt out the window while HHH predicts a full moon on the campus.
Live from Penn State University. Our hosts are Jim Ross, Kevin Kelly, and Michael Cole.
Video package highlighting Hawk and Animal's history as the Legion of Doom and the difficult road to return from injuries (courtesy of the New Age Outlaws).
The parking lot cam is waiting for DX's limo, but Stone Cold's truck peels in.
Stone Cold Steve Austin drives his truck into the arena and receives a hero's welcome from the fans. Austin explains to Michael Cole that the Royal Rumble is real simple, he'll just throw anyone's @ss out who crosses him. Austin knows he's a marked man and draws a bullseye on his own chest, daring anyone in the locker room to step up.
DX's limo finally arrives, in case you were worried.
Back from commercials, a large truck is blocking DX from entering the venue. Triple H and Shawn Michaels exit the limo to investigate, but the camera cuts away.
Kurrgan isn't satisfied and piles the jobbers for a double visual pinfall. Jackyl hands Kurrgan a football helmet so he can rip to shreds, in case you needed further convincing that he's a monster.
Meanwhile, Owen Hart beats Triple H up inside the DX limo.
Marc Mero is set for action, but first addresses his situation with Sable on the mic. Or he would if the mic worked. Sable's music hits, but it's Dustin Rhodes cosplaying as Sable. Sabledust obediently removes Mero's jacket.
The DX limo returns. Shawn Michaels and Triple H look hobbled, but Owen Hart is nowhere to be seen.
Meanwhile, Vader has been left in a heap in the dressing room, possibly by Stone Cold.
Michael Cole talks to the Nation of Domination backstage. The Rock says he recruited Henry into NoD for Faarooq, who apparently was caught off guard by the previous swerve.
Time for WARZONE! Jerry Lawler replaces Kelly and Cole on commentary.
D-Generation X, consisting of WWF Champion Shawn Michaels, European Champion Triple H, and Chyna come to the ring to talk. HHH says they flushed Owen Hart down the toilet and then hits on the college girls in the audience. Shawn Michaels dismisses Mike Tyson's title of "Baddest Man in the Universe." They're interrupted by a bloody Owen Hart on the titantron. Owen is a survivor and pledges to make DX's lives a living hell. Owen enters the arena with a crutch and referees rush in to keep him from brawling with DX.
Cactus Jack hangs out on the football field at Penn State University. He reminisces about all the wars he fought against Terry Funk, which resulted in them becoming close friends. They are on the same page and the New Age Outlaws are in big trouble.
J.R. and Lawler interview Mr. McMahon on the Titantron about Mike Tyson's status. Vince reveals that Tyson will appear on Raw next week.
Sunny, dressed as a cheerleader, frolics into the ring to play ring announcer again.
Owen Hart runs in swinging a crutch to gain a measure of revenge against Los Boricuas.
DX come back for the main event segment and to welcome Kane to the group! Instead, Undertaker's music hits and the Dead Man arrives on the scene. Undertaker tells Shawn Michaels to mind his own business and goes for the throat. Chyna steps in, and Triple H swings his crutch at Taker. Michaels drops Undertaker with Sweet Chin Music and smashes the crutch over his back. The lights go out and Kane makes a dramatic entrance to save his brother. Kane and Undertaker share friendly gestures as Kane's pyro goes off. I don't have chills, you have chills.
Just kidding, the real main event segment is a Royal Rumble drawing. The WWF roster fills the ring, but Ken Shamrock picks a fight with the Nation of Domination. The Honkytonk Man randomly appears to distract everyone long enough to stop brawling. Cactus Jack comes to the ring, and then Stone Cold Steve Austin rushes in from the side to hit a Stunner and backs off while everyone brawls. Savio Vega, D'Lo Brown, and The Rock jump Austin on the stage and the show just kind of ends.
Final Thoughts: You can get away with dumpster fire shows like this when you have stars as hot as Austin, Sable, DX, Kane, and Undertaker were.
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