- Originally broadcasted live, on Pay-Per-View, on October 27th, 2013. We're coming from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, FL. Michael Cole, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and JBL are at ringside calling all the action, unless otherwise noted. In a completely "what the fuck is the point" moment, we're introduced to the Spanish announce team... along with Rey Mysterio. Screw a big shocking return! Let's just have him sitting at ringside for a weak introduction. Josh Mathews, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, and Kaitlyn make up the Expert Panel, because the guy on the poster for the PPV shouldn't be in an actual storyline [/common sense].
Goldust and Rollins start, despite Cole insisting one member of each team is in the ring at all times. I never understood tagging out to someone who isn't your partner in a one-fall to a finish match. The Rhodes' and Uso's work a solid face-vs.-face match for the opening few minutes. Reigns interrupts things by pulling Goldust to the floor and ramming him into the ring. Diving clothesline gets two. Rollins and Reigns control, making Goldust our first face-in-peril of the match. Goldust surprises Reigns with a DDT, but Cody gets taken out by Rollins before a tag can be made. Goldust continues to fend off the Shield, but now The Uso's get yanked off the apron to prevent a reluctant tag. Reigns with a back suplex for two. The Shield with lots of trash-talking until Goldust catches Reigns with a snap-powerslam. Cody FINALLY gets the hot tag and greets Rollins with a missile dropkick. Sunset flip out of the corner gets two. Moonsault gets two. Wheel-barrel boot to the midsection, but the Disaster Kick misses. Jimmy Uso tags himself in and comes off the top with a body press for two. Butt squash in the corner gets two! Reigns catches a Goldust body-press, but Jey Uso knocks both of them over the top rope, and follows with a suicide dive! Jimmy with a Samoan drop on Rollins for two! Jimmy to the top, but Rollins crotches him along the turnbuckle. Cody tags himself back in, but gets muscled into the corner. They fight on the top rope until Cody takes Rollins TO THE FLOOR, ONTO THE PILE, WITH A SUPERPLEX! Holy fuck, I can't believe that one. Rhodes covers Rollins, but Jey Uso breaks it with a splash. Reigns takes him out with a spear, and Jimmy takes Reigns out with a super-kick. Rollins fights off both Rhodes for the moment, but it's not long before Cody connects with the Cross Rhodes on Rollins for three at around 15:30. ***3/4 I'm probably overrating this on first view, but that was a hell of an opener, and an extremely well worked triple-threat match. It never once seemed like a clustered mess and had an incredibly hot finish.
- The Miz comes out to call out Bray Wyatt and his family of freaks. He's not medically cleared to wrestle an official match, so he just wants a fight. Wyatt responds with a titantron promo that hints at destruction. Go figure. Rowan and Harper attack, but suddenly THE MONSTER KANE returns from shooting See No Evil 2! And he chokeslam's Miz, because it's fun to beat up the Miz. So... what the hell? Is Kane a tweener, or what? We need answers, dammit, not more questions.
Punk controls the early moments with kicks, then clips the knee after avoiding a press slam. Punk sends him to the floor and follows with a suicide dive. He whips out a kendo stick, but Ryback quickly counters and rams Punk into the cell walls. Ryback with the Kendo Stick as he informs CM Punk that he is, indeed, a punk. Ryback controls, mostly with restholds like bearhugs and chinlocks. He'll occasionally work in some actual wrestling moves, but they usually look award, like some kind of weird jawbuster/Stunner he randomly pulls out of his ass. Punk surprises Ryback with a twisting body press, followed by a running knee to the face. Ryback counters a springboard clothesline with a powerslam, for two. Punk escapes Shell-Shock, hits another knee to the face, followed by a short-arm clothesline. Macho Man Elbow gets two. He brings a table into the ring, only to be crotched along the side of it. Punk goes low to retaliate, which makes Ryback want to lay down across the table. Punk to the top, and connects with another Macho Man Elbow, this time through the table! Punk with the GTS, and it's finally over at 13:50. Post-match, Punk brings the Kendo Stick to the top of the cell, whacks the holy hell out of Heyman with it, and givesd Heyman the GTS to finally put an end to this storyline (until Heyman comes back for revenge with Brock Lesnar). **1/2 There's very little chemistry between these two, which has been proven every time these two have met on PPV in the last 12-months. Hopefully this ends Ryback's presence at the top of the card, and maybe allows Punk to work with someone who brings something to the table other than an injury report and never-ending appetite.
Cena tries to go for the AA, but Del Rio easily escapes and clips the knee. Meanwhile, Damien Sandow is watching backstage. Spoiler: He doesn't do anything. Del Rio misses a charge, landing on the arena floor in the process. Del Rio to the top again, but this time Cena greets him coming off with a dropkick to the chest. Cena with shoulder tackles with the injured arm (no selling), followed by a back suplex. Five-Knuckle Shuffle Connect, but the AA is avoided for a second time and the Back-Stabber gets a two count. Del Rio rallies the crowd for his finisher, but Cena fights it off. Cena with a Tornado DDT from the second rope for a near fall. Cena to the top rope, and Del Rio follows with an enziguri for two. Cena avoids a second enziguri, but can't get the STF. Del Rio avoids the AA for a third time, and connects with a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker for another two count. Del Rio posts himself on as charge, and Cena comes off the top with a body press for two. Backstabber to the formerly-injured arm! Cross-Armbreaker is countered and Cena slaps on the STF! They're close to the ropes, and Del Rio forces the break. Del Rio with a pair of kicks to the head for two. Del Rio with the Cross-Armbreaker. Cena powers back to his feet and slams Del Rio to break the hold. Del Rio goes for it again, but Cena counters with the AA, and we have a new World Heavyweight Champion at 15:18. ***1/2 Only a fool wouldn't go with the obvious story of the match: Del Rio works the arm, kind of takes Cena lightly, only for Cena to overcome and win the Championship after a hard fought battle. The match could've used more time, I think, to really get going, but it's still a pretty good outing.
- The Primetime Players are goofing around on WWE 2K14, when all of a sudden Mr. Bob Backlund shows up to preach about the evils of video games. The end joke is Backlund joining in on their "Millions of Dollars" dance. Okay...
Michael Cole with the unofficial greatest slogan to describe the match: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton: One More Time. Slugfest to start, and Orton quickly takes Bryan down with his snap powerslam. He sets up for the DDT, but Bryan hangs him up across the rope, and comes off the top with a missile dropkick. Bryan with his signature kicks, but Orton interrupts his clothesline off the ropes with a well-placed dropkick. Nice nod to countering a regular spot that's been successful every time they've met. Orton with a round-about on Bryan, dropping him across the top rope with a suplex three times, before knocking him off the apron, against the Cell wall. Orton follows up by sending Bryan into the ring steps. Orton plays "reconstruct the set for a spot that's likely to go against his intention", and wouldn't you know it, Bryan reverses the whip, sending Orton into the steps. Bryan makes Orton taste the cell, then adds a hint of ring steps. Bryan traps Orton in the tree-of-woe and continues abusing him with kicks, and finishes the flurry with a basement dropkick. Orton avoids a roundhouse kick, but Bryan quickly sends him to the floor with a dropkick, and follows through the ropes with a suicide dive. Bryan goes for it one time too many, and ends up taking a face-first dive into the Cell!
Orton crotches Bryan along the ring post, and uses the post to assist him in connecting with his signature back breaker. Back inside, Orton sets Bryan up along the top turnbuckle, pounding away with rights and headbutts. He finally climbs up with him, only for Bryan to fight back and take him down with a sunset flip/powerbomb. They slug it out, battling back to their feet, with Bryan getting the upperhand. Whip to the ropes, Bryan lays Orton out with a diving clothesline. Bryan with the running dropkicks in the corner, followed by a top rope huirrcanrana! Bryan to the top again, coming down with the Swandive Headbutt for a two count. Orton ducks the roundhouse kick and rolls Bryan up for two. Bryan counters that into the Yes-Lock. Orton goes to the ropes, but that's not going to do anything. They spill to the floor, where Orton is rammed repeatedly into the Cell. This match needs blood with all the cage shots. Bryan with another running dropkick, then pulls out a steel chair. He rams Orton in the midsection, and bashes him across the back with it not once, not twice, but thrice. Bryan throws chair after chair into the ring, ten in all, and another to use for more punishment on Orton.
Back in the ring, along with piles of chairs, Orton rakes the eyes to slow Bryan down and plays Whack a Goat with one of the chairs. He gets a series of two counts, as Orton changes chairs for each attempt, as if one is magically going to win the match for him. He ends up piling up all the chairs in one stack. He sets Bryan up on the top rope, but Bryan fights him down. Orton trips him up again, and this time it's a Super-Plex! Unfortunately, the spot missed most of the pile, with only Bryan's legs kicking a couple of them. The disappointing spot only gets two. Triple H waddles down to ringside, so we must be running out of time. He instantly gets the most heat of the match, which again proves what's wrong with this whole scenario. HBK and Triple H arguing takes center stage, as Orton connects with a T-Bone Suplex, but without a referee count. Bryan goes for the Yes-Lock, but Orton fights out of it and plants Bryan with a DDT. Orton goes for the RKO, but a ref' bump knocks out Shawn Michaels.
Read that again. A SIMPLE REF BUMP KNOCKS OUT SHAWN MICHAELS. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! Triple H orders the cage door to be opened, meanwhile Bryan hits the Running Knee on Orton, but there's no count because Shawn is playing dead to a simple bump. Triple H throws Bryan down as he's trying to revive Michaels, so Bryan KO's Triple H with the Running Knee! Shawn Michaels recovers, lays out Bryan with Sweet Chin Music, and Randy Orton gets the three count and another run as WWE Champion at 22:07. Yeah, we've seen "special referee Shawn Michaels" cost someone a WWE Title before because of a misunderstanding, but still, what the hell is going on? What's Randy Orton going to be doing, defend the title against Daniel Bryan, AGAIN? Will he be defending the WWE Title against the worthless Big Show? ***1/2 Match was going well and was incredibly fun until the last five minutes, and then the wheels fell off the wagon. I've lost all hope in the top storyline the WWE is pushing on us, all hope Daniel Bryan will be used in a meaningful situation, and all hope that Raw will not feature Triple H and the McMahon's in gratuitous amounts for the next five months.
Final Thoughts: Thumbs Down. Come back in three months when Royal Rumble happens so we can hopefully get something decent going to build towards WrestleMania XXX.