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WWE Extreme Rules

May 1, 2011

by Samoa Rowe

-From Tampa, FL. Our hosts are Josh Mathews, Booker T, and Jerry Lawler.

-Before the Randy Orton/CM Punk match begins, Josh Mathews announces that the General Manager computer has banned New Nexus members from ringside. If you’re going to have an obnoxious heel GM, just go all the way with it, stop having it make fair rulings!

Last Man Standing:
Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

Punk removes some turnbuckle padding before entering the ring. Orton dominates the early brawl. Punk delivers a low kick and remembers that weapons are legal. Punk connects with some kendo stick shots. Back suplex by Punk isn’t enough to keep Orton down. Punk springboards into a kendo shot and Orton gets some revenge. Punk rebounds by catapulting Orton into the exposed turnbuckle. Punk props a chair in another corner but his bulldog attempt is countered. They trade finisher counters and Orton drives Punk into the chair! Orton bats Punk around ringside and nails a hard power slam! Punk is competitive but suffers a back suplex onto the barricade. Punk blocks the RKO in the ring and hits the GTS. Orton barely breaks the count so Punk administers a side Russian leg sweep onto a chair. Orton counters with the RKO out of nowhere. Punk survives long enough to wrap Orton’s head in a chair and drives him into the ring post! Punk attempts a GTS on the announce table but Orton counters with the RKO (but the table doesn’t break). They both struggle to their feet and Punk drops Orton onto the steps. Orton knocks Punk off the top ropes with a series of kendo shots. An RKO off the top rope finishes Punk at 20:00. A main event style brawl feels so out of place as an opener. The match was fine, I just had zero investment in this feud, ***.
Winner: Randy Orton

-Jerry Lawler leaves commentary to get ready for the “Country Whipping” match. I don’t like this any more than you do.

-On the last Smackdown, Sheamus beat Kofi Kingston up. Sheamus is angrily pacing around backstage. He’s mad because Teddy Long is making him defend the U.S. title against Kingston in a tables match. Sheamus wants to see Kofi’s birth certificate (hardy har har).

-John Morrison, the Hardcore Master, is getting ready for the main event by flipping around some stairs and wood.

United States Championship (Tables match):
Sheamus © vs. Kofi Kingston

The brand split is on it’s last gasp as the announcers play this up as Raw vs. Smackdown. Kofi takes the fight to Sheamus but gets ambushed while setting up a table. Sheamus slides the table back under the ring and stubbornly takes out a different one. Kofi tries to put Sheamus through the table while Booker T buries him on commentary for “working” for once. Sheamus sets up another table but the Celtic Cross is blocked. Sheamus delivers a flying shoulder block after almost being knocked off the apron. Sheamus abuses Kofi with a third table and props it in the corner. Kofi counters with a double stomp to the chest. Kofi misses and saves himself from the table by perching on the ropes. Booker T won’t give Kingston any credit for leaping to avoid crashing through a ringside table. Kofi blocks Sheamus on the top and hits Trouble in Paradise on the apron. Kofi nails a top rope Boom Drop to the floor to put Sheamus through a table at 9:06! A cool finish and some creativity from Kofi elevate this one from being average, **½.
Winner and new United States Champion: Kofi Kingston

-R-Truth, who is in the midst of turning heel, is mad about getting removed from tonight’s main event. He’s starting to realize that there is a conspiracy in the WWE that’s keeping him down. Truth accuses John Morrison of stealing his opportunity and if it’s one thing he can’t stand, it’s a thief. I forgot how awesome Truth’s paranoid heel character was.

Country Whipping match:
Jack Swagger and Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross

I’ll be amazed if this one ends up any higher than DUD. Cole is wearing bubble wrap for added protection from belt shots. Cole cuts a promo to remind us that he was in Yugoslavia for 9 months covering the civil war, so there’s no way he’s afraid of a couple of hicks. Lawler and Swagger start things off so we get something resembling an actual match. Ross slaps Swagger from behind, allowing Lawler to unload with belt shots. Cole enters the ring and the bubble wrap protects him from Lawler’s belt shots. Lawler punches Cole in the face and removes the wrap. Swagger tags and ties King to the ropes for a boat load of punishment. Lawler dodges the Swagger Bomb and makes a comeback. A Cole distraction allows Swagger to apply the ankle lock. J.R. distracts with some belt shots, allowing a Lawler DDT. J.R. tags in and has a field day whipping Swagger. Ross applies an ankle lock which Swagger actually sells as painful! Cole gets an unwanted tag and gets beat up by J.R. Ross nails a low blow on Swagger but Cole scores a roll-up for the win at 7:00. THE FEUD MUST CONTINUE! This was a hilariously awful train wreck, DUD.
Winners: Michael Cole and Jack Swagger

-Todd Grisham interviews John Cena backstage. Cena hasn’t been WWE champion for 10 months due to being preoccupied with the Nexus and The Rock. He promises to win the title.

-The dark, masked version of Cody Rhodes cuts a promo while his assistants pass paper bag masks to the extremely ugly people in attendance.

Falls Count Anywhere:
Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio outmaneuvers Rhodes in the early going. Rey delivers a head scissors takedown off the apron. Cody takes control in the entrance aisle. Rey smashes Cody into the video wall and lands a seated senton off the stage! They brawl into the crowd and take turns dishing out punishment. Cody directs traffic into the lobby. Rey tackles Cody into a trash can tries to pin him. Cody protects himself from being smashed into a mirror and improvises a Disaster Kick off the counter. Rey delivers a cross body off a bar counter! They brawl back into the arena and Rey runs into a hip toss over the guard rail. Rhodes wheel barrows Mysterio into the ring steps for a near fall. Back to the ring, Rey scores a springboard cross body. Flying head butt by Rey gets 2. Cody blocks 619 and nails the Alabama Slam. Rey sprays mist in Cody’s face and delivers 619. Rey drops the dime for the win at 11:38. This was certainly fun to watch, ***.
Winner: Rey Mysterio

-The divas are all hanging out together backstage but come to a hush when Layla enters the room. Layla acknowledges that no one likes her but since this could be her last night, she wants to apologize for any wrongdoings she’s been a part of. Kelly Kelly says that even though they don’t like her, they like Michelle McCool even less, and wishes her luck.

-Michael Cole has rejoined commentary and is sitting in the Cole Mine. I might have to finish this DVD on mute.

Extreme Rules (Loser Leaves WWE)
Michelle McCool vs. Layla

McCool big boots Layla out of the ring as the bell sounds. A second big boot almost ends it early. Layla shows some life but Michelle kicks her head against the announce table. Michelle begs for mercy at the first sign of a Layla comeback but counters with a belly to belly suplex. Michelle awkwardly counters on the guard rail. Layla delivers a crusher (where Michelle did all the work). Layla blocks the Clash and plants McCool with something that Booker T describes as a neck breaker. McCool counters into a Clash, but Layla reverses the cover for the win at 5:23. Both women are fake crying in the aftermath. This was as bad as you’d expect, with Michelle having to work extra hard to keep it from falling apart, ¾*.
Winner: Layla

-McCool lingers in the ring to cry as the fans chant the goodbye song. Some unfamiliar music plays and Kharma makes her official debut. Kharma puts Michelle down with the Implant Buster and laughs maniacally. Awesome debut for Kharma, it’s such a shame that things played out the way they did.

-Alberto Del Rio pumps himself up backstage with Ricardo Rodriguez. They practice the inevitable championship celebration they’ll be having shortly.

World Heavyweight Championship (Ladder match):
Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Christian

They trade blows in the early going. Christian lands a flying uppercut and is the first to go for a ladder. Del Rio ambushes, leading Christian to roll under the ring. Del Rio turns around to get a ladder and is caught by a flying drop-kick. Christian climbs and gets knocked off in unceremonious fashion. Del Rio gets knocked off too but connects with an enziguri. They spill to floor and Del Rio bridges a ladder on the apron and announce table. They trade counters around the ladder. Christian gets knocked off the turnbuckles onto a standing ladder, allowing an improvised flying cross body! They trade finisher counters until Christian flapjacks Del Rio onto a ladder in the corner. Christian climbs but Del Rio throws a mini ladder at him. Del Rio stands on the small ladder to drive his knees into Christian’s arm! Del Rio continues to go after the hurt arm, punishing it with the assorted ladders laying around. Christian counters with a drop toe hold and counters a power bomb with a head scissors. Del Rio lands on the bridged ladder. Del Rio attempts a suplex but Christian back drops him onto a ladder on the mat. An enziguri by Del Rio causes Christian to fall onto a ladder. Ricardo hands Del Rio a chair but Christian counters. Spear by Christian! Del Rio traps Christian in the ladder steps and almost gets the title before Christian escapes. Christian gets laid out on the bridged ladder but moves in time to dodge a flying cross body. Del Rio crashes through the ladder! Christian climbs to the top but Brodus Clay runs in and tips the ladder. Christian counters and knocks Clay out with the small ladder. Del Rio charges back in and drop-kicks the ladder into Christian’s face. The cross arm breaker sends a bloody Christian rolling to the floor. Del Rio is about to win when Edge drives into the arena and honks his horn for the distraction. Christian tosses Del Rio and retrieves the title at 21:00! This was a different type of ladder match that focused on Del Rio picking Christian apart, rather than going all out with crazy spots, ***½.
Winner and new World Heavyweight Champion: Christian

-Christian and Edge embrace and celebrate victory together in a heartfelt moment. It’s too bad that WWE sent a big F-U to Christian and the fans by having him drop the title to Randy Orton on the very next Smackdown.

-The Miz and Alex Riley are hanging out in the locker room. Riley is distraught over the low chances of Miz retaining the WWE title. Miz loses his patience with Riley and storms out.

WWE Tag Team Championship (Lumberjack match):
Kane and Big Show © vs. The Corre (IC Champion Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson)

It’s worth noting early that fellow Corre members Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel are among the lumberjacks. Big Show starts off by pummeling Barrett into the corner. A quick tag to Kane keeps the momentum going for the champs. Barrett manages to feed Kane to the lumberjacks. Show clears out the lumberjacks and rolls Tyler Reks and an Uso into the ring for Kane to destroy. Jackson takes advantage of the distraction and The Corre takes control. Show gets a needed tag but Jackson pulls the ropes to send him crashing into a lumberjack pile. Jackson power slams Show but Barrett tags himself in. Show finishes Barrett with a choke slam at 4:14. The Corre are so dead in the water. This was watchable filler, *.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions: Big Show and Kane

-The lumberjacks all start brawling for no apparent reason. Kane and Big Show hit stereo choke slams on Slater and Gabriel to remind us that the Corre sucks.

WWE Championship (Steel Cage match):
The Miz © vs. John Morrison vs. John Cena

I honestly forgot that Miz was still champion going into this match. Miz tries to flee the cage immediately and gets beaten down by both challengers. Morrison tries to put Cena away quickly but gets ambushed by Miz. Cena suplexes Miz but gets planted by Morrison yet again. Miz continually tries to escape over the top. Cena delivers a bulldog off the ropes on Miz! Five Knuckle Shuffle on Morrison and Skull Crushing Finale on Cena. Miz stops Morrison from escaping and they slug it out on the top. Cena and Morrison nail a big time double superplex on Miz with a bad landing! Morrison unleashes a somersault slam on Cena. Miz power bombs Morrison into the cage. Cena surprises Miz with the STF and Miz tries to crawl out the cage door anyway. Cena oh-so heroically tries to crawl out too but has to settle for a power slam on Miz. Cena tosses Morrison into the wall, but he climbs up like Spider-man. Miz tries to crawl out while Cena and Morrison are at the top, but Morrison kicks the door into him. Morrison gets crotched on the door by Cena and pulled in by Miz. A bad monkey flip by Cena on Morrison nearly ends it. DDT by Miz nearly finishes Cena. Morrison tries to sneak out while Miz works over Cena but gets pulled back in by Miz. Morrison delivers Starship Pain off the top of the cage on both opponents! Morrison is nearly out the door when R-Truth runs in for the attack. Truth shuts the door and puts Cena down with a scissors kick. Truth plants Morrison one more time for good measure and climbs out over the top to symbolize his deserved victory. Miz slowly climbs over the top but Cena blocks his victory. Cena counters the Skull Crushing Finale with a top rope Attitude Adjustment! Cena wins at 19:48. Highly entertaining main event here, elevated by a fresh face in Morrison. The Truth run-in set up the next couple months of stories and didn’t hurt the finish. Nothing like a **** effort to close the show.
Winner and new WWE Champion: John Cena

Final Thoughts: There were enough ***+ matches to make up for a couple of clunkers. I was down on WWE during this time due to a lackluster Wrestlemania 27 and the general awfulness of Michael Cole, but this show is a diamond in the rough.

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