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WWE One Night Stand: Extreme Rules

by SamoaRowe

June 3rd 2007

-June 15th 2007 is a historical date worthy of its own Hall of Fame inclusion: the date that DaWrestlingBoard added DaWrestlingSite and unleashed our little gang of wrestling nerds onto the world. I would like to honor this milestone by reviewing One Night Stand 2007. Why? Because I've never seen it. Also, it COULD have been the first review I ever wrote for the site, but here I am recapping it 10 years later.

-Formerly "ECW" One Night Stand, now it's a joint production by Raw, Smackdown, and the shell of a brand that was ECW. Within a couple of years, they'd alter the name to simply "Extreme Rules" because PG.

-From Jacksonville, Florida. Our hosts for the evening are an assortment of Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles and Tazz, and Michael Cole and JBL.

Stretcher Match:
Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam

Oh boy, I LOVE stretcher matches (and no, that's not sarcasm). The winner is whoever can wheel his opponent out on the stretcher past an arbitary painted line. You wouldn't expect that Orton was getting geared up for a title run as RVD makes him look ridiculous by kicking him in the head in the middle of a taunt. RVD gets a typical hot start until Orton inevitably takes over and the match just about dies. If you think Orton is having his most boring run now in 2017, you must be new to this. RVD hits a hilarious leaping head-butt off the floor to get back into this and slams busts Orton open via ring post. RVD drops an elbow off the the ropes onto the stretcher but later on his rolling thunder is cut off by an Orton power slam. RVD tries another somersault plancha but wipes out, taking a disgusting bump to the floor with his leg hitting the stretcher. Orton places RVD on the stretcher and hilariously is too injured to wheel him. RVD jumps off, puts Orton on, and pushes the stretcher past the line at 14:30 with relative ease, before resuming selling his injuries. RVD was on his way out, Orton was heading towards a WWE title, so of course Orton jobs here. Match was pretty boring too, minus RVD killing himself with that missed plancha. Highly disappointing, as I was in the mood for a good stretcher match too, so **.
Winner: Rob Van Dam

-Orton immediately comes back to life and destroys RVD to the point where an actual medical team wheels him out on an official stretcher. They really had to bust out the 50/50 booking when one guy was leaving?

-ECW Champion Mr. McMahon and his son, Shane, are hanging out backstage. Vince is clearly enjoying his ECW title for all it's worth (mainly trolling the audience). He has big plans to make sure tonight is Bobby Lashley's last match (he was wrong, Lashley's last match would come about a month later at the Great American Bash).

Tables Match:
The Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, and CM Punk vs. The New Breed (Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, and Matt Striker)

"Straight Edge" CM Punk and "Dangerous Alcoholic" Sandman make a strange team, eh? That's still not as strange a team as the New Breed, which at one pont featured a teacher, street preacher, vampire, and an alpha male. Dreamer and Cor Von start off with some scientific holds, just the right tone you want for a tables match. I have to lament how much better this would be with tornado rules, but then I might get accused of nitpicking. The New Breed are treated like complete jobbers in this match, and perhaps rightfully so Burke and Cor Von were on the verge of getting released. Punk and Dreamer do their worst Dudley Boyz impression and get the tables, but Punk does a great impression of himself by hitting Cor Von with a suicide dive. Sandman suddenly remembers that there are no rules and chases Striker with a kendo stick. New Breed avoids a quick table bump and isolate Punk in the ring where Burke hits a nifty elbow off the turnbuckle. Dreamer and Sandman make the save, but Striker pushse Sandman off the top rope in a potentially botched spot. Cor Von powerbombs Punk and sets him on a table, but Sandman returns with the kendo stick. Dreamer piledrives Burke and sets him in place for a Punk superplex on Striker and the New Breed is put down at 7:18. This was a rushed collection of spots that at least put Punk over strong, *3/4.
Winners: CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer, and Sandman

-Randy Orton visists Edge backstage to brag about being on the biggest roll of his life (despite just having lost a match, but who's counting?). Orton has taken out Shawn Michaels and Rob Van Dam and seems to be daring Edge to do the same to Batista.

World Tag Team Championship (Ladder Match):
Jeff and Matt Hardy © vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team (Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin)

To think, 10 years ago, the Hardy Boyz were in the midst of a nostalgia run with the tag titles on Raw. In 2017, they'd have another similar run over the same time of year. I really hope that's the only thing about 2007 that repeats. Anyhoo, this was something of a dream match at the time as the WGTT was highly regarded and also had spent some time apart. The fans in the arena are pretty jazzed for this too. All four guys go for ladders but the Hardyz abandon the weapons for surprise drop-kicks. They pile Haas and Benjamin in the corner with some ladders for Poetry in Motion. Haas recovers for a climb but Matt stops him with a neat modified electric chair slam. The Hardyz both reach the belts but Benjamin throws another ladder at them. WGTT completely botch rolling Jeff into the ladder. The Hardyz get beaten up but counter Benjamin with a disgusting double hip toss spine first onto a sideways ladder. Haas suffers a similar bump, and Hardyz fetch the larger ladders from the aisle. Man, hadn't Benjamin suffered enough after having his "mama" as a manager? The action resumes with Benjamin getting backdropped onto a hanging ladder. Haas catches Jeff with a super German suplex and he's dead. Matt has to go it alone for a while and Benjamin leaps off a ladder in the ring right onto him and a ladder! I think Benjaming got the worse of that spot as he landed right on his thighs. Meanwhile, Jeff is alive and superplexes Haas off the top of a ladder. Jeff climbs and reaches the belt, but Benjamin botches a springboard, only hitting the ladder with a glancing blow, but I think Jeff knocked himself over on purprose. Jim Ross sells the botch like a brilliant move by Shelton, and I almost buy it, because J.R. is awesome and I miss him. All four men battle by the belts, but the Hardyz tip Haas out of the ring for a painful landing. Jeff hits Benjamin with a Swanton for the exclamation mark and the Hardyz retrieve the titles at 17:17. Incredibly sloppy and dangerous ladder match here, they aimed high but just couldn't get out of their own way, **1/4.
Winners and still World Tag Team Champions: The Hardy Boyz

-Rajin Singh puts over The Great Khali's chances of becoming WWE Champion. In hindsight, I like this pairing.

-The lumberjacks get a televised entrance. Noteworthy participants include Chris Benoit (which gets a sad face from me), The Miz, Johnny Nitro (on the eve of becoming John Morrison), Carlito "Hey, what happened to my push?" Colon, and Kevin Thorn (lamest name for a vampire in history, Edward Cullen was more intimidating).

Lumberjack Match:
Mark Henry vs. Kane

It must have been time for Henry's annual push, likely coming off another injury. He'd stick around long enough to have a PPV main event with Undertaker a few months later, so good for him. Kane and Henry engage in a typical brawl, and I start thinking my computer is lagging, but really they're just that slow. Henry gets tossed and fights off the lumberjacks, returning on his own. As you might guess, the lumberjacks are a bit meaner to Kane when he's tossed. There's a story about Kane having an injured back, which prevents him from hitting a chokeslam. CUE THE BEARHUG! Kane escapes and throws Henry into some lumberjacks, setting up a flying clothesline! Kane continues to build momentum but sells his back the entire time. Kane hits a labored chokeslam, prompting lumberjacks to rush into the ring for an attack. Kane fights them off, but Henry locks on another Bear Hug... for the WIN at 9:07! That finish made me mark out, that's got to be worth an extra half star at least. The match was pretty tedious, but Kane's flying clothesline into a crowd and Henry's Bear Hug victory made me smile, *1/2.
Winner: Mark Henry

-The WGTT and Hardyz are recovering in the same room, which is pretty funny. Shelton is pissed that he and Haas had to participate in a ladder match and they all start brawling again.

ECW World Championship (Street Fight):
Mr. McMahon © (with Shane McMahon and Umaga) vs. Bobby Lashley

The ECW brand used to make me angry on a weekly basis in 2006/2007, but in hindsight, I almost respect it as one of the single greatest troll jobs in wrestling history. They baited us in with great One Night Stand events, and then gave us a show full of zombies, vampires, Miz, and Vince McMahon as ECW Champion. 10 years removed, that stuff is hilarious.

The bell rings and Lashley immediately botches an ambush dive on Umaga, getting his wrist caught in the rope in the process. Lashley recovers and tosses Shane over the ropes, once again onto Umaga. Lashley is seemingly free to put the boots to Vince, but he finally succumbs to the numbers as Shane DDT's him onto a chair. Lashley takes a 3 on 1 beatdown for a while, highlighted by Vince gleefully taking cheap shots. Shane and Umaga hold Lashley in place for a particularly sorry looking spear by Vince, and it starts to feel like they're spinning their wheels for time. Lashley avoids an Umaga splash, and Vince takes the bump in his place. Lashley cleans house, suplexing Shane over the ropes! The crowd is red hot as Lashley cracks a chair over Vince's skull. Lashley delivers the Dominator but Umaga breaks the pinfall and nails a splash off the apron. Umaga drapes Bobby on an announce table and Shane puts him through it via flying elbow off the top rope! Lashley kicks out of a late cover so Umaga hits the running butt splash. Shane goes for Coast to Coast but Lashley dodges the impact, and bounces up for a spear! Another spear to Vince ends this at 12:23. Lashley celebrates and hits another spear on Vince for good measure. This was a really labored attempt to get Lashley over as a main eventer, but it was actually starting to click. Unfortunately, Lashley would go down with an injury a month or so later and never return. This falls into the "entertaining crap" category, but they've had better garbage brawls with better results on better shows, **1/2.
Winner and new ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley

-Santino and Maria are flirting backstage. Maria turns from ditz to expert when questioned by Todd Grisham, and lays a kiss on Candice Michelle. This all turns Ron Simmons on, so cue the "DAMN!"

Pudding Match: Candice Michelle vs. Melina

Yes, the "match" is being contested inside a kiddie pool full of pudding. The fact that these sort of matches were still happening in 2007 seems mind-boggling. The participants are competing in swimsuits. Candice had been turning into a pretty solid worker during this time, but you wouldn't know it here. Candice tackles Melina into the pudding and they just roll around in typical mud wrestling fashion. The whole thing is pretty icky to recap, so let's just say that Candice wins via submission at 2:55 and move on. -**.
Winner: Candice Michelle

World Heavyweight Championship (Steel Cage Match):
Edge © vs. Batista

Poor Edge is only a month or so removed from another title reign ending injury that would result in The Great Khali getting an inexplicable championship run. Bell rings and Edge favors the "escape over the top" technique, but Batista cuts him off for a round of shoulder thrusts! Edge keeps trying to escape, and Batista just keeps kicking his ass. Batista hits a spinebuster and decides to climb out too (what a hero) and it works out just as poorly for him as Edge drop-kicks his knee and spears him against the wall. Batista's injured knee should play a part in the rest of the match. Edge tries to flee through the door, but Batista limps over to stop him. The match continues at a slow pace, but Batista does manage to hit a superplex. Batista goes for a flying shoulder block but Edge counters with a drop-kick. Edge's spear is somewhat blocked by a shoulder block and they both hit the canvas. Batista stopped selling the knee a long time ago and swats away Edge in a drop-kick, catapults him into the wall, and gets a 2 count. Edge drives Big Dave into an exposed turnbuckle and spears him for a nearfall. Batista pulls Edge off the cage for a power slam. Edge escapes from a Batista Bomb right onto the cage and nearly goes over the top, but Batista pulls him back in. Edge low blows, causing Batista to land crotch first on the ropes. Batista crawls for the door, but Edge goes over the top and lands first for the win at 15:39. Batista mopes as if he'll never get another title shot as Edge celebrates. This was every WWE cage match ever, **1/2.
Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion: Edge

WWE Championship (Falls Count Anywhere):
John Cena © vs. The Great Khali (with Ranjin Singh)

Cena was in the midst of what would become a one year title reign, the first 12 month WWE title reign in almost 20 years. Khali had just been traded to Raw, after a stint on Smackdown that included him getting taken off pay-per-views because he couldn't be trusted to have "live" matches. Khali dominates from the opening bell with his patented brand of methodical offense. Cena properly sells a closed first to the head like death. That is, until, he shakes it off but runs into a roundhouse kick that barely connects. Khali misses a standing leg drop, allowing Cena to (barely) hit a somersault bulldog. Cena goes to the top rope but Khali chops him off to ringside, just as I was going to make fun of a Falls Count Anywhere match for staying in the center of the ring. Cena rallies but accidentally drop-kicks the ring steps. They brawl into the crowd, where it's amusing to see fans holding up actual cameras and not smart phones. The fight heads to a production area, where Cena whips a production boom into Khali! Even I have to admit that was cool. Khali blocks the F-U (not yet Attitude Adjustment in the PG era) and throws Cena onto a parked crane truck. Khali looks to slam Cena off of it, but gets caught in an F-U off the truck! Cena gets the pinfall at 10:39 to hold on to his title. This was the right length and had enough bells and whistles to earn a passing grade, **1/2.
Winner and still WWE Champion: John Cena

Final Thoughts: Well, it took me 10 years to find enough interest to sit down and watch this event. Then it took me a full 4 weeks to find the motivation to actually finish watching it. That says about all you need to know. Thumbs down, leaning down! However, DaWrestlingSite gets a Thumbs up! Thanks for reading!

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