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WWE Main Event - June 17, 2014

by Scrooge McSuck

- We're building towards Money In The Bank, where a NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion is guaranteed to be crowned in a MITB Ladder Match. This past week on Monday Night Raw, the final two participants "qualified" for a spot, and I'm sure we'll recap it later in this broadcast, so we'll get into all that a little later on.

- COURTESY OF THE WWE NETWORK. Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips are at ringside calling the action, unless otherwise noted. Right before this week's episode of Main Event, I caught the last half of the Legacy of AWA Documentary. It's pretty good, but the best parts are the laughable defending and denial of everything done by Greg Gagne. For the record, Survivor Series '88 didn't cost $39.95, or anything close to that. I think it was $21.95. Just sayin'. Yes, I nitpicked THAT.

Other WWE Network tidbits waiting for Main Event: Still showing the Superstars commercial featuring mostly released talent (Aksana, 3MB, Brodus Clay, and some other guy), and a WM Rewind on EDDIE GUERRERO vs. KURT ANGLE from Mania XX. I thought that was erased from history, too. Oh, and there's that Kennel From Hell Match in 1999 that nobody wants to remember.

- Seth Rollins comes out in a black suit and to some seriously generic "rock" music. I can't tell if it's a cheap Megadeth knockoff or a cheap Metallica knockoff. He half-heartedly congratulates Roman Reigns for conning his way into the Battle Royale to determine a participant in the MITB Ladder Match, and warns him to expect payback next week on Monday Night Raw. He switches it up to ragging on Dean Ambrose for being a directionless lunatic. For reasons unknown, the crowd starts up a "Daniel Bryan" chant. Rollins declares there will be a SECOND Ladder Match, where a Contract will be traditionally on the line. The first entrant of the match? ... Seth Rollins. Dean Ambrose shows up in a wife beater and jeans (is that his new look?) and immediately it's FISTICUFFS! Kane's pyro goes off, but Ambrose fends them off. No "punishment" in the form of Ambrose vs. Kane? I feel robbed.

- Rusev and "The Ravishing Russian" Lana are out for some cheap heat. Rusev's work in the ring isn't the issue, it's the HORRIBLY OUTDATED storyline. This kind of angle died in the 80's, and yet wrestling promotions still think it's going to get over and draw money? Unless Rusev fights Rocky Balboa and has a change of heart about things at the end of a hard fought battle, I don't care.

Santino Marella vs. Rusev (w/ Lana):

Will Santino last longer than Heath Slater did last night on Monday Night Raw? No Emma with Santino, touring Australia for promoting a series of upcoming WWE shows. Rusev casually blocks a kick and lays Santino out on his ass. He slaps on The Accolade, and it's over at the 24-second mark. REALLY?! HEATH SLATER DID BETTER THAN SANTINO!? This is obviously not even worth a star rating. WWE should've busted out a Gauntlet Match for Rusev and had him squash JTG, Yoshi Tatsu, 3MB, and Brodus Clay to explain their departing WWE.

- Luke Harper has taken on a more vocal role lately for the Wyatt Family. They're hyping up the MAIN EVENT tonight with Sheamus and the Uso's. The Uso's defend the Tag Titles against Rowan and Harper, while Sheamus and Bray are scheduled to be in the WWE World Heavyweight Championship Money In The Bank Ladder Match. THAT'S A MOUTHFUL. Would Twitter even allow that many characters?

Paige (Diva's Champion) vs. Naomi (w/ Cameron):

Non-Title Match. Speaking of Brodus Clay... these two are still employed, still using the "Somebody Called My Momma" music. I miss Brodus Clay. Poor Paige... saddled with Alicia Fox and the Funkadactyls. Paige defeated Cameron the night before on Raw, so this makes some sense. They trade pin attempts to almost zero reaction. My feed crashes briefly, but comes back with them doing the "both miss a dropkick, then nip up" spot. Paige with a clothesline for a near fall, then slaps on the Abdominal Stretch. Naomi counters and locks Paige in a modified surfboard. She releases the hold and rolls Paige up, but it only gets two. Makes sense, considering the weakened shoulders. Whip to the corner and the two bop heads. Naomi goes for a cross body, but Paige rolls through for two. Naomi counters the Paige Turner and puts Paige away with what looks like Big Show's "Final Cut", at 5:30. Paige offers a handshake, but an over-enthusiastic Cameron gets bitchy, and earns an ass-beating for it. Naomi doesn't try and stop it. Nobody cares. * Match was either in slow motion, or could never build proper momentum.

- John Cena RISES ABOVE THE AUTHORITY by defeating the unbeatable Kane in a Stretcher Match to earn the final spot in the WWE World Heavyweight Championship Money In The Bank Ladder Match. Did Kane EVER win a Stretcher Match in his WWE career? That means either Randy Orton, Cesaro, Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, Bray Wyatt, Roman Reigns or John Cena will be the NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion... at Money In The Bank.

- Renee Young gets WORDS from Sheamus and The Uso Brothers. So much for that Sheamus heel turn.

- This Friday Night on Smackdown (a.k.a being taped later), Dean Ambrose goes one-on-one with DEMONSTERKANE!

Sheamus (US Champion) and Jimmy & Jey Uso (Tag Team Champions) vs. Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, and Erick Rowan:

It's our Main Event of the week on... uh... Main Event. Bray Wyatt thankfully informs everyone that we're in Columbus, OH. Phillips (or maybe Saxton) calls the Wyatts the "Three Faces of Fear." Kevin Sullivan, Ed Leslie, and Avalanche resent that remark! Wyatt teases starting, but casually tags out to Rowan. Harper and Sheamus slug it out, with Sheamus gaining the upperhand. Sheamus takes Rowan down with a rolling senton. Jey Uso with the most overly-dramatic grabbing of a chinlock you would ever see. Jey surprises Harper with a roll-up for two. Jimmy with a cross body and crescent kick to the midsection. Harper trades blows with both Uso's as we take a break as WWE pimps a movie their studio is attached to.

We return with Jey Uso in trouble on the arena floor. Wyatt measures him up and runs through him with a clothesline, completely over-sold. Bray pounds away as a weak sing-a-long is attempted from the crowd. Jey tries to fight back, but Harper plants him with the Michinoku Driver. Rowan with a pumphandle into a back breaker for two. Jey rolls away from a splash, avoids a charge to the corner, and makes the hot tag to Sheamus. He runs through Harper with axehandles and knocks him silly with a running knee and clothesline. Harper counters the clubberin' forearms, but walks into a tilt-o-whirl slam. He gives Rowan the 10-forearms and goes for White Noise, but Harper clips the knee. Jimmy Uso with a top rope body press for two. Jimmy with the running butt to the face for two. Bray gets the blind tag and surprises Jimmy with Sister Abigail for the three count at 11:39. **1/2 Standard formula Tag Match with a pretty hot finishing sequence. I don't think it comes as a surprise that an Uso was doing the job here, and that blind tag was pretty awesome.

Final Thoughts: Nice to see Main Event try and go with a standard structure for "casual" fans, but I liked Main Event for being a different presentation. Putting the big match first and then closing it with a squash or two was some old school booking. I'm looking forward to the inevitable one-on-one encounter between Ambrose and Rollins, but why is Kane still being plugged into everything good? The 6-Man Tag was good, but very "by the numbers", and the other two matches included a 30-second squash and a pretty subpar "Diva's Match." I wouldn't bother with this episode.

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