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WWE Main Event - May 29, 2013

by Scrooge McSuck

- Last Week on WWE Main Event... Alberto Del Rio defeated the undefeated (kinda) Big E. Langston in another example of WWE's terrible 50/50 booking, and I'm plagued again by the Usos, who pick up another victory over Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal of 3MB. The promised Intercontinental Championship Match between Wade Barrett and Sin Cara never took place, because the writing team lacks long-term planning, and it's been decided randomly inserting Fandango and The Miz into a program with Barrett would make more sense... after jobbing him to Sin Cara. Clean.

- Taped from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada on May 28th, 2013, with Josh Mathews, The Miz, and RICARDO RODRIGUEZ on commentary. Does this mean no more Michael Cole? I can't say I'm upset, but inserting a secondary commentator makes Main Event a bit less important looking. To be fair, Cole does have to sit through all of Raw and Smackdown, so it's understandable. Oh, and RICARDO RODRIGUEZ?! Sorry for the all caps twice, but that's just random.

Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett (Intercontinental Champion):

Yes, we've seen it before, plenty of times, and at least once or twice on Main Event, but it should be a good match, at least. $50 is on Sheamus going over clean. So Barrett has new theme music, again? For a second his theme music almost sounded like someone's who shall not be mentioned on television. Last Monday on Raw... The Miz cost Barrett a non-title match against Fandango, acting as a special referee (damn that WWE App). Sheamus grabs a headlock and comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle. Barrett responds by driving a knee to the misection and clubs away with rights. Whip to the corner, and Sheamus comes back out with a clothesline. They slug it out for a bit until Sheamus connects on another clothesline for two. Barrett takes a walk and makes gestures at the Miz, thus completing another square on Main Event Bingo. Back inside, Sheamus remains in control. They fight over a suplex, with Sheamus getting the better of it. Sheamus charges to the corner, only to meet the boot of Barrett. Sheamus counters a back drop with a boot to the chest, but Barrett meets him in the ropes with a clothesline, sending him to the floor as we take a break.

We come back, with Barrett in control, working a chinlock. During the break, Barrett sent Sheamus into the ring steps, thus punishing the believed-to-be-injured shoulder further. Barrett continues working the arm, knocking Sheamus to the floor. He drives a shoulder to the midsection and launches himself back in with a shoulder tackle. Another charge misses, this time shoulder meeting the buckle, and Barrett rolls him up for two. Barrett with a clothesline and elbow drop, then it's back to the chinlock. Barrett cuts off a comeback attempt by ramming a knee to the chest, then chokes across the middle rope. Barrett with more knees, followed by running boot, knocking Sheamus to the floor once again. Barrett follows, coming off the apron with a running elbow. He rolls Sheamus back in, but a cover only gets a two count. Sheamus meets the corner, again, but at least time he wasn't on the offensive at the time. Barrett to the second turnbuckle, only to miss the elbow drop. Sheamus is hurting too much to take advantage of the mistake, and eats another boot. Barrett celebrates prematurely and gets rolled up for two. He responds with a dropkick and covers for another two count.

Back from the second commercial break, and Barrett is still in control. Sheamus from out of nowhere with a DDT. Barrett runs into a pair of axehandles, and Sheamus comes off the ropes with a knee lift. Sheamus with a fireman's roll, followed by a shoulder tackle from the top rope for a two count. Sheamus shoots Barrett to the corner, and surprise surprise, meets an elbow. Barrett slips out of White Noise, but Sheamus turns him over with the Clover-Leaf. Barrett grabs the ropes to force a break, and cradles Sheamus on a second attempt for two. Crescent kick to the midsection by Barrett, and a second to the face for two. Sheamus slips out of Wasteland and connects with White Noise. Sheamus sets up in the corner, but the Brogue Kick misses, and Barrett connects with the twisting sidewalk slam for a two count. Sheamus escapes a pump-handle slam and connects with the Irish Curse back breaker for another two count. Sheamus pulls himself to the top rope, only to get crotched along the buckle. Barrett with the Wasteland, but that only gets two. Barrett sets up for the Bull Hammer, Sheamus sidesteps, throwing Barrett to the apron, and clubs him across the chest ten times. Thank you, Edmonton, for counting for me. Barrett escapes another White Noise and throws him shoulder first into the post, not once, but twice. Barrett comes off the ropes for his running boot, but Sheamus greets him at the same time with the Brogue Kick, and that finally finishes it at 15:45 (minus two commercial breaks). That was a fantastic free T.V. match. Solid wrestling to start, well-done heat segment with Barrett in control, and then about 5-6 minutes of back-and-forth action to close things out. It's good matches like this that make me forget that the IC Champ just jobbed, again.

- The Raw Rebound: For reasons far beyond my comprehension, the "Ambulance Match" at Payback between John Cena and Ryback is now a "Three Stages of Heck" Match (It's PG, not TV 14!). Fall #1: Lumberjacks, Fall #2: Tables, and Fall #3, Ambulance... why a LUMBERJACK Match? Has Ryback ever ran from Cena? Lumberjack Matches are meant to keep a heel CHAMPION from leaving and retaining his title in cowardly fashion. This angle is such a joke. Ryback should've won at Extreme Rules and done this match, with better booking, and give Cena the win after three grueling matches. Oh, and then he fought Curtis Axel, but that was an after-thought to Cena being distracted by an Ambulance. I honestly did mark out for Axel's "Perfect-Plex".

- We see an introduction vignette for the Wyatts. This could be VERY interesting, or it can be a colossal flop. It all depends on the WWE's creative and writing staffs. Reports from NXT have nothing but great things to say about this group, but it feels like something that would flourish in the TV-14 era, but in the era of PG, make them appear only after 10-pm on Monday Night Raw.

- Another Raw Rebound: Chris Jericho has Paul Heyman on the Highlight Reel, CM Punk's name is brought up, and hey, it's a thrown-together shit program to make Punk vs. Jericho at Payback. Why, again? Didn't Punk win their definitive match at WrestleMania XXVIII over who had the right to call themself the "Best in the World"? I'm going to say this, though: If we get CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam, WWE has my $45 right now.

Justin Gabriel vs. Antonio Cesaro:

I've seen it 12 times already, but it's going to be decent, so whatev's. Such a shame that Cesaro went from the top match on Main Event to the filler match. Hopefully he's not jobbing to Gabriel, too. They fight over a waistlock to start, with Cesaro laying Gabriel out with an uppercut. Gabriel sends him to the floor and jumps off the apron with a head scissors. Cesaro rolls back to the apron, hangs him across the top rope, and bowls him over with a clothesline. Cesaro with the double stomp to the chest, followed by his signature gutwrench suplex for two. Gabriel escapes a chinlock with a jawbuster and greets him in the corner with an elbow. He avoids an uppercut and comes off the top with a body press for two. Cesaro ducks a roundhouse kick and slaps on another chinlock. Gabriel escapes and connects with an asai moonsault for two. Gabriel to the top rope for the 450 splash, but gets crotched along the turnbuckle. Cesaro weakens Gabriel down with that heavy chinlock and quickly finishes Gabriel with the Nuetralizer at 4:13. Well, call Cesaro boring, and he puts on a squash match where he used a resthold as something meaningful to lead directly into his finisher. I guess he'll be punished now and forced to job to Brodus Clay.

R-Truth & Tons of Funk (w/ The Funkadactyls) vs. 3MB:

There's literally 5-minutes left of broadcast time as introductions start. I hate to say this, but why not just use more recaps to fill the few minutes left? Can anyone else see Tons of Funk being top challengers to the Shield for the Tag Titles? Only if Roman Reigns powerbombs Naomi or Cameron. I swear, 3MB must have the most appearances of Main Event without a victory. They're literally on every week laying down to everyone. Slater and Brodus Clay start, with Slater getting a few cheap shots in before being trapped in the corner by Clay's butt. Tensai tags in and takes him over with a butterfly suplex for two. McIntyre with a kick from the apron, allowing Slater to take over on Tensai. All punchy-kicky so far from 3MB. Mahal (the funny one) misses an elbow drop, and R-Truth gets the tag. He runs through Mahal with clotheslines and connects with a Scissors Kick for two. Heck breaks loose, with Tons of Funk tossing the remaining band members out. They squash Mahal, and R-Truth finishes with a modified Downward Spiral at 2:29. What's the point with that little time? I guess Superstars had too much on the table to squeeze this one in.

Final Thoughts: I know they aren't being pumped out as frequently these days, but hey, it's another highly entertaining episode of WWE Main Event. We opened the show with an outstanding effort from Sheamus and Wade Barrett, and even with the Champ losing, the build up to the finish was amazing and made me forget all about it. Cesaro squashed Gabriel and made a chinlock look like a move to be reckoned with, and, well, I guess the kids enjoyed watching Truth and Tons of Funk dancing. The Raw recaps once again highlight how wrong things are, but in 2-minute doses, it's all good. Here's hoping we get another great episode next week.

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