We're back in the World's Most Famous Arena for some WWF action. I was looking forward to covering the card from Boston the week earlier, but I was surprised to see it's one of the few Boston shows I don't have, and cobbling it together wouldn't be worth the effort. There's also a partial card from Houston and Maple Leaf Gardens (with the latter via fan-cam), but we'll skip all that for a full show. The B-Tour ran Tucson, AZ (with Honky vs. Bruno and Macho Man vs Steamboat on top), while a C-Tour hit Pine Bluff, AR (no results available). That means... WE GOT HULK, BABY!
Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are ringside to call the action, unless otherwise noted (Bobby Heenan also starts the show with them, but we can assume Heenan will ditch with so many of his men in action tonight).
More than 10-minutes in, the Shadows finally string together some offense as they work over Zenk. It wasn't the payday that chased Zenk away, it was selling for the Shadows at MSG! We kill more time with the Greco-Roman chin-lock. Zenk creates separation, but Conquistador Shadow cuts him off. The referee misses the hot tag and the crowd is upset. As am I, but possibly for different reasons. Shadow Proto-Smash brings Zenk in from the apron with a suplex, but a splash meets knees. Martel with the REAL hot tag, running wild in typical fired-up babyface style. DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! Heck breaks loose with all four men in the ring and Martel hits Shadow Who-the-f*ck-Cares with a body press for three at 18:59. Post-match, Bobby Heenan and Rick Martel have words, which brings the Islanders to ringside, but order is quickly restored. Long and boring. There was zero reason for these two teams to get nearly 20-minutes. I'd rather the show end a little early than pad matches for the sake of doing so. *
Hercules with a flurry of boots and knees to the back of the neck, sending Haynes to the floor and whipping him into the guardrail. Back inside, Hercules has his way with Haynes, who seems out on his feet. Haynes' comeback doesn't have much behind it and gets snuffed out immediately. Hercules with a pair of near falls off a back breaker and suplex. Another match that feels like they're going long for the sake of it, as Haynes is on defense for way too long without getting any significant offense in. Hercules grabs a Full Nelson, but those damn fingers aren't locked! Haynes hangs in there and catches Hercules by surprise with a standing clothesline. We finally get the fired up comeback, as Haynes chokes Hercules with the wrist tape and throws him on his head. Haynes with a side slam and elbow drop for a near-fall. Hercules with a blatant low blow and the referee seems cool with it. What is this, the Attitude Era? They trade blows, looking absolutely spent. Hercules grabs the trunks to throw Haynes through the ropes. The fight continues on the floor and surprisingly ISN'T a count-out finish. More brawling and the bell rings at 22:54 for the whatever-the-f*ck time limit draw they were going for. This would have been a heck of a lot better if they trimmed like 4-5 minutes, at least a few in that middle lull and one from the final fight where they just kept going. **¾
Haku finally gets some momentum as Gorilla is in awe that Roma hasn't messed up his hair yet. Tama with an assist from the floor, making sure Roma doesn't get the rally going. Powers makes the mistake of trying to enter the ring, allowing a double-team choke. More punishment for Roma before we slow it down with the nerve hold of doom. Roma surprises Tama with a suplex, but is cut off immediately. Haku blocks another attempt for the corner, carrying Roma across the ring and holding him wipe open for Tama to come off the ropes with a dropkick. Another escape from a nerve hold, and another comeback cut short. Roma fights with everything he has to get to his corner, but the Islanders put a stop just as he's within reach of a tag. Powers FINALLY gets the hot tag, running wild on both Islanders with dropkicks. Powers manages to botch a back body-drop. Heck breaks loose and the Islanders finish with a combo back breaker and splash at 19:04. This had a bit more going for it than the opener, but again, needlessly long. **
A headbutt has the Champion on rubber legs, allowing Race to hit a gut-wrench suplex for two. Whip across the ring is reversed, with Race taking his signature bump to the floor. Hogan stalks Heenan around ringside, giving Race time to recover and send him into the post. Race with a chair, jabbing Hogan in the throat with it. Race loads up for a headbutt but smacks his own head on the concrete. OUCH. Back inside, Hogan with the big boot and atomic drop. AXE BOMBER sends Race through the ropes, crashing into the rail. Race tries taking a walk, but Hogan chases him down the aisle. THERE WILL BE NO SURRENDER, BROTHER. Race manages to stun the Hulkster and hit the piledriver on the concrete. Heenan hands Race the WWF Championship, using it as a weapon. Race climbs the ropes and the flying headbutt meets the belt! Hogan smashes Race across the face with the belt one more time for good measure and covers to retain at 9:58. Race is a bloody mess as Hogan celebrates his victory. Great match that delivered on the expectations of a wild brawl. ****
The WWF returns to Madison Square Garden on Saturday Night, July 25th. Dino Bravo will be in action! Nikolai Volkoff will face Tito Santana! The Hart Foundation defends their Tag Team Championship against the British Bulldogs! Greg "The Hammer" Valentine faces Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake! In the MAIN EVENT, The Honkytonk Man defends the Intercontinental Championship against Jake "The Snake" Roberts! This feels like a B-tour lineup if I've ever heard one. BREAKING NEWS: One more match has been signed, as The Islanders take on the Can-Am Connection! CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE.
Haynes runs wild, taking shots at the Foundation and chucking Davis across the ring with a press slam. Full Nelson applied, but Bret quickly saved. Now it's Haynes turn to take the beating, and at least he can do more than flop or stand around, doubled over. On the other hand, he worked 20+ earlier, so don't expect too much from him. They're stretching this one out too. Davis does his routine again, and it's less interesting each time. Neidhart slows it down with a chin-lock for God knows what reason. Bret picks up where Neidhart left off, tempting me to just fit Fast Forward and get this over with. The referee misses the hot tag, but heel miscommunication allows Davey Boy to get the tag moments later. He runs wild, knocking Neidhart out of the ring and hitting Bret with the delayed suplex for two. Small package and Neidhart makes the save. Heck breaks loose with all six men in the ring. Bret takes the chest-first bump in the corner and Davey drops Dynamite on top for three at 18:07. Even that looked like too much for DK to do. Another perfectly fine but way-too-long match to finish a night loaded with them. **½
Final Thoughts: What a chore of a card to get through. Four matches that are in the neighborhood of 20-minutes, several of them featuring prelim geeks. On the positive side, Hogan and Race had a fantastic brawl, and some of the work is solid, but there's negatives to go with the positives of the under-card. I'd recommend tracking down Hogan/Race, and passing on the rest. Haynes and Hercules worked plenty of other shows, and broken-down Dynamite is no fun to watch.
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