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WWF SuperTape (Vol. 3)

by Scrooge McSuck

- Sean Mooney is our host, along with Lord Alfred Hayes. They're doing some sort of lame "pilot" gag, with Lord Alfred Hayes flying an imaginary green-screen aircraft, while Mooney plays the role of... that person who talks over the intercom? Don't ask, it's kind of stupid. Sean Mooney goes on and on for a few minutes, talking about nothing specifically. In the previous two versions of Supertape, we got a rundown of what we were going to see, since those tapes had stuff worth getting excited about... kind of. This tape? We just jump right into the first match...

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
"The Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich © vs. Mr. Perfect:

Pulled from the September 16th, 1990 card held at the Maple Leaf Gardens, but at this point, there's no more kickass ramp leading right to the ring. Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred Hayes are calling the action, so prepare for a lot of dull chatter. Lockup to start, and Tornado sends Perfect flying into the corner. Perfect tries for a sucker punch, but Tornado blocks. Whip to the corner, and Perfect slaps on a sleeper hold. Seriously, a rest hold within the first minute of the match? Tornado tries to power out, but Perfect with a knee to the midsection, then back to the hold. Tornado with elbows, but he runs into another sleeper hold, and this time Perfect brings it down to the canvas. Tornado fights free again, and it looks like he has a bloody nose. Perfect with a snapmare, followed by a less-than-perfect neck snap. Perfect with a small package for a two count, then an elbow drop for another two count. Irish whip, and Perfect misses a dropkick. Tornado with a series of rights, but Perfect thumbs the eye. Perfect jumps off the second rope, right into the Claw of Von Erich. Tornado with the Tornado Punch, knocking Perfect out of the ring. Tornado follows out and lays into Perfect with rights, but gets thrown into the post, and Perfect beats the count into the ring for the tainted victory at 7:38. Wow, that sucked. I don't think I've ever seen a good match between these two considering how much they worked together.

"Superfly" Jimmy Snuka vs. The Barbarian:

Excuse me... AAAAHHH!!! Sorry, wanted to get that out of the way before I have to suffer through this one. Pulled from the June 17th, 1990 card held at the Maple Leaf Gardens, and once again, we've got Mooney and Lord Alfred calling the action. This match is so boring, Snuka isn't even wearing his usual tights... just solid black trunks. Mooney and Hayes poke fun at the hometown of Parts Unknown, so even MOONEY thought it was stupid. Barbarian shoves and Snuka "hoo's" back at him. Lockup into the ropes, and Barbarian with another shove. One lone woman, or child, yells "Boring!". You know it sucks when you can hear each individual cat-call from the crowd. Barbarian with a side headlock, and he works that for a while. Irish whip, and Barbarian with... do I even have to tell you? Snuka with chops, followed by a second rope double chop to the neck. You could've at least given us a headbutt! Snuka hears my prayers, hitting the diving variety, knocking Barbarian out of the ring. Back inside, and Snuka grabs a headlock... and how new is the commentary for this match? Mooney refers to Mr. Perfect as "once again the Intercontinental" champion, but this was taped during his first run with the belt. I hate commentary that jumps around from the source material. Barbarian wants a test-of-strength, but some annoying chick keeps screaming "NO!" Then someone does the Tarzan yell from that Baltimora song. I honestly find more enjoyment out of listening to the crowd than I am paying attention to the match. Snuka goes to work on the arm, but Barbarian escapes and puts Snuka down with a clothesline. Irish whip, and Barbarian with a knee to the midsection. The "action" spills out of the ring, and Barbarian rams Snuka into the post. I'm surprised we haven't seen a bearhug spot, yet. Snuka manages to blow a sunset flip back into the ring, but he counters the pin and pose of the Barbarian... for a two count. That spot usually ends a Barbarian match. Guess what time it is? BEARHUG TIME! After about three minutes, Snuka escapes. After another two minutes, Barbarian boots a charging Snuka, and uses the ropes for leverage to pin the Superfly at 15:17. Atrociously bad match. I don't know what they were going for here, except a complete lack of effort into making something at least partially enjoyable. Quite possibly one of the worst matches I've ever seen on any Coliseum Video.

Tugboat vs. Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart):

I don't know where this was taped from, but it's from either the end of 1990 or very beginning of 1991. Mooney "jokingly" refers to this as a "Tag Team Match of the Month", because of both men are fat fucks. If this is short, it might be watchable, but who knows. Tugboat attacks before the bell and squashes Quake in the corner, then takes him over with a hip toss. Tugboat with a side headlock, but a shoulder block doesn't do anything. Irish whip, and repeat. Earthquake bounces off the ropes and connects with a dropkick. Now that looked impressive. Earthquake stomps away on Tugboat and throws him into the corner like the bitch he is. Earthquake with more stomping, followed by some choking. Earthquake winds up and drops a pair of elbows for a two count. Irish whip, and a shoulder block spot... again. Tugboat puts Earthquake down with a clothesline, and hits the big splash. Jimmy Hart hops on the apron and gets assaulted. Tugboat connects with his own dropkick, and Earthquake does the Andre The Giant Special™. Earthquake frees himself and Dino Bravo runs in for the Disqualification at 6:23. Double slam from the Evil Canadians, but Tugboat rolls away from the butt drop. Another match that blew, but the dropkicks were pretty cool, I guess.

- It's time for the Feature Profile of the Tape... Hawk and Animal, the Legion of Doom.

The Ultimate Warrior (WWF Champion) & The Legion of Doom vs. Demolition:

From the September 21st, 1990 card held at Madison Square Garden. A whole, seperate rant can be made about Warrior, as reigning WWF Champion, being demoted to 6-Man Tag main events, rather than running shows against a monster heel in title defenses, but we'll leave that one alone... for now. Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on the call, by the way. Hawk and Animal are still sporting some of their darker, cooler WCW tights, rather than the normal WWF look they would adopt shortly after (the heavy on the red designs). A trio of clotheslines quickly clears the ring for the Warriors. Smash surprises Animal with a clothesline, and smashes away (no pun intended). Irish whip is reversed, and Animal takes Smash over with a powerslam for a two count. Animal with an elbow drop, but Smash no-sells and thumbs the throat. Crush tags in, and quickly gets worked over, but even his no-selling isn't done right. Crush, in 1990, was green as green can be, and that's all I'm going to say about the subject. Crush with a back breaker on Hawk, but Hawk barely sells that. Whip to the corner, and Crush with a forearm to the back. Whip is reversed, and Hawk with a clothesline, followed by a dropkick. Irish whip, and Hawk with the diving shoulder tackle, followed by a fist drop for a two count. Ax tags in, and he gets to play bump buddy for Warrior, who lays into him with bootsm followed by a clothesline. Warrior with slams to all three members of Demolition, but a splash attempt on Ax misses the target. Warrior sells it by doing the stop, drop, and roll technique used in fire prevention class.

Ax tosses Warrior through the ropes, and to no surprise, Smash and Crush work him over. I noticed Monsoon constantly calls the LOD "Doom" when refering to them. So... the WWF Champion, who is booked as being impervious to punishment, is being used as the face-in-peril to Demolition? Yeah, Warrior got the shaft during his WWF Championship reign. The crowd is on life-support, as Demolition make frequent tags to work Warrior over. Animal breaks up a Decapitation attempt, but Warrior seems to be doing some sort of 70's style shuffle as a way to sell his comeback. Animal makes the tag and clotheslines everyone. Animal calls for the Doomsday Device, but Smash breaks it up. Animal gets to play face-in-peril now. Crush ups the excitement level with a bearhug. Animal briefly counters, but gets knocked back down and choked. Oh my God... Monsoon is so desperately trying to carry the broadcast, trying to feed Alfred the line "the guy with the paint is the legal man", then responds to it himself, as Alfred just laughs and plays stupid the whole time. Smash takes Animal down with a back suplex, but it only gets two. CHINLOCK! Ax tags in, takes Animal over with a snapmare, and applies another chinlock. Crush tags in next, as this mess drags on. Whip to the corner, and Animal explodes out with a clothesline to Crush. Warrior gets the hot tag and hits everything walking with clotheslines. Shoulder tackle and splash on Smash, and it's over (finally) at 13:05. This one was all over the place, with very little rhythm, and a dead crowd. The only way you can like this match is if you're a big fan of clotheslines.

The Legion of Doom vs. Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji):

(Hawk & Animal vs. Smash & Crush)
Taped sometime around the turn of the new year, and I'm not expecting much now. Demolition dumped the three members thing after Survivor Series, and it was shortly before that where Mr. Fuji took over as manager for them in the war against the LOD. Mooney and Hayes are back, whoopy. Animal and Crush start, and Animal quickly puts him down with a slam. Crush avoids an elbow, slams Animal, and misses a leg drop. Animal with a belly-to-belly suplex, and the ring is cleared. Crowd is dead. Damn those marathon long Wrestling Challenge tapings. Smash wants some of Hawk, and gets his wish granted. Hawk hammers away with rights, then comes off the ropes with a clothesline and diving shoulder tackle. Hawk counters a wristlock with another clothesline. Irish whip is reversed, Fuji trips up Hawk, and Smash knocks Hawk out of the ring. Fuji earns his pay for the match, with a well placed cane shot to the back. Hawk gets to play face-in-peril, but there's just NOTHING happening. Crush with a bearhug... smell the excitement. Or should I say excrement? Smash with a snapmare, and it's chinlock time! Smash lures Animal into the ring, and it's a double pounding on Hawk for his troubles. Smash drops Hawk across the top rope and covers for two. The Decapitation on Hawk connects, but Animal breaks the pin. Hawk surprises Crush with a clothesline (big surprise), and Animal gets the "hot" tag. Irish whip and a powerslam on Smash, followed by a clothesline to both members of Demolition. Fuji knocks Hawk off the apron, going for the Doomsday Device, and Crush nails Animal with a clothesline. Smash with a back breaker, and Crush off the top with a knee drop. Smash goes for... something, but Hawk comes off the top rope with a clothesline, and the three count is made at 10:03. At least it had a pinfall conclussion, unlike their last television meeting, which ended in a lame Disqualification. Much like the rest of the tape so far, this match sucked.

- Lord Alfred Hayes is standing by with the Call of the Action, and we're highlighting the newcomer known as Shane Douglas. He's wrestling a masked Jobber probably named the Black Phantom or something, and Lord Alfred seems much more excited everytime the camera freezes on Douglas' bulge. Maybe I made that last part up, but this tape is just too damn boring.

Marty Jannetty vs. Paul Roma (w/ Hercules):

From the same MSG card as the previous Six-Man Tag, and a direct result of what happened at SummerSlam, where Power & Glory "injured" Shawn Michaels (storyline cover up for a legit injury he had at the time). For whatever reason, Roma started going by the name (unofficially) as "Romeo Roma", and Mooney and Hayes actually refer to him as that throughout the match. Jannetty attacks before the bell and sends Roma to the corner with an atomic drop. Jannetty with mounted punches, then takes him over with a hurricanrana, and punches some more. Roma uses the tights for leverage to toss Jannetty out of the ring, then drives a knee to the midsection to knock him off the apron. Way to kill the momentum of the match, Roma. Jannetty pulls Roma outside, but gets rammed into the ring for his troubles. Back in the ring, and Roma stomps away on Jannetty. Irish whip, and Jannetty goes for a sunset flip, but Roma is too strong (?!) to be taken down. Irish whip, and Roma pounds Jannetty across the back, then chokes away. Roma to the top rope, and he comes off with a sledge across the back for a two count. Roma with a pair of back breakers, followed by a running powerslam, but he chooses to pose rather than cover. Irish whip, and Jannetty with a surprise back slide for a two count. Roma is up first, and stomps some more. Jannetty with a small package for another two count, and this time Roma slaps on a chinlock. Jannetty fights free, but a clothesline turns him inside out. CHINLOCK!!! Jannetty rams Roma into the corner to escape, but misses a splash. Roma with an elbow to the back of the head, then back to the chinlock. Jannetty with elbows to the midsection to escape. Roma goes for a suplex, but Jannetty blocks and takes Roma over with his own. Jannetty with an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Irish whip, and Jannetty with a diving elbow. Jannetty with a fist to the midsection, followed by a running knee lift. Whip to the corner is reversed, but Jannetty boots Roma coming in, and comes off the ropes with a crappy bulldog (thanks Roma for walking too far away). Jannetty with a top rope fist drop, but Hercules pulls him out of the ring. Jannetty hammers away on Hercules and nails Roma with a crescent kick. Jannetty with a slam, but Hercules sweeps the leg, and Roma lands on top for the (assisted) three count at 13:40. Jannetty gets a few shots in after the match, but double teaming is in order until officials break it up. Match was fine when Jannetty was in control, but Roma wasted at least 6-minutes with chinlocks. Sadly, this was the most enjoyable match of the tape, and that's not really a compliment.

Fan Favorite Match: Big Boss Man vs. "Million $ Man" Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil):

Taped on August 8th, 1990 from the Providence Civic Center in Providence, RI. Boss Man vs. Dibiase was one of the many programs that never had a proper blowoff for Dibiase around this time, as Dibiase was shuttled into a feud with Dusty Rhodes before the Boss Man thing could come to a conclussion. Boss Man hits the ring and quickly chases Dibiase around, wielding the nightstick. Dibiase threatens to take a walk, but obviously returns once the nightstick is taken away. Dibiase tries a sneak attack, but Boss Man dodges and rams him to the buckle ten times. Irish whip, and Boss Man with an axehandle to the midsection, followed by an inverted atomic drop. Boss Man follows Dibiase out of the ring, and hammers away with more rights, then introduces Dibiase to the ring steps. Boss Man with his belt, and he chokes Dibiase, then whips him across the back several times. Back in the ring, and Boss Man rakes the back and connects with a headbutt. Boss Man misses a splash, allowing Dibiase time to take a breather. Dibiase uses the nightstick behind the referee's back, and Boss Man can only blame himself for that one. Dibiase goes to work on the ribs, the location of the nightstick blow. Dibiase follows Boss Man out of the ring and whips him into the ring post, then tosses him into the steps. Dibiase with a healthy cackle as a bunch of kids mouth off to him. Back in the ring, and Boss Man chokes Dibiase, but Dibiase goes to the ribs again, and pounds away with axehandle blows. Whip to the corner, and Dibiase rams Boss Man hard into the buckle. Irish whip, and Dibiase with a clothesline. Boss Man with rapid fire blows to take Dibiase off his feet, but Dibiase goes back to the injured ribs. Irish whip, and Dibiase slaps on a bearhug!? Boss Man fights free, and a double clothesline puts both men down. Dibiase heads to the second turnbuckle, and to little surprise, Boss Man nails him coming off. Boss Man with a pair of clotheslines, followed by an inverted atomic drop. Boss Man takes a shot at Virgil, and nails him with a big boot. Double noggin'knocker! Boss Man clotheslines Virgil over the top rope, and sends Dibiase out of the ring with an atomic drop. The bell rings mysteriously at 11:01, and it's a DISQUALIFICATION victory for Ted Dibiase? Dibiase and Virgil attack after the bell, but Boss Man recovers to clear the ring with his nightstick. Slow start and a balls finish, but it was very watchable otherwise, and match of the tape. Sean Mooney declares that Dibiase faught the law and the law won. HA!

- We get a collection of the WWF's Most Outrageous Hits. It's just a bunch of clips of WWF Superstars hitting their signature moves on Jobbers, with clips from the recent Survivor Series spliced in, as well. What a waste of four minutes.

Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Mr. Perfect (w/ Bobby Heenan):

Taped a few weeks before SummerSlam, and at least someone had the intelligence to cut out Perfect's entrance, since he was the reigning Intercontinental Champion at the time. I don't have any definitive list, but this might be the only match between these two, at least that exists on video... and Sean Mooney blows everything talking about this being for the INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE. Perfect attacks from behind, but misses a charge into the corner. Roberts goes to work on the arm with a wristlock, then drives a series of knees into the elbow. Roberts continues working the arm, despite Perfect's attempts of slugging his way free. This seems to last forever, compared to the usual average time of a Jake Roberts match. Perfect finally escapes with an arm drag, but Roberts goes back to the arm. Perfect counters, and Roberts escapes with an elbow. Roberts with an armbar, and another counter and elbow spot sends Perfect out of the ring. I'm so bored, I just remembered these two being on opposite teams at Survivor Series '88, but I meant in a more traditional match. Heenan distracts Roberts, FINALLY allowing Heenan to take control. Ahem... BORING!!! Back in the ring, and Perfect works the left shoulder over. Perfect with a wristlock, and he takes Roberts down by the hair. Roberts fights back to his feet, but a kick to the arm puts him back down. Lord Alfred gives a (verbal) wrestling lesson to Sean Mooney, making it the most memorable moment of the match. Perfect charges to the corner and eats boot. Roberts comes back with his signature jabs, followed by a roundhouse right. Roberts connects with a short-arm clothesline, and calls for the DDT. Heenan comes in to draw a Disqualification at 10:22, and Perfect tosses the referee out of the ring. Heenan pulls Damian into the center of the ring, as Perfect goes for the Perfect-Plex onto it, but Roberts blocks it and nails the DDT instead. Roberts unleashes Damian to scare Heenan off. Match was technically a decent match, but so damn boring.

Final Thoughts: This might've been one of the most boring Coliseum Videos I have ever sat through. Only one match managed to keep my interest from start to finish, and the rest just dragged ass. You want two crappy matches with Mr. Perfect? Two matches between the LOD and Demolition? Paul Roma's never ending chinlock? Barbarian and Snuka's negative star classic? Wastes of time like call of the action and "outrageous hits"? Then this is the tape for you! Absolutely nothing here is worth tracking down, unless you REALLY need to see a ** match between Boss Man and Dibiase.

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