The Twisted, Disturbed Life of Kane (Disc 2)
by Scrooge McSuck
- It only took me about two years (22 months, to be exact), but here we go with Part 2 of 3 of the Twisted, Disturbed Life of Kane DVD set. For those who don't remember what we saw on the first part of the series, we got to witness "Classic" matches featuring Kane taking on the likes of Mankind (Survivor Series '97, Kane's 1st match), The Undertaker (Wrestlemania XIV, Unforgiven's Inferno Match), Steve Austin (King of the Ring '98, Kane's first World Title), with X-Pac winning the Tag Titles from Double J and Owen Hart, X-Pac (Armageddon 99 cage match), Chris Jericho (Armageddon 2000 Last Man Standing), and a token Tag Match with the Undertaker challenging for the Tag Titles in a Tables Match at No Way Out 2001. Wow, that one sure doesn't belong, does it? Overall, as a fan of Kane, a pretty good collection of matches, although I'm sure we could've found something better than those last two matches.
- WWF Intercontinental Title; Chain Match:
Triple H (c) (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. Kane: From Judgment Day 2001, and I don't think I ever saw this match. I r
emember "watching" it on scramble-vision and marking out, but that was it. Weird show, overall, and Triple H would famously tear his quad on live television the next night that was meant to further the angle that was being developed on the PPV instead of landing him on the DL for nearly a year. Weird seeing Triple H as IC Champion, especially at a point when he was WAY above that status. Still love the entrance with Motorhead's 1st theme for him. Even when I hated him, I couldn't hate his entrance. The rules concerning the chain are much like a strap match, but instead it's with a chain tied to both wrestlers wrists. And speaking of entrances that are easy to mark out for... except the one time the pyro didn't go off. That was pretty funny.
Trips attacks from behind with a chain and works the previously injured arm of Kane, wrapping it around the ring post and then ramming it onto the steel steps. Trips grabs a chair and bashes Kane with it across the back and arm, because, hey, if a CHAIN is legal, why not a chair? Same word, just sub out the "n" with an "r". Back into the ring, and Trips gets the honors of putting the chain around the wrists. Kane is back up and slugs Triple H down, then whips him with the chain. Trips jerks the chain to bring Kane down to his knees, and stomps away. Trips to the top rope, and he comes down with a double axehadle for a two count. I guess it's just a "win by pinfall" version. Back to the outside, and Triple H uses the leverage of the chain to pull Kane into the ring steps. Back in the ring, and HHH grabs another chair, but this time Kane pulls the chain to smack Triple H face first into the steps, only with the chair sandwiched between the points. Triple H blades, too, so Kane rams him face first into the steps over and over, and the crowd loves it. Kane jerks the chain and connects with a short-arm clothesline (of sorts). Into the ring, and Kane wraps the chain around the Game's face, and that's always a pleasing visual (see: Piper/Valentine, Starrcade '83). Kane wraps the chain around the throat of Triple H and hangs him from inside the ring. Kane heads outside again, and whips Trips across the back. Back inside again, and Kane heads to the top rope, only to be pulled off at the last moment. Trips with a clothesline, using the chain of course. The action spills outside again, and Kane ends up knocking Triple H into the crowd with a Mike Tyson inspired uppercut. The chain becomes the wild card again, as Trips uses it to pull Kane into the security wall, but Kane recovers in time to slam Trips off the wall. Irish whip, and Trips with a face-buster, followed by another clothesline. Trips goes for the pedigree, but Kane sweeps the legs and drops a chain-covered fist... um... somewhere unpleasant. I think Miami, but I'm not too sure. Kane heads to the top rope again, and this time connects with his signature flying clothesline, except using the chain instead. Kane calls for the end, and plants Trips with the chokeslam. Here comes Steve Austin, and he eats boot for his troubles. Kane dumps him out of the ring, but Triple H recovers enough to nail a low blow. Austin has a chair, but he accidentally nails Triple H with it. Kane knocks Austin out of the ring, covers Triple H, and we've got a NEW Intercontinental Champion at 12:30. ** Not a classic encounter (these two never had THAT good of chemistry to begin with), but it was a fun brawl that utlizied the chain for most of the match, and the crowd was really pumped for it, and that always helps keeps my attention. Kane's reign of champion would only last roughly two months, before losing it to Albert of all people. Too bad that match from Smackdown isn't on the set.
- Kane vs. Kurt Angle:
From Wrestlemania X-8, one of the most poorly built-up Wrestlemania's I can think of. This is a classic example of "neither has anything to do, so here we go." I'm not TOO sure, but I think Angle was blaming Kane for something that kept him out of the main event, but it was so insignificant. I do remember Angle making Kane tap out sometime around this, the first time anyone ever made Kane tap, so there ya' go. Angle debuts his "alternate universe" black singlet, back when all he wore was combinations of red, white, and/or blue. Kurt Angle with hair is such a weird visual, since it's been forever since he started shaving his head. Angle jumps Kane before the bell, bashing him with the ring bell. Angle with a series of rights, but Kane fights back with his own. Angle ducks a roundhouse and takes Kane down with a release German suplex. Jim Ross and Lawler keep mentioning head trauma, so I'm guessing they were doing a "Angle bashed Kane's brains in good" angle? Anyway, back to the action, and Kane regains control. Whip to the corner, and Kane lifts Angle up with a choke before slamming him back down. Kane with the goozle, but Angle grabs the ropes, and instead eats a clothesline. Whip to the corner again, but this time Kane misses a charge. Angle takes Kane over with an over-head belly-to-belly suplex, then connects with a series of clotheslines. Blows are exchanged until Kane is sent to the corner and Angle takes him down with a back suplex for a two count. Angle applies a front facelock and wrenches on the neck. Kane powers out by tossing Angle off. Angle goes back to work, but runs into Kane's signature side suplex. Kane with a boot to the chest, but a suplex attempt fails, and Angle rips off Chris Benoit by doing the series of German suplexes. That only gets a two count, though. Angle heads to the top rope, and connects with a flying clothesline. Angle heads to the top again, and we all know what to expect... Kane nails him with a clothesline coming down, and now both men are down. We get another slugfest, and Kane wins that one. Irish whip is reversed, and Kane boots Angle in the face, then follows with a clothesline. Irish whip and back body drop. Kane charges with a clothesline in the corner, then plants Kane with a powerslam, but that only gets a two count. Kane connects with the chokeslam, but it's right next to the ropes, so naturally, Angle has an out there. Kane tries for the tombstone, but Angle fucks with the mask, and nails the Angle Slam, but Kane kicks out at two! Angle pulls the straps down and applies the Ankle Lock. Kane rolls through and kicks off, but Angle is back on. Kane grabs the ropes and nails Angle with an enziguri.. Kane heads to the top, but Angle debuts his fake-out spot and rushes up the ropes to slam Kane off with a belly-to-belly, drawing a pop from a crowd that's been against him all night. Kane escapes the Angle Slam, and Angle in return counters a chokeslam with a roll-up, but fucks it up... and it's still good enough for the three count at 10:44. Well, that sure was ugly. *** Except for the horrible botch of a finishing pin, this was a pretty good match. There was hardly any dead time, some cool spots, and just seemed like there was a nice chemistry between the two. Still, that finish SUCKED.
- World Heavyweight Title and Intercontinental Title Unification Match:
Triple H vs. Kane (IC champ):
From No Mercy 2002, and Kane has debuted yet another new look, as his ring attire keeps revealing more and more skin, and it seems like he has red belts buckled all around black mesh now. For those who've tried to block this out of their minds, this was the "blowoff" to the Katie Vick storyline. You remember, when Triple H accused Kane of killing a high school girlfriend and raping her corpse, not only crossing the lines of decency, but completely ignoring any previous character development of Kane's. Oh, and lets not forget Triple H's home video with the mannequin doll. First time I ever turned wrestling off feeling like a piece of shit for watching it. Anyway, WWE was hell bent on getting rid of titles at this point, already unifying the IC Title with the Hardcore and European belts over the summer, so I guess that makes it the Inter-Euro-Core Championship. Kane had recently came back from an injury (I think) and was pretty hot and primed for a main event run. Enter, Triple H. Logic says Kane goes over, as Triple H winning doesn't do anything for him and just makes Kane look bad after all the build up. Plus, wouldn't it make more sense for the lesser champion to go over to unify the titles? In a case like the European Title, or any other meaningless belt, who cares, but let's think back. What if Hulk Hogan went over at WrestleMania VI? Yes, it was Title vs. Title and not a unification, but it doesn't do anything for the higher champion to go over in a situation like this. Just saying. I know this is pointless, but I remember someone doing a spoof of Punch-Out, using Triple H in place of Super Macho Man, and giving him a sledgehammer to bash any opponents with. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Anyway, let's get to the match. Kane gives Triple H a deathly look before they lockup, and Kane is obviously the aggressor. Kane levels Trips with a roundhouse right, and keeps giving Trips the stink-eye. Triple H with a boot to the midsection, followed by some rights. Whip to the corner is reversed, and it looks like we got a botched spot. Kane choke pushes Trips back to the corner and beats him down with rights. Irish whip, and Kane with a sloppy back body drop, sending Trips out of the ring. Kane pulls him back in the ring and continues to hammer away. Kane with a clothesline for a quick two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Kane follows in with another clothesline. Whip to the corner, but this time a charge misses, and Triple H connects with a neck breaker. We go through a series of counters until Kane takes Trips over with a powerslam, for a two count. Irish whip, and Trips connects with his signature face buster, then clotheslines Kane out of the ring. Kane goes for a chokeslam outside, but Trips thumbs the eye and sends Kane into the steel post. Back in the ring, and Triple H stomps away. Kane slugs back in the corner, but Trips goes low and connects with a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Triple H is going War Zone on us, hitting yet another neck breaker. Guess what?? Triple H with his FOURTH neck breaker of the match, and it makes me wonder if this is rivaling Scott Steiner's 89 uses of a suplex at the Royal Rumble the following year. Whip to the corner, and Triple H runs into an elbow, but takes a charging Kane down with a spinebuster for another two count. Trips gives Kane the guillotine treatment as this match has slowed to a pathetic crawl. Kane tries fighting back, as Pete Rose is name dropped. Triple H applies a sleeper, and I remember this being a joke at the time too, because he went over lower card guys like Jeff Hardy and D'Lo Brown with the move on Raw. Kane breaks the hold, taking Triple H down with a back suplex, but he misses the ellbow drop that always misses. Trips bounces off the ropes, and eats boot for his troubles. Kane sends him to the corner, and follows in with a clothesline, followed by a side suplex. Kane heads to the top rope, and connects with his signature flying clothesline.
Here comes Ric Flair for whatever god damn reason, and hangs up Kane across the top rope. Irish whip is reversed, and Kane with another boot. Flair comes in with the belt, but gets knocked down again. Trips has the belt and he rings Kane's bell with it, but that only gets a two count. The Hurricane (Kane's partner for a brief Tag Title reign) comes out to attack Flair, but Triple H goes over with the pedigree on the floor. Jobbing to a guy when you're not even a legal participant of the match is always awesome. Kane recovers from his nap and cleans Trips' clock some more. Kane with a powerslam, but that only gets two. Triple H jumps into the arms of Kane and gets set up on the top turnbuckle. Triple H throws Kane off from a super-plex attempt, but eats boot (again) coming off the top trying to do something that looked staged. Kane signals for the end, but Triple H escapes with elbows to the side of the head. Kane throws a boot, but the referee gets nailed instead. Kane charges, but Trips back drops him out of the ring. He hops down into the hand of Kane, and Kane chokeslams him through the Spanish Announcers Table. Flair comes over to chop away on KAne, but that's not working, and Kane beats on the elderly some more. Back in the ring, and Flair has a sledgehammer. Kane blocks the blow and grabs it himself, but Triple H nails a low blow. Kane tries for the tombstone, but Triple H hits him with the sledgehammer mid-move attempt. He tries to nail him again, but Kane ducks and connects with a chokeslam. Here comes another referee, but Flair pulls him out at the count of two and knocks him out, too. Flair heads to the top rope, and jumps into a chokeslam, and yes, the Hurricane is STILL knocked out on the floor. That was a hell of a pedigree, nearly 7 minutes ago. Triple H connects with a pedigree on Kane, and this mess is over at 16:12. 1/2* Horribly over-booked nonsense. There seemed to be zero chemistry here, with a bunch of random spots thrown around, and what seemed like a horribly phoned in effort. This match sucked when I first saw it on PPV, and my opinion somehow has gotten worse for it.
- Kane & Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho & Christian:
From the January 6th, 2003 episode of Raw, and I'm guessing this is only here to set up the eventual unmasking of Kane that then lead to a nonsensical feud with RVD over nothing. Talk about four guys being horribly under-used, here. Seriously, these guys were just thrown into tag teams for a good 3-4 months between Survivor Series and Wrestlemania, and then they randomly toss Jericho into a feud with Shawn Michaels, even though he'd been jobbing for a good part of the last half year at this point. Oh, and Kane and RVD were important enough to bump to Sunday Night Heat for a Tag Title Match at Wrestlemania, because their time had to go to the Celebrity Guests... the Miller Lite Catfight Girls. Yeah. What the fuck ever.
For whatever reason, the Chris' have Randy Orton in their corner. Remember the whole RNN Updates? Wow, amazing that's what I remember about Orton's NINE YEARS in the company. I always had a theory with RVD... the more awesome his designs were on his trunks, the more he'd give a crap. Oh, and the good guys have Shawn Michaels in their corner. This match HAS NO BUSINESS BEING ON A KANE DVD. All four men brawl to start, with the good guys ending it with Jericho being press slammed onto Christian. RVD bounces off the ropes and connects with a somersault plancha. RVD tosses Jericho back into the corner and kicks away in the corner. Just as long as he doesn't throw any punches... Whip to the corner, and RVD runs into a boot, but recovers in time to connect with a spinning heel kick. RVD to the top rope, but Christian shoves him off, onto the entrance aisle. What's with RVD's butt sweat? Christian and Jericho work him over pretty good. Jericho with a back suplex, followed by a series of elbow drops for a two count. Jericho with a snapmare, then applies a modified surfboard. Christian tags back in and is quickly over-matched by RVD but manages to trap RVD in a front facelock. Kane gets the tag, but the referee didn't see it, so RVD gets worked over by Randy Orton instead. Shawn Michaels comes out of nowhere and KO's Orton with Sweet Chin Music. Jericho returns the favor, throwing Shawn into the ring steps. Back in the ring, and RVD fights off both men. Kane gets the lukewarm tag and cleans house of the Canadians. Kane with a clothesline to Christian and boot to Jericho. Powerslam on Christian for a two count. Kane blocks a double suplex, and takes both men over himself. Kane to the top rope, and he nails Christian with his signature clothesline. Kane calls for the end, but gets kicked in the balls by Christian, and taken down with a reverse DDT, but that only gets a two count. Chairs are brought into the ring, but the Con-Chair-To misses, and Shawn trips up both men, pulling Jericho out of the ring in the process. RVD heads to the top and missile dropkicks Christian. Kane plants him with the chokeslam, and RVD finishes things with the 5-Star Frog Splash at 7:10. * Alright for a throw away Raw "main event", but other than the closing minutes, a junker of a tag match, and again, I question why THIS match was chosen, and not, say, Kane and RVD winning the tag titles at any point for the rest of the Winter.
Note: I've noticed my anger increasing when discussing the horrible misuse of Kane at this point, especially for the previous match with Triple H, and it's only going to get worse. I'm sorry, in advance, for any more ranting I do.
- Video Package time. On the June 26th, 2003 episode of Raw, Triple H beat Kane (again) in a Mask vs. Title Match. Kane unmasked, revealing a horrible Larry of the Three Stooges Haircut and some horribly placed make-up to give a "burned" look, but it looks more like he fell into a pile of cigarette ashes. Anyway, Kane returned the next week with a shaved head (with a weird, five o'clock shadow kind of effect on part of his head) and no facial hair and no scarring. It's here we learn it was all psychological, and he was never burned up (again ignoring previous development of his character). Kane's character turned heel, was lead to the ring in shackles, and started assault everyone in his path, from Rob Van Dam, to Co-GM's Eric Bischoff and Steve Austin, to Linda McMahon of all people, someone who was untouchable to anyone. Kane was hotter than he'd ever been at this point and should've been given some kind of high profile championship, but no... what we got was something much, much worse. But first, another pointless match.
- Steel Cage Match:
Rob Van Dam vs. Kane:
From the September 8th, 2003 episode of Raw, and I guess we'll just assume the more dominating and watchable SummerSlam match wasn't good enough to take the place of this. I remember the previous week, this match was hyped to open the show, which SUCKED, because I was working at Publix Supermarket at the time, and didn't get off my shift until 9 o'clock. Fucking bastards. Kane is still selling being killed by Shane McMahon the night after Summerslam. Don't ask. Kane attacks before the bell and pounds away on RVD. Whip to the corner, and Kane charges in with a clothesline. Kane scoops RVD up, but RVD escapes and connects with a heel kick. RV to the top rope, and he connects with a somersault. Kane sits up, and RVD follows with a basement dropkick. RVD comes off the ropes, but gets caught in a cross body and thrown into the cage for his trouble. Kane scoops him up, and tosses him into the cage once again. Is he making Rob Van Dam FEEL HIS PAIN!?! Kane maintains control and plants with RVD with a side suplex, then tosses him into the cage, again. RVD tries mounting a comeback, dropkicking Kane into the cage, but a heel kick is countered, and Kane connects with a pump-powerslam. Kane attempts a powerbomb, but RVD clings to the wall to escape, but is quickly sent back to the canvas following a big boot. Kane heads to the top rope, but RVD nails him with a boot to the face, and Kane crotches himself in the process. RVD with a series of thrusts to the midsection, followed by a cross body against the cage wall. I hadn't noticed, but RVD bladed at some point earlier in the match. Kane prevents an escape attempt, and RVD comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick. RVD connects with rolling Thunder, then tries escaping again. Kane sits up and pulls RVD back by the leg. There's a power struggle, and RVD wins that, kicking Kane off the top rope. RVD opts to finish Kane off instead of escaping, but misses the 5-Star Frog Splash. Kane sets up for a powerbomb, but keeps throwing RVD forward, dropping him throat first across the top rope. Kane scoops RVD up and throws him into the cage, but it doesn't break enough, so Kane does it again, and RVD again just smacks into it hard. Kane mocks RVD's signature posing, then hurls RVD through the cage, and the bell rings at 8:42... but Eric Bischoff uses a technicality, and has the match restarted. You can't win going THROUGH the cage, just through the door or over the cage. Or pinfall.
Kane tosses RVD back into the ring after a commercial break, and rams him face first into the cage wall several times. Time for some trash talking! RVD tries going through the door, but Kane slams it back into his face. Kane tosses RVD to the ground like a sack of potatoes from the A&P. RVD climbs the cage as Kane taunts him the whole time, but pulls him back when RVD makes a serious go for it. Kane takes RVD off the top rope with a super-chokeslam, and the three count is academic at 2:15 to give Kane the second victory of the match. *1/4 Not that good of a match, but it made Kane look pretty strong, I guess, and that was the only point to it (yes, burrying Rob Van Dam in the process). RVD gets stretchered out afterwards, and Kane seems to enjoy the pain he's caused RVD.
- Last Man Standing Match:
Shane McMahon vs. Kane:
From Unforgiven 2003, and the hottest heel in the company is thrown into a never-ending feud with Shane fucking McMahon. Way to kill someones momentum, again. The build-up for this match was quite comical. First, as mentioned, Kane tombstones Linda McMahon on the ramp. Shane wants revenge, but Kane doesn't want to be fucked with, so he attempts to throw Shane into a dumpster filled with gasoline (a horrible pyro used in lieu of a REAL fire, of course), but Shane knocks Kane into the fire instead. Kane survives, with minimal brusing and a lot of magic bandages, then handcuffs Shane to the ring post and electrocutes his nut sack. After that, we get a scene out of General Hospital (or ER, take your pick), where Dr. Kane makes a visit and assaults Shane who is laid up in a hospital bed. After that (and leading up to Survivor Series), Shane attempted to kill Kane (again), by crashing a limosuine he trapped Kane in into one of those 18-wheelers that WWE uses to cart equipment from town to town. The cou de grace though, had to be "My Dinner with Kane", my loving joke inspired by the movie My Dinner with Andre, as Shane invites Kane to dinner... and they DON'T fight. Go figure. But that last bit was after this show, but it seemed more (non)sensical if you pool it all together.
For the record, I hate these kinds of matches, because they're all the same, and it's just nonsense how the whole counting thing works, and it's pretty damn evident later in the match. For whatever reason, Kane had a thing for wearing a black towel on his head during his entrances at this point, and he once again debuts a new look, ditching the singlet part of his trunks, exposing his chest, and revamping his tights once again, with black being incredibly dominant. Shane attacks Kane during his entrance, nailing him with a steel chair. Kane no-sells them, but takes a few shots to the head, and the referee starts counting out Kane. Shane with another chair shot. Kane throws up his hands on another, so Shane hits him in the legs with the chair, this time. Shane wraps Kane's leg around the ring post, but Kane uses his strength to knock Shane back. Shane no-sells though, and clips the knee of Kane several times, then slams him face first into the steps. (Counting...) Shane tries punching Kane down, but Kane pie-faces him into the security wall. Shane hops on top of the wall, but jumps into a botched powerslam. (Counting...) Kane hammers away on Shane and tosses him into the steps. Kane with the steps, and he bashes Shane with them. (Counting...) Back in the ring, and Kane with a series of boots. Kane signals for the end, and plants Shane with a chokeslam. (Counting...) Shane uses the referee as leverage to pull himself up, then uses him as a shield as Kane throws a big boot. Kane scoops him up, but then dumps him down for some trash talking. Kane throws the steps into the ring, but a piledriver attempt fails, and Shane bulldogs Kane onto the ring steps instead, thenbaseball slides the steps into Kane to add insult to injury. Shane slams the steps down on top of Kane, then pins him up in the corner of the ring. Shane rips off RVD and nails the Van-Terminator, and it's still an awesome spot, and VERY impressive considering how much further in length corner-to-corrner WWE rings are in comparison. Kane is dead, but so is the referee, from a single boot. Crowd chants "one more time", but this isn't ECW, you get it once and you should be happy. Shane sniffs around Kane, and gets the steps pushes back into him as Kane starts waking up. The referee FINALLY wakes up to count both men, but it's not over yet. Kane tosses Shane over the top rope, to the floor. They fight up the aisle, and Kane misses a charge into the security wall. Shane hammers away on the ribs of Kane, thinking he's Rocky to Kane's Apollo or something. Kane recovers and throws a vicious right, and his heavy breathing is pretty creepy sounding. Kane lifts Shane back to his feet and throws him into the Unforgiven set. (Counting...) Kane grabs Shane by the throat and throws him into the set, again. And again. And again. (Counting...) Kane keeps using the set-up to his advantage, then rams Shane face-first into the side of the Spanish Announce Table. (Counting...) Kane clears the area and tries dumping the entire table onto the fallen McMahon, but Shane manages to roll out of the way in the nick of time. I should note the referee stopped counting for whatever reason to set up the spot. Shane comes out of nowhere and hammers away on Kane with some sort equipment from ringside, then throws the boom-camera into Kane's face. (Counting...) Naturally, we get the boom-cam replay of the spot, for comedy purposes, I suppose. Shane chokes Kane with some cables, then drags him up onto the stage and/or stunt spot. Shane with his stupid wanna-be-boxing, a low blow, and DDT. (Counting...) Shane with one of the monitors, and he bashes Kane with it. The referee isn't counting the fallen Kane, as Shane EVER SO SLOWLY climbs to the top of the Unforgiven stage, and in the most obvious "I'm jumping onto a prop spot" ever, Shane jumps off, Kane rolls away, and Shane gets counted down at 19:50, even though Kane was knocked out, IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE, for a good minute. DUD Match sucked and is an insult to the intelligence of wrestling fans who are expected to believe any of this shit makes sense. I liked it a lot more at SummerSlam 2000 when he did it in a match with Steve Blackman, and it looked a little more believable.
- Ambulance Match:
Shane McMahon vs. Kane:
From Survivor Series 2003, and the feud indeed did get stretched out for an additional TWO MONTHS (remember, back around this time, there was "brand exclusive" PPV's, so Raw guys haven't seen PPV time since the second week of September). You win the match by stuffing your opponent into the back of an Ambulance parked at the top of the entrance area. WWE's own sign guy is in the front row with a "Mirrors Fear Kane" sign. Shane with a bum rush, and a cross body takes both men over the top rope. Kane pounds away and tosses Shane into the ring steps. Kane with the steps, and Shane retaliates by bashing them back in his face with a steel chair. Shane disassembles the spanish announcers table, and nails Kane with a monitor. Shane lays Kane across the table, heads to the top rope, and nails an elbow through the table. For some reason, I remembered Kane avoiding it, but whatever. Now, for whatever reason, we play Cat-and-Mouse through the crowd. We cut to the backstage area... and the feed goes out, so not only does the action leave the crowd, the camera goes out, too. Who's booking this, WCW? Wait, WCW never extended feuds further than three weeks. Anyway, Shane has a kendo stick, and we all know what he does with it. Shane jumps into a strategically placed SUV and backs up into Kane. Now we know who drove the Hummer, too. Shane walkie-talkies in a different ambulance, but this match isn't over yet (sadly). Kane sits up from the stretcher and throws Shane into the walls. At least they aren't made of cheap plaster, like at Wrestlemania X-Seven... and camera TWO goes out, now. I have a hunch the action between camera cuts was taped in advance. Back to the "action" and we finally return to the stage, where I spy a grave for the Buried Alive Match scheduled later in the show. Kane tosses Shane onto the ambulance, and I've rapidly lost any motivation to watch any more of this. Kane scoops Shane up, but Shane slides free and rams Kane into the side of the ambulance and smashes Kane in the face with the back-door. Kane shoves Shane back and quickly takes over with a big boot. Kane tosses Shane into the ambulance, but Shane blocks the door from being shut. Shane rips off the Rock and nails a Tornado DDT on the concrete floor, but it didn't look as cool as it sounds, because Shane's just a backyard wrestler, at best. Shane with a garbage can (see) and bashes Kane with it. More props are used, I don't care to explain what they are. Shane climbs on top of the ambulance, and it's a revised version of the Van-Terminator, but it just looked too gimmicked to make me care, especially the break-away crate he landed on to break the impact of his fall. Shane tries putting Kane in the ambulance again, but again, can't finish the job as Kane pulls him in with him. Kane looks pissed, slamming Shane into the ambulance a few times. HUMAN JAVELINE TIME! Kane signals for the end, but instead choke throws Shane into the ambulance. Kane scoops Shane up and tombstones him on the concrete (thankfully, with a decent camera shot to avoid the horrible protection). That's enough to stuff Shane in the back and close the doors for the victory at 13:34. 1/4* Sucked slightly less than the previous match, and thankfully ended this horrid feud.
- Matt Hardy (w/ Lita) vs. Kane:
From Summerslam 2004, and this show is memorable just for the Toronto crowd shitting on almost all of the babyfaces and for sitting on their hands during certain matches of importance. Weird stipulation here has the winner of the match marrying Lita, who was pregnant with Kane's demon baby. Yeah, things weren't getting too much better for Kane, but at least he's wrestling someone that's, you know, a WRESTLER at this point. Matt Hardy has phased out his dorky-yet-awesome "Version 1" gimmick at this point, so we know who's going over. Pregnant Lita was kinda hot, and there's my two cents. Kane finally has enough self-esteem to not cover his head with a towel anymore. Hardy rushes Kane before the bell and hammers away. Whip to the corner is reversed, but Kane runs into a boot. Matt with a Side-Effect for a quick two count. Hardy continues pounding away on Kane for another near fall. Matt with a tornado DDT on Kane for another two count. Matt throws some shit-tastic punches, then gets nailed with an uppercut for his troubles. Irish whip, and Hardy with a boot to the face, but he runs right into a clothesline. Whip to the corner, and Kane follows in with a clothesline. Kane pounds Hardy down to the canvas, and chokes away. Lita distracts Kane from outside the ring, allowing Hardy time to recover. Kane charges, but spills out of the ring, and Matt follows with a plancha. Hardy with a Twist-of-Fate, but this isn't Falls Count Anywhere... but count-out's are valid. Whoops. Kane makes it back in the ring, so Lita grabs the ring bell and tosses it in the ring. Hardy grabs it and rings Kane's... uh... bell, with it, but that only gets a two count as Kane puts his foot on the ropes. Hardy to the top rope, and he jumps into the goozle. Hardy fights out and goes for another Twist of Fate, but Kane shoves him off and connects with a big boot. Kane to the top rope, but Hardy prevents the clothesline. Kane recovers though, and a Super-Chokeslam is more than enough to finish Matt Hardy off at 6:09, for the only pop of the match. 1/2* Classic moment: Lita runs down the aisle, and passes a sign that reads "Lita is a Dumas." For those who don't get it, there was a commercial (Snickers?) where a guy was being interviewed and calls the other guy "Mr. Dumbass", mispronouncing "Dumas") and of course, Lita's last name is "Dumas." That was more entertaining than this match.
BONUS FEATURES! - From the March 28th, 2002 episode of Smackdown. Hulk Hogan and the Rock are getting ready for a match with the New World Order (Hall, Nash, X-Pac). Kane comes in and starts doing his impersonations of Hogan and the Rock. Pretty funny stuff, and the first time Kane was allowed to show his goofy side.
- From the September 30th, 2002 episode of Raw. Terri Runnels is interviewing Chris Jericho and Gregory Helms (yeah, the whole Superman undercover shtick) when Kane comes in to interrupt things. Terri might be smitten with Kane... and plants one on him. Chicks dig the mask, indeed.
- From the December 26th, 2002 episode of Raw. Kane and RVD cut a promo together, and it's like a really bad comedy duo. I would've prefered to see the christmas thing where RVD put tinsle on Kane's head and gave him Hungry Hungry Hippos.
- From the July 14th, 2003 episode of Raw. Jim Ross has a very special interview with Kane. We find out, as mentioned earlier, that Kane was never phsyically scarred and is just mentally unbalanced. Ends with Kane setting Jim Ross on fire.
- From the August 23rd, 2004 episode of Raw, and it's THE greatest wedding in the history of wrestling. Kane's music is played on string instruments, Lita is decked out in a black wedding dress, Kane is in an all white tuxedo, we've got creepy midget ring bearers and maids of honor, Trish Stratus interrupts things and looks incredibly hot wearing nothing but white... lingerie, and then we get the comedy of the vows. Lita, READING HER LINES OFF CARDS, still manages to blow her lines. Matt Hardy interrupts things, but Kane creates a wall of fire in front and behind the two of them, but they aren't smart enough to climb through the crowd. Kane takes care of Hardy, marries Lita, and things FINALLY come to an end.
Final Thoughts Part 2: I think my attitude towards this era of Kane is pretty obvious. I started out a bit pumped, enjoying the first couple of matches presented. Then things turned to shit, and you can see how horrible I thought everything was planned out. Then when there was a silver lining to the cloud, it fell apart again. In terms of match ratings, this disc isn't too impressive, the storylines that were developed and featured here were terrible, and it's just a forgetable few years that isn't something one watches out of enjoyment (except for that wedding, that was awesome). Disc 2 is a total thumbs down, but let's hope Disc 3 picks up with a little glimmer of hope.