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TNA Impact! - July 15, 2005

by erick von erich

What the HECK?
It's IMPACT! Available exclusively on the Internet, where you can view it in a lil' 4 x 6 window on your computer! Mike Tenay reminds us that "we are counting down the hours until No Surrender on July 17th" (TNA's big PPV). And I didn't set my watch! That's what I get for recapping a show six days late! But first, here's a replay of Jeff Jarrett braining Zach Gowan with a guitar. Y'know, they're not trying to sell Gowan as a novelty or anything...they just keep telling us that he's "a one-legged man". Naw, that's not condescending at all.

Petey Williams & Eric Young vs. Samoa Joe & Christopher Daniels

EY has his Ed Grimley shampoo horn/rooster comb hairdo! Daniels attacks Petey in the back to start. Samoa Joe, the popular indy favorite comes in and...punches. Daniels returns for a flying leg-lariat. Joe is back for...a SNAPMARE. A Punch! A chop to the face and a cover! Don West says "Samoa Joe can do so many things!" Golly, maybe he'll do a powerslam!? Daniels with a suplex and Petey rakes the eyes to escape and make the tag to EY. Backbreaker gets 2. Petey is rested and helps out on a doubleteam sunset slip and EY legdrop for 2. A double German suplex and a fistdrop from EY gets another 2. Samoa Joe hits a nice snap-slam on Petey and applies a cross-arm breaker. Okay, there's something cool... ruining my belief that Joe was overrated. Chris Sabin enters and puls Joe out. The two brawl to the back...fans. will this issue be settled at No Surrender!? Call your cable company now! Ohh..I'm six days late. So, umm..call and get the replay, or wait for the DVD? EY irish-whips Dnailes into Petey, who delivers the Canadian Destroyer flip piledriver to get the "upset" pin on X-Division Champ Daniels.

Terry Taylor is backstage with Cassidy Riley. Riley thanks Raven for saving him and introducing him to pain. Oh fuck...ANOTHER bullshit "Raven as the enigmatic cult leader" angle. Gee, MAYBE Raven can form a group of followers AGAIN?! What will they call them this time?! Raven's Birdhouse? Raven's Zoo? Raven's Aviary...wait, the pseudo cerebral Raven might use that last one.

Simon Diamond & Trytan vs. Sonny Siaki & Apolo

Apolo shoves off Diamond and starts a brawl. Apolo slams him for a quick 2. Tag to Siaki for a doubelteam arm-drag, then a Northern Right suplex for 2. Trytan reaches in for a cheapshot clothesline on Siaki, then tags in. BIG Boot from Trytan for 2. Diamond with a suplex, then holds it and delivers two more. Siaki blocks the third attempt and both guys tag out. Apolo superkicks and shoulderblocks Trytan, then a 4-way brawl emerges. With the ref trying to maintain order, Trytan lifts Apolo on his shoulders so Diamond can hit a superkick. Trytan applies his death valley driver/ facebuster finisher to score the pin.

Konnan & Ron "The Truth" Killings vs. The Outlaw and "The Alpha Male" Monty Brown

Konnan does his microphone schtick but before he can "arriba la raza", the bad guys attack. The teams brawl all around ringside as he match is thrown out. Fans, will this issue be settled at No Surrender?! Call now and... sorry. My bad.

Shocker vs. Sonjay Dutt

Shocker comes out in overalls, kinda' like Rey Mysterio in his Filthy Animal days. Shocker with a waistlock takedown, then a mat sequence with both guys rolling through a wristlock. Sonjay sends Shocker outside, but misses a slingshot shot dive. Shocker tosses him back in for an elbowdrop and a DDT. Sonjay goes up-top for a flying cross-body to score 2. They trade roll-ups and covers, then Sonjay tries a tornado DDT. Shocker throws him off and hits a dropkick for 2. Powerbomb and secodn rope elbow from Shocker. Shocker applies a cool armbar, flipping over into a rolling cradle to score the quick pin.

James Mitchell is backstage with his man, The Monster Abyss! Mitchell warns Raven about the upcoming dog collar match. Basic, evil, old-school "my man will demolish you" interview. He even uses the word "bamboozle", while Abyss uses the word "Hurrrrrmm!"

"X Division Pioneer" Jerry Lynn gives a mild promo for his upcoming guest referee duty in No Surrender's AJ Styels v. Sean Waltman match. He acknowledges facing Waltman 12 years ago.... holy crap, long live the GWF!

A.J. Styles & Sean Waltman vs. Bobby Roode & A-1

Waltman and Styles work on A-1's arm. A-1 charges Styles, who drops down, grabs the ropes and sends him flying to outside. Styles leaps over the top rope and flies onto both Canadians. Back in for Return to the Land of Armbar Vol. II. Styles get a drop toe hold on Roode and it's Roode's turn in the armbar. Waltman whips Roode to the ropes and makes a blind tag to Styles. Styles flies off the top rope with a cross-body for 2. Roode comes back with a full nelson slam as the heel take over. A-1 stomps, knees and goes to a resthold. Styles gets a "Pele' kick" and makes the tag to Waltman. Roode tries flipping Waltman over his head, but Waltman uses the lift to dropkick A-1. Roode hits him with a slam and a 4-way brawl errupts. Waltman accidentally kicks Styles, then gets pinned by Roode. Team Canada celebrates up the aisle as Waltman and Styles exchande Unkind Words and come to blows.

If I cared about Raven, I'd tell you that he cuts a promo to close the show.

Why'd You Watch This?

Basic hype for the upcoming PPV, but nothing meaty or interesting. Shocker vs. Sonjay Dutt was the highlight, just for Shocker's cradle move. The duality of Team Canada is rather annoying. In the first match, they're faces...but in the last match they're heels. Same effect last week, but I guess you can chalk it up to roster shortage or lack of new faces. No Tracy or Shark Boy makes this episode forgettable.

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