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Impact Wrestling - January 30, 2015

by Samoa Rowe

-From New York, NY. Our hosts are Josh Mathews and Taz, neither of whom sound like themselves this week, but I can’t tell if that’s due to their technical issues or because I’m watching this on Youtube.

-Bobby Roode comes to the ring, still wielding the TNA World title, which he apparently couldn’t just hand back to Bobby Lashley after the 34th St. scuffle last week. Just like the commentator’s, Roode’s voice sounds comically deep, and if this is what home viewers heard, then it’s simply awful. Roode is still pissed about Eric Young costing him the World title and wants to spill his blood. There is a loud “Bobby” chant, but that could be crowd sweetening, so take that for what it’s worth. He invites Lashley to the ring, theoretically so he can hand the belt back over like a man. But first, Roode puts Lashley over for standing up to the BDC and for their past matches together. Roode wants his rematch tonight, in fact, right here and now. Lashley accepts, but Austin Aries shows up wielding his Feast or Fired briefcase. Aries puts both men on notice because his briefcase has Money in the Bank-like implications. MVP interrupts, calling the three men in the ring “Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest.” Lashley doesn’t back down and wants to face MVP, Aries, and Roode together in a 4-way. This was a long winded way to set up a match, but three of these four guys are good talkers, so it didn’t drag like some Raw segments do.

-Kurt Angle says returning to the ring has awakened the American hero in him. He’s going to assemble a team to face the BDC in a Lethal Lockdown match.

Knockouts Championship:
Taryn Terrell © vs. Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim

This is kind of random since the last time we saw Gail Kim she was on the receiving end of a Havok ass-kicking. They actually spend time putting over Taryn getting knocked out by Will Ferrell in a basketball movie (wasn’t that movie from like 6-7 years ago?). Match starts with Gail and Taryn ganging up on poor Madison before trying to catch one another in pinning predicaments. Madison yanks Gail to ringside but eats a Taryn suplex. Madison shakes it off and builds some momentum against the champion. Gail returns in time for Madison to deliver an Ace Crusher/DDT combo. Why let the heel get in the cool baby face offense? Gail stretches the leg of Madison, but Taryn breaks it with a headlock. Taryn knocks both of her opponents off the top rope, and flap jacks Taryn onto the steel steps! Rayne smashes Gail’s head off the steps as well, and she has to do her Beauty Pageant wave to remind the fans that she’s the heel. The fans reward their efforts with a “We want puppies” chant. Madison plants Taryn with a chin breaker, but Gail breaks it up, only to crash and burn on a springboard attempt. Terrell plants Rayne for the win at 6:38. Some odd booking decisions drag this otherwise fun spotfest down a bit, **.
Winner and still TNA Knockouts Champion: Taryn Terrell

-Lockdown is no longer a pay-per-view, but an extra special episode of Impact Wrestling! It comes next week.

-The cameras meet Magnus on the streets of NYC, as he’s headed to a bar. He’s meeting his buddy, Bram, to have a civilized discussion about what happened between them during Feast or Fired.

-Tommy Dreamer is in the house!

-Rockstar Spud mistakes the Empire State Building for the Washington Monument. He pumps up his new buddy, Mark Andrews, who wants to know where the White House is. Spud thinks it’s a few blocks away, so they head off to look. I hope they get mugged. -Tommy Dreamer heads to the ring and enjoys a beer from a fan. He’s here to pander to the fans and also to address the Eric Young situation. Young, mastering the heel art of walking slowly, makes his way to the ring. Eric gets into Dreamer’s face and warns him to mind his own business. Dreamer doesn’t’ back down, telling Young that he’s making a mistake with his recent actions. Tommy says he knows how it feels to have friends stab him in the back, and warns Eric not to burn bridges with Bobby Roode, as well as the fans. Eric is defiant, and says he’s going to blow up his bridges. Dreamer calls Young out for never having asked Roode for a title shot, and that seems to briefly resonate with Young. Instead, Eric puts Tommy down with a piledriver. I have to give Eric Young all the credit in the world for believable heel turn.

-The Hardy Boyz are pumped up for their shot at the tag titles inside the Six Sides of Steel, and Jeff Hardy has all the weapons he needs to go toe to toe with Abyss in a Monster’s Ball match.

-Magnus finds Bram at the pub. They head to commercial as the least natural looking bartender in the world asks Magnus what he wants to drink.

-Kurt Angle grills Gunner for not living up to his potential and slaps him upside the head. Angle manages to recruit Gunner for his team at Lethal Lockdown.

-Back to the pub, Bram and Magnus are bickering about Feast or Fired. Magnus tries to make peace by offering Bram the chance to be his partner when he cashes in on the tag titles. Magnus lectures Bram for having a temper that’s holding him back. Bram seems to calm down and thanks Magnus for everything he’s done for him, including getting him a job in TNA in the first place. Magnus continues his soap box lecture, saying that they’re older now and the stakes are higher, so this is all about taking care of his family. They seem to be back on good terms. They cut to later, where Bram suggests Magnus leave through a back door, which typically leads to an ambush. Bram repeatedly smashes Magnus into a door smashes a golf ball (or something small, white, and round) over his head. Personally, I would have waited for Bram to stab Magnus in the back in the middle of their tag title match, but I guess this works too.

-Josh Mathews and Taz react to what Bram just did. It dons on me that we’re halfway through the show and there’s been one match.

-The cameras discover that Jeff Hardy and Abyss started their Monsters Ball match backstage.

Monsters Ball:
Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss

They brawl towards the ring and Jeff is in the driver’s seat after a chair shot. Jeff sets up a table, but Abyss blocks with a choke slam attempt. Jeff blocks, but Abyss whips him into the steps. Abyss piles weapons in the ring, including a cheese grater. Abyss props a chair in the turnbuckles, leaving him vulnerable to trash can shots. Jeff hits his drop-kick combination for a 2 count. Twist of Fate by Jeff and the Whisper of the Wind! Jeff leaps off the chair for a dive, but Abyss side steps to send him crashing through the table. Abyss brings in the bag containing THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF THUMB TACKS!!!!!~ Jeff counters with a Testicular Claw, but Abyss side steps to drive him into the propped chair. Abyss fetches Janice and prepares to murder Jeff once and for all. Abyss misses a swing and gets Janice caught in the turnbuckle padding. Jeff delivers another Twist of Fate and sets up a Swanton, but the Revolution runs in for the gang assault. Matt Hardy runs in with a kendo stick for the save until James Storm puts him down with a trash can. Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards run in to even the odds, clearing the ring for stereo suicide dives. Meanwhile, Abyss covers the canvas with the THOUSANDS of thumb tacks. As per usual, Abyss is the one who takes the bump onto the tacks when Jeff nails a sunset flip power bomb! Jeff finishes Abyss with a Swanton on the tacks at 10:08. This falls into the “entertaining crap” category for guilty pleasures, **½.
Winner: Jeff Hardy

-The cameras spot MVP rallying the BDC troops for Lethal Lockdown next week.

-Another interview with the Hardy Boyz. They’re full of adrenaline over what just happened and seem ready to face the Revolution for the tag titles.

-Austin Aries is asked if he thinks Bobby Lashley did him any favors tonight. Aries appreciates the respect showed to him by receiving a non Feast or Fired title shot, but teases that he might cash in if he loses.

-Rockstar Spud and Mark Andrews come to the ring, expecting to face Tyrus and Ethan Carter III. Before the match, EC3 ducks out of the competition, giving the spot to the Bro-mans.

Mark Andrews and Rockstar Spud vs. The Bro-mans (Robbie E and Jesse Godderz) with DJ Z and Angelina Love

DJ Z plays the role of Velvet Sky for Angelina Love on the apron, but they get cut off by the action. Jesse arrogantly hits a delayed press slam on Andrews. The Bro-mans put Andrews down with a double face buster. It sounds like the announcers are saying “Mandrews” so I guess I missed the name change memo. Spud gets a ridiculous hot tag at the 2 minute mark and cleans house, including the second use of the testicular claw of the evening. Spud puts Robbie down with Sliced Bread #2, setting him up for Andrew’s Shooting Star Press for the win at 2:52. So much for Robbie’s push. Short and silly match here.
Winners: Rockstar Spud and Mark Andrews

-Spud and “Mandrews” don’t have a chance to celebrate as EC3 and Tyrus beat them down. Carter suggests they have a handicap match in the Six Sides of Steel.

-After a break, Spud is ranting and raving about what EC3 has said and done to him. Spud insists that he’s not a loser and swears to do something about it.

TNA World Championship:
Bobby Lashley © vs. Austin Aries vs. MVP vs. Bobby Roode

MVP flees the ring when he realizes he’s about to be triple teamed. MVP gets cornered back into the ring, where he’s ganged up on. Roode picks his spot to throw drop-kicks on Aries and MVP, so he can square off against Lashley. Roode gets the upper hand, but has to fight off Aries with a drop-kick. Roode fends MVP off with a spinebuster. They cut to a commercial. After the break, Aries and Roode are duking it out. Aries shoves Roode into a Lashley Jackhammer. Lashley counters Aries’ Brainbuster but gets dumped to ringside for an Aries dive. MVP knocks Aries off the apron and puts the boots to Roode. MVP goes on a hot streak, complete with the Ballin’ elbow drop. Aries breaks MVP’s cover and applies the Last Chancery, but Lashley breaks it and nails a Dominator. Aries bounces back with a dive to ringside on MVP. Meanwhile, Roode traps MVP in a crossface, but Lashley breaks it. Roode puts Lashley and MVP down with the power bomb/superplex spot, but Eric Young shows up just in time to cost him the win. Meanwhile, Aries leaps over Lashley’s spear and locks on the Last Chancery. MVP breaks the hold, but Aries nails a discus forearm. Aries goes for a dive, but Lashley surprises with a spear for the win at 9:54 (shown). Good spot-fest that advanced some storylines in the process, ***.
Winner and still TNA World Champion: Bobby Lashley

-The BDC, not happy with the match outcome, swarm the ring and attack Lashley. MVP poses with the TNA title, but Kurt Angle and Gunner run in for the save.

Final Thoughts: The production values are complete garbage right now, but this was a start to finish entertaining show that set the stage for a big Lockdown special next week. A rare instance of TNA building some momentum. Thumbs up.

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