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GCW: sPring Break - fka JJSB5
by Samoa Rowe
April 9, 2021
From the Cuban Club (parking lot) in Ybor City, Florida, as part of The Collective. Our hosts are Emil Jay and Kevin Gill.
Starboy Charlie vs. Billie Starkz
Charlie recently turned 18, and I think Starkz is only 16 or 17, so they're redefining what it means to be a rookie. They lock up and Starkz works a front chancery, which Charlie reverses into a half nelson. They trade hammerlocks and Starkz sends Charlie through the ropes for a bumpy landing. Starkz grins while holding the ropes for Charlie's return and they trade nearfalls. Charlie wrenches the arm and hits a back suplex for 2. Glancing dropkick by Charlie and standing SSP. Charlie hits the first two of three Amigos, and Starkz answers with rolling Germans. Charlie handstands on the top rope but Starkz counters with an overhead suplex for 2. Charlie hits just about every move he knows but can't put Starkz away. They trade enziguris and some fans give them a standing ovation. Charlie suplexes Starkz into a tree of woe and hits a shotgun dropkick. Starkz blocks a 450 splash but then misses a Swanton Bomb. Starkz shoves her fist into Charlie's face, but he retaliates with a stuffed powerbomb and wins at 10:01. Charming dark match level outing here between two kids with bright futures, **.
Winner: Starboy Charlie
Charlie and Starkz make nice after the bell, but they're joined by 44OH!. The fans welcome them with "F*ck Ohio!" chants and they beat down the younglings.
44OH! (Eric Ryan and Bobby Beverly) vs. Ironbeast (KTB and Shane Mercer)
Ironbeast immediately hit a flying blockbuster/double electric chair slam combo! They're not likely to top that spot, but they continue brawling at ringside. Ironbeast work together to hit dead lift powerbombs and suplexes from the floor into the ring. Ironbeast set some doors up in opposite corners. 44OH! fight back and are nice enough to hit double team moves that do not involve the doors. They fail to break the doors and KTOB powerbombs Ryan through a door in proper fashion. KTB hits a wild dive through the ropes. Mercer hits a ridiculous Gorilla Press moonsault from the top rope! Ironbeast wins via tandem German suplex at 5:54. Total squash that provided some surprises along the way, **.
David Penzer lets Emil Jay play guest ring announcer.
Gringo Loco, Arez, and Black Taurus vs. Aramis, Dragon Bane, and Laredo Kid
Laredo Kid shows off his flippy bag of tricks at Gringo's expense. Outclassed, Gringo flips the bird and makes a tag, prompting the match to breakdown. Laredo Kid knocks Arez off Taurus' shoulders with a dive, and Aramis and Bane follow up with stereo dives. Laredo Kid's team attempt triple stereo 450 dives, but the timing is a bit off. Arez fights back with tilt-a-whirl backbreakers and a double legged backbreaker. Arez sits up to block Aramis' rana, but gets thrown into the buckles. Arez gets absolutely swarmed in a 3 on 1 situation. Laredo Kid gets swarmed as well, Taurus spins him with a spear and Gringo hits a moonsault for 2. Dragon Bane makes a one man comeback and hits Taurus with a spinning DDT. Taurus comes back with clubbing offense. Laredo Kid's team hit triple top rope dives to ringside, sparking "GCW" chants. Everyone takes their turn hitting their spots without making tags, and Gringo hits Aramis with a super Falcon Arrow. Laredo punishes Gringo with second rope moonsaults, but Arez cuts him off with a double stomp dropkick. Arez drops Laredo on his neck with a backbreaker (yes, that's what it was) but the ring fills with bodies again. Laredo hits a tightrope poison rana! Gringo ambushes Laredo Kid with a cutter, and Bane hits Taurus with a poison rana. Aramis hits Arez with GTS. Arez hits Laredo with a cutter off of a triple stacked Electric Chair. About a thousand high spots happen in the next 45 seconds, and that's being conservative. Aramis spends the last minute of the match delivering an airplane spin Falcon Arrow while bodies fly around him and gains the pinfall at 13:44. Amazing Lucha-infused spotfest, even if I couldn't always remember who was on whose team, ****.
Winners: Aramis, Dragon Bane, and Laredo Kid
Jordan Oliver listens to some voicemail from Joey Janela while considering to watch a VHS tape marked "Do not watch." Oliver watches the tape and sees highlights of Lio Rush doing terrible things to other people. The lights go red and someone passes a note under the door, putting him on notice that on 4.19.21, Rush will "Paint it black." Tremendous cinematic video package, especially coming from an indie company.
Jordan Oliver vs. Blackheart Lio Rush
Oliver has some fresh wind in his sails from winning the Acid Cup. Rush gets a super cool atmospheric entrance with black and white pictures and a dancer. Rush seems to have totally lost his mind and lures Oliver in with a test of strength, only to cheap shot. Oliver answers with a slick suicide dive cutter, but destroys his own back in the process. Oliver does a lap around the ring and runs into Rush' knee lift. Rush does a lap as well and nails a running cannonball through a seated Oliver. Rush looks to be in a trance as he takes control of the action and brings in a door. Oliver puts Rush through the door with a release belly to belly suplex. Oliver sets up a new door, but Rush cuts him off with rolling German suplexes. Rush sends Oliver through the door with an exploder suplex. Oliver hits a pair of superkicks, but Rush hits a standing Spanish Fly for 2. They tease a superplex to ringside and both tumble down. They crawl back to avoid a double countout and Oliver hits a Tiger Driver for 2. Rush amusingly sells his pain by contorting around the ring while Oliver bridges doors onto chairs on the floor. After all that setup, Oliver tries to win with a rolling forearm. Rush surprises with rolling Germans. Oliver rolls through the last suplex and hits a release German of his own. Oliver misses a big boot and Rush puts him through the bridged doors with a messy slam off the apron! Rush takes his time diving off the top rope, only for Oliver to counter with a cutter in mid-air and plant Rush for a great nearfall. Oliver follows with a springboard cutter onto the apron. Rush kicks out at 2 but looks frozen in a slumped position. Oliver looks for a top rope neckbreaker, but Rush blocks and hits a big time frog splash, and follows with the Black Hook to win at 22:39! This was a deliberately paced epic that makes Rush look like the most dangerous man on the planet, ****¼.
Winner: Lio Rush
We are treated to a lengthy video package highlighting the multi-years long rivalry between Masada and Atticus Cogar. This also gives the ring crew time to fill the ring with demented weapons, including beds of skewers in the buckles.
Atticus Cogar vs. Masada
Cogar ambushes before the bell and drives Masada into a plank of skewers. Masada blocks a suicide dive and smashes a door over Cogar's head. Cogar fights back with a kendo stick, but Masada smashes a board covered in toothpicks through his back. Cogar looks like he's suffered a run-in with a porcupine. Masada is annoyed by the ref removing the picks from Cogar's back and goes to work with a green kendo stick. Cogar absorbs a backbreaker and then dropkicks Masada into a board of skewers. He sticks a handful of skewers into Masada's skull. This is so gross. Cogar swings a board of toothpicks and then leans a door against the ring frame, but Masada answers with a wild suplex onto some empty chairs. Cogar bridges a door and stabs the arm with skewers. Masada stabs the forehead with short skewers, and it's a little depressing how unimpressed the fans appear to be. Masada powerbombs Cogar through the door. Masada shoves the skewers into Cogar's face and stomps him into the canvas. The fans don't seem to care one bit. Powerbomb by Masada, followed by an STF, but Cogar frees himself with a kendo stick. Flying double stomp by Cogar gets 2. Cogar follows with a headlock driver off the buckles and through a chair. Cogar fetches a razor board, but Masada reverses and hits a suplex for 2. Cogar comes back with a headlock driver through a skull of skewers for another nearfall. There's literally one guy
chanting "This is awesome." Cogar superkicks more skewers into Masada's skull and hits final headlock driver to win at 18:45. How this managed to be so incredibly disturbing and dreadfully boring all at once is baffling, *.
Winner: Atticus Cogar
Impact World Champion Rich Swann vs. Lee Moriarty
They trade headlocks and arm drags. They reach a stalemate to some polite applause. They block each other's head scissor takedowns with cartwheels. They run the ropes and Swann flips into a dropkick. Moriarty hits double knees to the arm and goes to work on the newly injured limb. Swann rolls into a slick DDT and tries to revive his bad arm. Swinging neckbreaker by Swann and Rolling Thunder for 2. Moriarty answers with a flying double stomp to the arm and then an arm wrench takedown for a good nearfall. Swann's facial expressions convey agony. Moriarty hits a Blue Thunder Bomb for 2. Swann guts out a back handspring cutter and frog splash for 2. They trade forearms, though Moriarty switches the format by targeting the arm with his forearm smashes. They both go down after stereo pump kicks. They trade quick pinning predicaments until Moriarty locks on an armbar. Swann gets the ropes, so Moriarty hits a lariat for 2. They head to the top rope and Swann bites Moriarty's bandaged ribs to knock him down for a 450 splash and victory at 12:15. Good match, but probably just a sample of what they could do together, as both guys looked worn out from a busy weekend, ***.
Winner: Rich Swann
Chris Dickinson verbally tears Joey Janela a new one. This ain't Wednesday night, so he'd better get ready to die. Chris loves him though.
Chris Dickinson vs. Joey Janela
They brawl at the opening bell and Dickinson scores a pair of jackknife powerbombs. Dickinson breaks a door over Joey and drives a jagged piece into his face. Joey is busted open and takes an unprotected door shot to the forehead. Dickinson hits a door-assisted dropkick and nails a half nelson suplex. Janela counters with a desperation superplex. Janela hits a release German, but Dickinson pops up for rolling Germans. Janela sprints into a roaring elbow. Dickinson answers with a tornado enziguri and German suplex for 2. Dickinson asks for some chairs, which results in fans throwing about 2 dozen chairs into the ring. Janela counters into a DDT, but Dickinson rises for a decapitation lariat. Janela counters with a super brainbuster onto the chairs! Joey gets a rest before hitting a tope suicida. Dickinson is busted open and eats a chair assisted flying double stomp for 2. Joey hits an unprotected chair shot to the head and Dickinson asks for another, but lunges into a low blow and fireman's carry. Joey wins a slugfest and hits a DVD for 2. Dickinson mechanically comes back with a second rope Razor's Edge. Dickinson sets up a tall ladder and bridges a door on some chairs. They fight up the ladder and Dickinson hits a DVD through the door! Joey kicks out! Dickinson sells a fresh knee injury, but catches Janela with a pair of dragon screws. Joey's small package gets 2, so he applies a Figure Four! Dickinson taps out at 21:59! Joey's emotional victory and big stunt bump overshadow what was otherwise a pretty standard brawl with arbitrary nearfalls, ***.
Winner: Joey Janela
Joey offers a handshake, but Dickinson spits on his hand and leaves.
Gregory Iron (with Virgil) vs. Effy
Iron puts Virgil over as a Spring Break legend and welcomes him to 44OH! Effy is putting his Big Gay Brunch special on the line against Iron. Virgil tries to start something with Effy before the bell, allowing Iron to ambush with chair shots. Effy has a hard time coming back due to continuous distractions from Virgil. Effy hits a pump kick into a heel hook takedown. Iron absorbs a series of clotheslines and hits a modified codebreaker. Effy pulls down Iron's trunks on a sunset flip and suplexes him with his bare @ss on display. Effy's DDT gets 2, so he chops Iron's exposed rumpus. Virgil distracts again, allowing Iron to hit a low blow. Virgil accidentally punches out Iron, but then allows Effy to cut off his 44OH! T-shirt, revealing a "Wrestling is Gay!" shirt underneath! Crowd chants "Virgil!" while Effy finishes Iron with a powerbomb and leaves him slumped with his bare butt on display. Just a silly intermission of sorts from the super serious violence, *½.
The ring crew sets up a literal hellscape of plunder. I'm talking a conveniently placed scaffold near the ring, wall-to-wall light tubes, barbed wire planks, etc.
GCW World Championship (Death Match):
Rickey Shane Page © vs. Nick Gage
Gage can't wait for ring introductions to end and immediately starts smashing light tubes over RSP. Gage absorbs an Irish whip into a wall of tubes and nails a lariat. He boots more tubes into RSP's face. Gage puts RSP through a barbed wire plank with a back senton. Fans are allowed to hold chairs for Gage to smash Page into. RSP retaliates with light tubes and slices up Gage's forehead. Gage reverses a whip through a glass pane. The fight gets even uglier as they trade weapon shots in the ring. RSP backdrops Gage over the ropes and through a glass table! Page can't get the pinfall, so he suplexes Gage through a table of light tubes. RSP accidentally punches glass into the ref's face, and Gage rallies and tries to carve "MDK" into Page's back. RSP escapes up the scaffolding. Gregory Iron runs in and gets put down by Gage's piledriver in the broken glass. Effy runs in to remove Iron, but Eric Ryan and Bobby Beverly arrive to put the boots to Gage. The 44OH! henchmen set up a huge bundle of light tubes onto a table. Joey Janela, Matthew Justice, and Mance Warner clear the ring of 44OH! Gage climbs the scaffold and throws RSP off and onto the light tube table (it doesn't break). Gage slams the remains of the tube bundle through Page. Gage resumes carving MDK on the back, but RSP answers with a chokeslam backbreaker! The ref takes a bump, and RSP sits down to pout. Atticus Cogar arrives and helps Page set a glass sheet onto some chairs. Cogar gives Gage the skewers treatment, and helps Page set up a second story of glass. Brent Lauderdale runs into take Cogar out with light tubes. Gage hits a messy super piledriver through the double decker glass structure, and hits one last chokeslam backbreaker to win the title at 24:40! It's hard to fault the effort and passion of these guys, but this was mostly gross and silly. Your mileage may vary, **½.
Winner and new GCW World Champion: Nick Gage
Gage's championship celebration is interrupted by unfamiliar music and, hold on, it's JON MOXLEY! The fans chant "holy sh!t" as Moxley stares down Gage and then bumps foreheads. Moxley turns to leave, but Gage flips him the bird and suggests he should fornicate himself. Paradigm Shift on Gage! Moxley hits one more Paradigm Shift onto a light tube for old time's sake. Mox takes off, leaving Gage to talk some trash about him being a punk b!tch who left for 10 years. Gage puts the fans over for supporting him, even though they were all just cheering when Moxley beat him up. Gage promises to defend the GCW title against Mox for his family, in a real death match.
Final Thoughts: Spring Break was quite the buffet with something for everybody, albeit the stuff that isn't for you might really turn your stomach. Recommended, if you know what you're getting into. The Moxley surprise did a lot to lighten my mood at the end.
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