GCW: Rather You Than Me- May 3, 2024
by Doc Allen
Live from the Egypt Shrine Center in Tampa, Florida. Attendance looks good, probably in the 200 range. Dave Prazak and Kevin Gil are on commentary.
Emil Jay hosts Matt Cardona (with Broski Jimmy) in the ring. The Death Match King is recovering from surgery and is wearing a sling. Fans chant "shut the f*ck up" before Cardona can say anything. He recently suffered a career-threatening, wait, a LIFE-THREATENING injury, and the dumb marks in the building can't understand because they don't know what a pectoral muscle is. Cardona wanted to main event Homecoming but instead he'll be stuck in catering. Doctors told him he'll be out indefinitely and that he'll never wrestle in GCW again. Cardona claims to love the "GCW Universe" and since he has an iron clad contract with creative control, he's sticking around. He's invoking his creative control and declares himself to be the new General Manager of GCW. First order of business is setting up a squash match for Jimmy.
"Squash Match:"
Broski Jimmy (with Matt Cardona) vs. Megan Bayne
Cardona also serves as ring announcer and has to ask Jimmy where he's from. Jimmy ambushes, but Bayne fires back a big boot. Bayne actually has a slight height advantage over Jimmy and nails a suplex. Jimmy tries to hide behind the ref, but Bayne lifts the official out of the way. Jimmy uses the distraction to take control. Bayne blocks the Broski boot and nails a high elevation German suplex. Spear by Bayne gets 2. Jimmy hits the Broski boot, but runs into Bayne's lariat. Jimmy rakes the eyes and hits Radio Silence for only 2. Jimmy fetches a chair and bounces it on the ropes into his face. Bayne powerbombs Jimmy through a chair for only 2! Tombstone piledriver by Bayne finishes it at 6:04. Lively short match, Jimmy is probably in Cardona's dog house now, **.Winner: Megan Bayne
Eli Knight vs. Mr. Danger
They lock up. My 7 year old daughter has wandered into the room, so hopefully they don't do anything too violent. They reach a stalemate and bump foreheads. They quicken the pace until Knight hits a shotgun dropkick. Mr. Danger answers with a flying head scissors. Knight takes away Mr. Danger's chair for a chairshot. Mr. Danger counters into a Van Daminator for 2. Knight hits a moonsault over the ringpost to outside! Fisherman buster by Knight gets 2. Mr. Danger dodges a moonsault and rallies with a wheelbarrow German suplex. Split legged moonsault by Mr. Danger, then a soaring plancha to outside. Mr. Danger might have knocked himself loopy but then manages a Swanton Bomb for 2. They botch an elaborate spot, Knight saves face with a standing moonsault. Mr. Danger dodges another moonsault and hits a flying Canadian Destroyer. Phoenix Splash by Mr. Danger ends it at 8:39. Sloppy, wreckless, and overly reliant on moonsaults, **.Winner: Mr. Danger
Gahbage Starkz Brand (Alec Price, ROH Women's TV Champion Billie Starkz, and Cole Radrick) vs. Los Desperados (Arez, Jack Cartwheel, and Gringo Loco)
Billie mixes it up with Arez. Cartwheel provides an assist, they press slam Starkz into Gringo's Ace Crusher. Cartwheel cartwheels around until Radrick catches him in some sort of five finger death punch. Arez kicks Radrick into Jack's handstand leg sweep. Los Desperados hoist Radrick for Jack's slingshot splash. Hot tag to Price, who runs wild with fast aerial offense. Price springboards into double superkicks, and gets slingshot into Gringo's Liger Bomb. Los Desperados deliver consecutive dives. Cartwheel hits a SSP, but Radrock and Price are ready with driveby attacks. Jack suffers triple high flying attacks, but Los Desperados break the pin. GSB answers with triple superkicks, but Arez hits a one foot springboard cutter. Match totally breaks down with everyone hitting finishers. Jack takes an electric chair double stomp to the throat and gets pinned at 9:20. Fun spotfest, adding the right kind of energy to the card, ***.Winners: Gahbage Starkz Brand
Jordan Oliver vs. Timothy Thatcher
Oliver immediately removes Thatcher with a running big boot. Thatcher carefully returns to attack the leg, Oliver counters into a Boston Crab. Thatcher escapes by thumbing the eyes, and they trade submission counters until Thatcher grabs a tight armbreaker. Oliver survives and hits a running boot and monkey flip. They hit the canvas, Thatcher unleashes MMA elbow shots to the head and wrenches in a tight half crab. Oliver survives, but Thatcher is ready with stiff uppercuts. Oliver escapes a chinlock and delivers a sunset flip, small package, and DDT. Ax Kick by Jordan gets 2. Jordan springboards into Thatcher's uppercut but fights off an armbar. Rana by Oliver, then a flying cutter to win at 11:30. This had its moments. I didn't get the sense that they were on the same wavelength, and the finish came out of nowhere, **¼.Winner: Jordan Oliver
Zilla Fatu vs. John Wayne Murdoch
They take their time locking up, Fatu dominates the early going. Bubba Bomb by Fatu, followed by a slick elbow drop. Zilla hits the ropes and gets tied up, but saves face by knocking JWM into the ring post. Murdoch grabs a door, but Fatu lawn darts him into a propped chair. Fatu builds a door bridge, but puts himself through it when Murdoch ducks his flying crossbody. Murdoch hits a Flatliner and hauls another door into the ring. Murdoch foolishly tries a Samoan spike and injures himself, but then sidesteps Fatu's charge to send him through the door. Fatu pops up, hits a suplex, and smashes the broken door over JWM's spine. Flying splash by Fatu gets the pin at 9:49. That was a generous job by Murdoch. Fatu is super-green but has obvious star potential, **.Winner: Zilla Fatu
Poor sport Murdoch attacks Zilla with the broken door. Fatu blocks a chairshot and nails the Samoan spike. He got the pin and gets to stand tall, not a bad night for the rookie.
Alex Zayne vs. Microman
In case you didn't know, Microman is like 3 feet tall, hence the name. The fans love him. Zayne gets down on one knee for a handshake. He gets down on both knees for a lockup, which seems like a sincere gesture, but the fans boo him. Zayne tries to be nice, giving Microman a clean break in the corner, but still gets booed. Microman delivers an armdrag, earning a "Micro" chant. Microman reverses a wristlock, but Zayne chops him down. Suplex by Zayne gets 2, he didn't hook the leg. Zayne embraces his dark side and tampers with Microman's mask. Microman counters a suplex and hits a "big" splash for 2. Zayne answers with a falling elbow shot to the face. Flipping powerslam by Zayne also gets 2. Microman makes a comeback and hits a bulldog for a late 2 count. Microman grabs the leg for a clever overhead suplex. Tiger Fade Kick by Microman, but he misses the Vader Bomb. Zayne throws Microman into the bottom turnbuckle but misses a 450 splash. Microman delivers a victory roll to win at 8:53! The fans are delighted. Entertaining little novelty match, **.Winner: Microman
Parrow storms in to boot Microman in the face and chokes him with a chain. In case you didn't know, Parrow is much taller than 3 feet. Fans chant "F*ck you, Parrow" as he sets up a door and swings Microman by the feet. Nick Gage arrives on the scene to brawl with Parrow. DDT by Gage, setting Parrow up to get speared through the door by Microman. This warms the heart.
GCW Tag Team Championship:
Violence is Forever © (Kevin Ku and Dominic Garrini) vs. Bob n' Go (Bobby Flaco and Aerial Van Go) vs. Hunt and Rico (Hunter Drake and Rico Gonzalez) vs. Mane Event (Jay Lyon and Midas Black)
Everyone gangs up on the champs to start. Hunt and Rico hit stereo springboard arm drags and superkicks. Mane Event do-si-do into stereo clotheslines and swarm Drake with tandem offense. Lyon dives through a hoop to ringside. Bob n' Go take their turn clearing the ring, but Hunt and Rico catch them off guard with stereo moonsaults. Black reverses a super rana into an avalanche Liger Bomb. Lyon hits an airplane spin slam. Mane Event swarm Drake with a mean piledriver and flying elbow, Flaco breaks the pin. Van Go hits a 630 splash, Garrini breaks the pin. We've hardly seen the champions thus far. Drake perches on Flaco's back for a leaping powerbomb while Rico soars in for a double stomp on Flaco! Garrini hits an avalanche Muscle Buster, Ku hits a super brainbuster. Mane Event try to catch ViF while they're distracted, but the champs hit Chasing the Dragon. Van Go cartwheels around until he hits ViF with double boots. ViF answer by a double stomp/Air Raid crash combo. Flaco takes on the champs by himself, but they give him a back drop piledriver and win at 7:40. Cool little spotfest. There was absolutely no doubt what the outcome would be, this was basically the champs taking a long break while the other six guys tried to make names for themselves, **½.Winners and still GCW Tag Team Champions: Violence is Forever
Miyu Yamashita vs. Joey Janela
They start with tentative chain wrestling. Handshake leads to more physical exchange. Joey begins targeting the knee with uppercuts and atomic drops onto the ring frame and some seating. Janela charges to knock Miyo through the front row. Janela grabs the hair to deliver a vertical suplex, and applies a knee bar. Miya comes back with a running clothesline and a penalty kick. She hobbles just enough to let me know she hasn't forgotten about her damaged leg. Miyu springboards into Janela's DVD for a nearfall. Dragon suplex by Joey, Miyu decidedly stands right up. They slug it out and then exchange KO blows until both hit the canvas. Janela scores next with a DVD onto the ring frame. Miyu answers with the AA for 2. Joey reverses into a single crab onto her injured knee. Miyu's rope break gets under Joey's skin so he hits a superplex, but Miyu holds on for a vertical suplex. Miyu absorbs a snap German suplex and hits one of her own for 2. Dragon screw by Joey, Miyu can't pop up so she flips the bird. Joey superkicks the face and nails a package piledriver to win at 15:25. I liked the story thread of Miyu continually absorbing various suplexes until her knee injury became too much. Good stuff, ***¼.Winner: Joey Janela
Last Man Standing:
Effy vs. Mance Warner
Crowd is firmly on Effy's side. Warner pulls a screwdriver from his boot and lunges at the forehead. Less than a minute in, Effy is a bloody mess and already in danger of staying down. Mance fills the ring with typical hardcore match plunder and retrieves the ring bell and hammer. Effy takes some weapon shots but blocks a bell shot with a spear. Effy unloads chair shots, injures Mance's arm, and delivers running boots into the buckles. Effy hits Over the Rainbow into a standing chair. Blockbuster by Effy, then a series of door smashes. Effy puts Mance into a trash can and drums him around with crutches. Effy leaps over a chair to spear Mance through the door. Mance beats the count, so Effy smashes the bell and hammer over his head. Mance bleeds all over the place while Effy relentlessly continues weapon shots. Mance botches a press slam when Effy's bloody body slips through his fingers, and Effy takes a hideous landing beside a tray of chairs. Effy digs deep to hit a Radio Silence. Effy finds a second screwdriver in Mance's boot and gleefully bludgeons the forehead. Effy brings in a gas can, struggles to open it, but ultimately douses Mance. Effy pulls a lighter from his trunks, but gets restrained by officials. Warner slips away while fans chant "bull$shit." The match just kind of ends at 21:36. They wasted a perfectly good bloodbath on a non-finish, ***.No Contest
GCW World Championship:
Blake Christian © (with Missy Hyatt) vs. Danhausen
Danhausen seems to be sporting an injured back coming into this. Blake attacks the spine and takes time to jaw at the front row fans. Danhausen scores some shoulder blocks, Blake kips up until finally getting twisted around. Danhausen delivers a series of strikes to crowd approval. Missy grabs Danhausen's leg, allowing Blake to hit a spear. Danhausen hits a chinbreaker, but Blake hits a knee strike to the skull to retain control. Desperation suplex by Danhausen gives him an opening for a comeback. German suplex by Danhausen, but he's too work out to make a cover. Blake seizes the opportunity to retake control but misses a 450 splash. Danhausen counters into an overhead suplex and then a GTS, but Blake rolls to ringside. Danhausen hauls him back for a cover, but Blake gets a lazy rope break. Danhausen grabs the jar of teeth, but Blake hits a rolling DVD and a springboard 450 splash for only 2. Danhausen digs deep for one more comeback, hits a German suplex, and pours teeth into Blake's mouth for a big boot. Blake counters another GTS into a suplex, Missy passes in a loaded Gucci bag, but Danhausen uses it himself. Danhausen makes the cover… AND WINS at 13:26! The previously quiet crowd, absolutely sure that Blake was going over, EXPLODES into an ovation and "holy $hit" chant. GM Matt Cardona shows up and refuses for there to be a Tampa Screwjob on his first night on the job. The match is restarted, Blake knocks Danhausen out with the loaded Gucci bag and wins at 13:26. Well, that sucks. I was ready to buy Danhausen as a wacky transitional champion. The match itself was fine, but the fans weren't all that invested until the fake title change. This card needed a hot main event and this wasn't it, **½.Winner and still GCW World Champion: Blake Christian
Final Thoughts: There was absolutely nothing worth going out of your way to see here. Lots of sports entertainment shenanigans and middle chapters of longer angles. Easy pass.
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