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GCW Holiday Special- December 21, 2023
by Doc Allen
Live from the Knights of Columbus in Ridgefield Park, New Jersey. There’s about 150 people in the room chanting "Ho ho ho!" The ring ropes are decorated in garland, the posts are decorated with Christmas lights. I think this is going to be a fun night. Our hosts are Dave Prazak and Veda Scott.
Azrieal vs. Gringo Loco
Sadly, Azrieal is on the Naughty List, and proves it by flipping the bird in Loco’s face. Azrieal overshoots a tope and lands in the second row. Fans chant "you still suck." Azrieal quickly recovers and nails a neckbreaker. Loco answers with a vertical suplex. Tiger Fade Kick by Azrieal, followed by a senton for 1. Loco escapes a chinlock and delivers a back handspring elbow. Inverted DDT by Loco gets 2. Azrieal scores some heatless nearfalls and botches a sunset flip bomb. Frog splash by Azrieal gets a 2 count, fans chant "that was 3!" They trade chops on the second rope until Loco nails a nifty Spanish Fly for a decent nearfall. More sarcastic "that was 3" chants. Loco’s twisting senton misses, so Azrieal hits a tornado DDT. Loco surprises with an avalanche sitout powerbomb to finish it at 10:02. That was the most bad-@ss finish I’ve ever seen for an otherwise bad match, *¼.
Winner: Gringo Loco
1 Called Manders vs. Masha Slamovich
This is a "Nice vs. Nice" match, they know that Santa is watching. They trade shoves anyway, Masha unleashes a flurry of forearms. Manders chops Masha down, but she kips up to continue her attack. Masha dives into Manders’ arms and takes a slam onto the ring frame. Manders turns Naughty and chops the throat. If this were a TV show, we’d be at the commercial break, Manders picks Masha apart. Masha mounts a desperate comeback, nailing a missile dropkick. Masha delivers a flurry of fancy kicks, but Masha hyperextends her leg in the rope for an easy elbow drop. Masha surprises Manders with a dive and hits a lariat for 2. Manders answers with a Doctor Bomb for 2. Roundhouse kick by Masha, but Manders reverses a Brainbuster. Masha barely manages a superplex and then leaps into a Destroyer. Manders blocks a Shining Wizard with a decapitation lariat. Masha hits another flurry of strikes, but Manders knocks her out of a sleeper. Another lariat by Manders only gets 2! Buzzsaw kick by Masha and a Michinoku Driver for the win at 10:34! Match was fun, although not terribly well executed, **½.
Winner: Masha Slamovich
Manders raises Masha’s arm and earns his way back onto the Nice List.
JCW World Championship:
Jordan Oliver © vs. Brayden Toon
Toon is 20 years old, which means he was born in 2003. Feel old yet? Anyways, Oliver enjoys a hot start, taking the rookie to school. Toon survives long enough to slam Oliver onto the ring frame. Toon hits a tope and they both lightly tumble onto a chair. Oliver wins a chopfest, but Toon reverses an Irish whip into the festive ring post. Toon hits a messy but effective standing SSP on the hardwood floor. Oliver shakes off the cobwebs and delivers a superplex. Oliver hits a devastating clothesline, leaping stunner, and scoop slam for only 2. Toon returns fire and nails an Air Raid Crash for a nearfall. Toon absorbs some chops and hits a tight superkick. Oliver counters a powerbomb and hits his own superkick. Oliver tries a springboard cutter, but Toon superkicks his spine. Powerbomb by Toon and a running knee to the head, but Oliver kicks out! Toon hits blistering chops, but Oliver answers with running boots. Poison rana by Olvier gets another 2 count. Toon pushes Oliver off the top rope but dives into a Cloud Cutter! A second Cloud Cutter ends Toon at 14:35. Really good showing from Toon, who displayed nice chemistry with the more seasoned Oliver. They did well to tease an upset and make Oliver’s win seem impressive, ***.
Winner and still JCW Champion: Jordan Oliver
Oliver gets ambushed by his old buddy, Griffin McCoy. Charlie Tiger runs in to save Oliver from a Pillmanizer.
Mike Santana vs. Alec Price
Santana is on the Naughty List, but the fans like him anyway. Price uses about a half dozen kip ups to escape a wristlock. Santana grabs a headlock, Price escapes for an ineffective facepalm. Head scissors takedown by Santana, Price answers with a springboard crossbody. They block each other’s dives until Price hits a soaring crossbody. Asai moonsault by Santana! Price tries a rana but Santana slams him onto the apron for a dropkick. Backbreaker by Santana, followed by the 3 Amigos. Price recovers for a snap suplex for 2. Santana answers with a cutter for a routine nearfall. Price rallies and nails a flying leg lariat. Blockbuster by Price only gets 2. Fans give them dueling chants. They exchange kicks, Price nails a rebound lariat. Santana dodges another blockbuster and hits a lariat for a close 2. Buckle bomb by Santana and then a cannonball. Torture Rack powerbomb ends Price at 12:04. Not much meat to this one, just a bunch of moves, albeit some very cool moves, **½.
Winner: Mike Santana
If Santa is checking his list twice, he should know that Santana belongs on the Nice List, as he shows Price some respect and high fives the fans.
Jeffrey John and Bobby Flaco vs. Charles Mason and Richard Holliday (with Parrow)
Mason is dressed as if he’s attending a corporate holiday party and cuts a douchey promo and tells a young fan that Santa isn’t real. Fans chant "Santa’s real." John, sporting a super cool Bob’s Burgers ugly sweater, reluctantly starts against Mason. Mason rips the sweater and chokes John with it. Quick tag to Holliday, who stomps a Santa hat into John’s face. Holliday hip tosses Flaco into the ring for Mason to abuse. John finally makes a hot tag and Flaco flies in with a double flying dropkick. Holliday quickly cuts him off and powerbombs Flaco onto John. Mason pulls out a pair of plastic bags and orders Holliday to suffocate their opponents, but the jobbers save themselves with sunset flips. Holliday and Mason respond with stereo sleepers and piledrivers. Who cares who’s legal, Mason and Holliday win via cocky pins at 7:13. Just an extended, and somewhat long winded, squash match, *½.
Winners: Richard Holliday and Charles Mason
Parrow gives John and Flaco a double chokeslam for good measure. Mason orders Parrow to back off so he and Holliday can suffocate the jobbers with plastic bags. Holliday thanks Mason for waking him up to the man he’s supposed to be. Holliday is no pu$$y like the fans, so he’s going to live a rich and powerful life. This is bad news for the GCW locker room.
Marcus Mathers vs. Joey Janela
Janela was born on the Naughty List and it’s been all downhill from there. They start with some friendly grappling. They exchange taunts and Mathers hits a flurry of quick attacks. Northern Lights suplex by Mathers gets 2. Mathers flies into Janela’s uppercut. Mathers fights out of a body scissors but Janela maintains control. Mathers hits a desperation slam to gain enough space to hit a leaping chinbreaker and German suplex. High crossbody by Mathers gets 2. Sitout powerbomb by Mathers, then a DVD for 2. I’m not really feeling these nearfalls. Janela sets a door against the wall, but Mathers blocks a powerbomb. Mathers hits a cutter in the ring and dropkicks Janeal outside. Mathers flies onto Janela’s shoulders and gets driven through the door! Janela hauls Mathers back to the ring for a package piledriver for 2. Mathers blocks a second piledriver, and nails a flipping DDT for 2. Janela answers with a superplex, Mathers nearly steals a pinfall, and Janela blasts a superkick. Marcus counters into a vertical suplex, Janela hits a superkick and brainbuster. Mathers gets fired up and hits a Destroyer, but Janela pops up for a superkick. They both go down to fish for an ovation that doesn’t come. Mathers tries and fails to splash Janela through a bridged door. 450 splash by Mathers gets the first decent nearfall of the match. Janela drops Mathers headfirst onto the ring frame and powerbombs him through the door. I expect Mathers to kick out, but Janela scores the pinfall at 18:17. They tried hard, but I didn’t find this to be particularly interesting, and neither did the live crowd, **.
Winner: Joey Janela
A large masked man attacks Janela from behind. He unmasks and it’s AJ Francis, better known as Top Dolla in WWE. His 90 day no-compete clause is up so it’s time to prove that he’s better than Janela. He challenges Janela to a match and chokeslams him for good measure. Can’t say I ever expected to see Top Dolla in GCW, pro wrestling never fails to surprise me.
Broski Jimmy vs. Mike Bailey
Jimmy Lloyd cuts a promo about how he used to be a jabroni, but now he’s a broski, having sold out to Matt Cardona. Jimmy attacks Bailey from behind before the bell. Bailey answers with his ridiculous rapid kicks that I wish he’d stop doing. Bailey hits a rana off the apron. Bailey does a lap through the fans to gain enough speed to kick Jimmy over. Jimmy recovers and delivers a methodical beatdown. Missile dropkick by Bailey, followed by an ax kick and standing SSP for 2. Enziguri by Bailey, but Jimmy answers with a roundhouse kick. Broski Boot by Jimmy gets 2. Bailey reverses into a standing moonsault double knee drop. They slug it out, Jimmy inadvertently splashes the ref into the buckles. Jimmy delivers a calculated low blow and superkick. Leg lariat by Jimmy gets a nearfall. Canadian Destroyer by Jimmy sets up a tope. Jimmy smashes some Christmas presents over Bailey’s skull. Bailey blocks a tope with a box full of pinecones. Bailey throws a dog nightlight at Jimmy, distracting him for a double knee moonsault. Super rana by Bailey, but his SSP knee drop misses. Jimmy nails a driver for a good nearfall. Jimmy opens another present and spills holiday ornaments all over the ring. Jimmy scoop slams Bailey onto the bulbs, but Jimmy then misses a moonsault! Bailey hits the Flamingo Driver onto the ornaments to win at 13:13! This wasn’t doing much for me, but once the Christmas plunder came into play, it became rather delightful, **¾.
Winner: Mike Bailey
Jimmy disrespects Bailey afterwards, so you know there’ll be coal in his stocking. Don’t feel bad for Bailey though, he keeps the dog nightlight as a souvenir.
Replay of Mance Warner turning on Effy and beating him up with a chair. Emil Jay hosts Effy in the ring to discuss the incident. He’s the most consistent part of the GCW brand, so it’s no wonder that everyone wants to fight him. He dares Warner to step up to his face, m*therf*cker.
GCW World Championship:
Blake Christian © vs. Santa Claus
Finally, after hundreds of years of delivering gifts to children all over the world, Santa is finally getting the GCW title match that’s eluded him for so long. The ref is dressed like an elf, which isn’t fair, as it shows clear bias. Blake enters to "You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" and has a Grinch mask hanging around his groin. Santa only works one night a year, so if he wins the title, he’s going to be on the Roman Reigns schedule. Santa embraces the fans and gets a "Santa F’n Claus" chant. Bell rings, Santa invites Blake to sit on his lap. Santa shoves Blake down and flexes on him. Santa hits a shoulder block and nearly loses his hat. Santa easily escapes a waistlock and nails a shoulder tackle. Blake takes a timeout, so Santa enjoys a cookie. Blake stomps on a cookie, which only infuriates Old Saint Nick. Scissor kick by Santa gets 2. Blake rips off Santa’s beard and hat, revealing Big Vin. Santa recovers and tight rope walks all over the ring before hitting the shoulder smash. Blake smashes Santa’s leg with a chair and hits the Tiger Fade Kick to the injured knee. Fans chant "Let’s go, Santa" as Blake picks apart the leg. Fans annoy Blake by singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." The song works, as Santa ambushes Blake with a super rana, followed by a bulldog. Sitout Santa-bomb by Santa gets 2. Blake comes back with a Tiger Fade Kick to the head. Santa tries a backbreaker, but his knee gives out. Blake dropkicks Santa into the front row and hits a flying crossbody. Flying elbow by Blake gets 2. Desperation Falcon Arrow by Santa gets 2. Santa unwraps a giant present, and whadya know, it’s a door! Santa props the door on some chairs for a devastating chokeslam, but Blake kicks out! Santa slams Blake onto the buckles and kicks a chair into his face. Blake swings the chair into Santa’s battered knee. Springboard 450 splash by Blake gets 2. Santa desperately hits a fallaway slam into the ring, Blake gets a rope break. Blake blasts the knee with a chair yet again and delivers a Pillmanizer. Blake applies the Figure Four and swings the chair at his skull to pin him at 19:29. Well, that’s it, Christmas is canceled, folks. Luckily, we still have Kwanzaa. That finish was really cool and kind of wasted on a lighthearted comedy match. This was generally amusing, ***.
Winner and still GCW World Champion: Blake Christia
Nick Gage arrives to a big ovation and confronts Blake. Santa provides an assist, but Blake slips away from Gage’s choke breaker. It’s okay though, the babyface locker room joins Gage for a NSFW Christmas party.
Final Thoughts: This was a middling wrestling show that was loaded with holiday spirit. You can always count on GCW to provide unexpected charm at just the right time.
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