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AEW Dynamite
May 13, 2020

by Samoa Rowe

AEW Dynamite

From an empty Daily's Place in Jacksonville, Florida. Our hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Shiavone, and Excalibur.

Show kicks off with Lance Archer beating some poor backstage guy up on his way to the ring, with Jake Roberts in tow. Roberts says he's been asked to apologize for last week's antics, but Brandi will only get one after she's kissed his ass. He goes on to say that he and Archer run this place whether we like it or not. Also, women belong at home, cleaning and wiping baby butts, and may keep Jake warm when it's cold. He says Cody has no where else to hide, but he's interrupted by the sound of an engine revving. Cody arrives in an American Nightmare truck and (gently) crashes through some barricades. Archer charges in and Cody neutralizes him with a low blow and unloads punches. He turns his back to chase Roberts, which allows Archer to throw him through a table. They brawl around ringside in properly vicious fashion. Archer no sells a chair to the forehead and they block each other's finishers. Archer and Jake back off, giving Cody the W in this exchange.


Jurassic Express (Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy, with Marko Stunt) vs. Best Friends (Chuck Taylor and Trent, with Orange Cassidy)

JB and Taylor start with some clever chain wrestling until reaching a stalemate. Tags are made and Luchasaurus tosses Trent around. Tempers flare and they trade forearms. Luchasaurus tosses Trent into a heel kick for 2. Trent comes back with a backdrop on JB. Best Friends attempt a double team superplex, but JB counters into an electric chair missile dropkick! Jurassic Express hit a tandem flatliner. Trent's dive is blocked, but Best Friends regroup to suplex Luchasaurus on the floor. JB wipes out on a dive to send us to break (the wrestlers are chanting "This is awesome"). Back from commercial, Trent catches Luchasaurus with a spear. JB and Chuck pummel each other. Match breaks down with Trent catching JB with a leg lariat, and tornado DDT on Luchasaurus. OC gets "fired up" on the stage, and Rey Fenix ambushes with a decapitation dropkick! MJF ambushes JB in the chaos, allowing Chuck to finish with the Awful Waffle at 10:49. This was cooking before the break, but was all shenanigans after, **¾.
Winners: Best Friends

The Wardlow takes out Marko Stunt for good measure. The Best Friends look confused but accept their victory.

The sun hasn't set yet when J.R. says that "Jon Moxley is arriving now" but then it cuts to footage clearly taped at night. An angry Moxley brushing off an interview.

Penelope Ford (with Kip Sabian) vs. Kris Statlander vs. Dr. Britt Baker vs. Hikaru Shida

Bell rings and Shida and Baker have unfinished business while Kris fights Ford. Baker attempts a curb stomp on the ropes, but Kris saves and assists in a double backbreaker. Baker and Shida find each other again and put on a good show. Statlander breaks it up and goes for Baker's nose, but Ford assists to allow a spike DDT on the alien. Shida pulls Baker to the floor, leaving Kris to slam Ford off of her shoulders. Statlander powerbombs Shida and Baker off the buckles, and then nearly slips while slamming Ford onto Baker. Everyone is down so it's commercial time. They return with Baker interrupting Statlander vs. Shida for a running double knee and Canadian Destroyer! Ford hits a back handspring cutter. Ford ducks back to avoid Shida's lariat and hits a Stunner. Neckbreaker by Baker, but Statlander pulls her into a Michinoku Driver for 2. Shida suplexes Ford onto Kris, but Baker interrupts with a superkick. Ford's missile dropkick gets 2 on Shida. Kip holds Shida in place, Ford misses a charge, and saves face by making out with her fiance, which nearly costs her as Shida rolls her up. Falcon Arrow by Shida, but Statlander breaks it, only for Ford to amush with a Poison Rana. Shida breaks Ford's back and finishes with a running knee at 10:15. Baker was foolishly preoccupied by putting Statlander in a Lockjaw on the floor. This was tons of fun, hampered a little bit by Ford looking a bit lost at times and a few non-fatal miscues, ***½.
Winner: Hikaru Shida

Suge D says he's been clawing for years and while Chris Jericho has been disrespecting him with the "Pineapple Pete" insult, it's inadvertently made his life great. He enjoys a pineapple beverage and looks ready for the fight of his life.

Proud and Powerful (Santana and Ortiz) vs. Kenny Omega and Matt Hardy

PnP attack Omega during his entrance and haul him to the ring. They double team him and hit a moonsault before Hardy arrives. Santana attacks him on the stage while pyro goes off, and Hardy tosses him into the tunnel. Bell rings, Santana sends Hardy into the guard rail while Omega battles Ortiz in the ring. Omega avoids getting double teamed and hits a combo Kotaro Crusher. Omega plays the role of Jeff Hardy hitting the Whisper of the Wind. Omega's adrenaline gets him far, but Ortiz still manages to whip him into the rails to send us to commercial. They return with PnP working Omega over. Ortiz continually does the annoying (but hilarious) Tiger Claw attack, and Omega makes him pay with a snap Dragon suplex. Hardy gets the hot tag and smashes Santana's head into the buckles. Side Effect on Santana gets 2. Hardy continues his flurry and vows to Delete Santana, but Ortiz back drops him to ringside for Santana's suicide dive. Hardy blocks the Street Sweeper and hits a neckbreaker, meanwhile Omega scores a plancha. Twist of Fate is good, but Ortiz saves the match. PnP swarm Omega with furious offense and nearly pin him after a cannonball senton. Omega counters the Street Sweeper, and Hardy puts Ortiz into a front headlock with a body scissors. Sammy Guevara limps out wearing a neck brace. Hardy kicks away his chair and hits the Twist of Fate. Ortiz quickly takes a V-Trigger and Twist of Fate for the loss at 17:14. Good match with a hot finish, ***½.
Winners: Kenny Omega and Matt Hardy

Taz tries to instill some more wisdom in Darby Allin, who doesn't want to hear any of it. To be fair, Taz was being a tad condescending, and Allin does have an amateur wrestling background.

Backstage interview with Hikaru Shida, who is officially getting a shot at Nyla Rose and the Women's title at Double or Nothing. She's interrupted by the champ, who offers an insincere congratulations before cracking a kendo stick over her head.

MJF (with The Wardlow) vs. Lee Johnson

Johnson has quickly earned a 0-5 record on job duties during the pandemic. MJF plows right through him and seems to be enjoying himself. Johnson lands an ineffective chop and MJF knocks him off his feet. MJF follows with a powerbomb onto the ring frame. Double underhook shoulder breaker by MJF and armar ends it at 2:50. Productive squash for young Friedman.
Winner: MJF

MJF take a mic and complains about his peers not reacting to him like a real pro wrestler. He's feeling a bit of ring rust and could use a tune-up before facing Jungle Boy at Double or nothing, so he's happy to inform us that he signed an open contract to face Marko Stunt next week.

"Pineapple Pete" Suge D vs. Chris Jericho (with the Inner Circle)

Suge D is absolutely embracing the "Pineapple Pete" moniker and bounces to the ring in tropical vacation attire. Jericho is wearing a Pineapple Pete t-shirt, that I suspect is available at Pro Wrestling Tees. Suge D takes the fight to Le Champion with furious punches. Running elbow by Suge but a second charge results in a Judas Effect. Jericho pins Suge at 1:04. Color me disappointed that Pineapple Pete didn't have a better showing, but in a "I'm invested in the storyline, not mad that a wrestler got buried" sort of way.
Winner: Chris Jericho

Now that Jericho has vanquished the Pineapple Pete threat, he's got bigger fish to fry, namely Matt Hardy and The Elite. He hears that Hangman Page quick the business to pick berries in the woods, while the Young Bucks are goofing around at home. The Inner Circle are honorable men, so they'll give the Elite one more chance to get their sh!t together. Jericho sets out a challenge for a Stadium Stampede match to be held in the football stadium next door. Vanguard1 hovers in with the stolen Inner Circle t-shirt. Jericho says the drone has a lot of guts for showing up. Vanguard1 accepts to the Stadium Stampede match on behalf of the Elite, but still refuses to join the Inner Circle. Jericho revokes the offer, because the sixth member of the Inner Circle is Floyd the baseball bat, which he uses to smash Vanguard1 to pieces! They destroy the drone as if it was the copier from Office Space. That's like a 1,500 dollar drone, man. Matt Hardy arrives too late and is understandably devastated by the loss of his friend.

Christopher Daniels vs. Mr. Brodie Lee (with The Dark Order)

Lee enters wearing the AEW title and demands that Dasha Gonzalez introduce him as the "self-proclaimed AEW Champion." Lee quickly gains control of Daniels, hitting a power slam and throwing the Fallen Angel to ringside. Lee mouths off at Kazarian and Scorpio Sky in the crowd, which allows Daniels to hit a suicide dive and Asai Moonsault. Lee responds with a vicious big boot. My commercial break sense is tingling, but the match continues with Lee dishing out Methodical Heel Offense. Lee's spinning sidewalk slam gets 2, so we finally take a break. Back from commercial, Daniels begins to mount a comeback with a DDT counter. Leaping Frankensteiner by Daniels, but 10 hands a chair to Lee, while Sky and Kazarian beat up other Dark Order minions. Daniels steals the chair and cracks Lee in the forehead, and applies the Koji Clutch. The ring fills with interfering bodies, but they all brawl to ringside. Daniels hits Angels Wings for only 1! Lee blocks a second Angels Wings but eats the Best Moonsault Ever for a good 2 count. Daniels flies into Lee's powerbomb. The Discus lariat finishes at 12:41. This was okay, but did not feel lofty considering the extensive backstory, **½.
Winner: Mr. Brodie Lee

The Dark Order dorks award the AEW title to Lee, prompting actual AEW Champion Jon Moxley to storm into the amphitheatre. Moxley beats up any goof in a mask that isn't 10 or Lee, who manage to slip away. Moxley grabs a mic and states that he can take a lot of punishment, but will not suffer disrespect. The AEW title is about more than metal and leather, and at Double or Nothing, Moxley will unleash a halestorm of violence on Brodie Lee.

Final Thoughts: Just a solid show this week. Having to book a PPV on the fly has sort of given Dynamite a more WWE-like feel than usual, given how carefully booked the shows were prior to the pandemic. To their credit, over the past couple of weeks I have shifted from "There's no way I'm buying a full price PPV in an empty building" to "I might get it, I want to see what happens."

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