WWF @ Madison Square Garden – April 22, 1991
by Scrooge McSuck

- The broadcast team for this particular show are Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and new-comer to the broadcast position… Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart. Oh, boy. Neidhart will constantly add nothing to matches and discussions while trying to play it straight. Monsoon and Heenan argue, of course.

- The Dragon vs. Haku:
Interesting match to start the show. The Dragon is Ricky Steamboat, recently returning from a successful run in the NWA. Haku’s chances of winning are slim, since he’s introduced during The Dragon’s grand entrance of fire breathing. Oh, and the name “Ricky Steamboat” is never uttered by anyone, although in coming weeks, Monsoon would occasionally slip up here and there. The Dragon controls the early moments of the match with his usual assortment of arm drags, wristlocks and armbars. Haku fights back with stomping, but the Dragon maintains control of the match. Monsoon and Heenan get into their usual arguing, and Anvil interrupts the fun, as usual. Haku takes over with a stiff clothesline, then goes to the chinlock. The Dragon is sent out of the ring, and Haku takes him back in from the apron with a suplex for a two count. Dragon fights back, and they exchange chops, before it was in vogue. Haku misses a charge to the corner, and the Dragon comes off the top rope with a cross body press for the three count at 9:44. Acceptable opener, but not one of those magical 4-star matches people claimed the Dragon had with Haku on the house show circuit.

- The Bushwhackers vs. Power & Glory:
(Butch & Luke vs. Hercules & Paul Roma)
No Slick for the baddies here. For the record, I really hate the Bushwhackers, and recapping their matches is always a chore. Monsoon makes his usual “they’re licking and whacking their way through the competition”, which always seems like a dirty joke to me. The Bushwhackers play the crowd for a good couple of minutes after the bell rings. Hercules and Luke finally start, and the comedy begins as both ‘Whackers bite the butts of their opponents. Stalling galore! Roma takes a crack at the weirdos now, and makes first heel offensive contact more than 4-minutes into the match. I should note the only face contact was the previous mentioned bit. Roma works the majority of the match, which is the only good thing to say about this stinker. Butch eventually gets the hot tag, but Hercules trips him up. Roma drops an elbow on him, but then Luke drops an elbow on Roma. Then Hercules comes in and drops an elbow on Butch, and Roma gets the three count at 10:49 to end this pathetic mess of a match. -** I don’t do star ratings unless the match really sucks or is really good. Take a guess why that’s here. Hint: There’s a negative sign in front of the stars.

- Big Boss Man vs. The Mountie:
I guess red is the universal color of evil in the WWF, because the Mounties attire is not much different than Boss Man’s, minus the color swapping. For some reason, the Mountie is Hart-less… no pun intended. Lord Alfred Hayes earns his paycheck, bothering the Mountie during his entrance, and accusing him of abusing his authority in the USA. Heenan bad-mouths the Boss Man on commentary, of course. Nightstick vs. Shock-Stick Stand-Off™! Boss Man wins that battle, but the referee confiscates the shock stick before it can be used on da’ Mountie. Boss Man dominates the majority of the match until missing a charge into the corner. The Mountie works over the leg for a bit, then stupidly gets on the house microphone to talk smack. Moments later, and a Boss Man Slam out of nowhere ends the Mountie’s night at 7:57. Post-match, the Mountie attacks the Boss Man and gives him a few shocks for the hell of it. He may have won the battle, but the Mountie won the war! Not much of a match, as it was basically a long squash for Boss Man.

- World Championship Match:
Hulk Hogan © vs. Sgt. Slaughter (w/ Gen. Adnan):
A Rematch from WrestleMania VII, and one of my own personal favorites in the “least appreciated WrestleMania main events” category. Hogan won the title, but after the cameras stopped rolling, Slaughter ambushed Hogan backstage and tossed a fireball in his face, so the feud MUST CONTINUE! Before the match, Slaughter gets on the microphone and cuts one of his usual long-winded promos, no doubt calling Hogan a “maggot” and “puke” 500 times each. The heels double team Hogan, despite the bell already ringing, but Hogan cleans house anyway. Not much different from their Mania match, minus a bit of the cheating. Hogan dominates the early minutes, but Slaughter takes over with a lot of punching… and more punching. Slaughter then pulls an Orndorff (mock the ear-cupping). In the mean-time, Hogan blades, and has the decency to do it when the camera isn’t in his face. Slaughter with more punching, then it’s Camel Clutch time (Monsoon says Cobra, though). Hogan, in severe pain, spits blood out like it’s mist… now that’s disgusting and awesome. Hogan powers out to break the hold, but he’s not Hulking yet. Slaughter continues to control. Back breaker by the Sarge, followed by a knee drop from the top rope… and NOW it’s Hulk Up Time! Three rights and a big boot, but there’s a ref’ bump! Slaughter misses a chair shot and bonks himself, instead. Hogan takes the chair and nails Adnan with it. The referee wakes up, sees the chair in Hogan’s hands, then the carnage, and the match is awarded to Sgt. Slaughter by Disqualification at 15:55. Slaughter tries to throw a fireball at Hogan, but Hogan uses the chair to block it. Match was pretty crap-tastic, but it set up their string of “Desert Storm Matches”, which were pretty good, but a lame attempt to recreate the Slaughter/Patterson and Slaughter/Shiek brawls.

- Event Center time with Sean Mooney! The WWF is coming to the Nassau Coliseum on May 10th! Scheduled is a 18-Man Battle Royale, with the winner receiving an immediate Intercontinental Title shot against Mr. Perfect. Participants include Davey Boy Smith, Power & Glory, Greg Valentine, the Warlord, Bret Hart, the Orient Express, Koko B. Ware, Col. Mustafa, Jake Roberts, and… ANDRE THE GIANT? Also the Ultimate Warrior battles the Undertaker. We then see highlights of the recent incident on the Funeral Parlor, where the Undertaker locked Warrior inside a coffin. As a young mark, I thought that was fucking awesome. Die, Warrior!

- “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs. Irwin R. Schyster:
I.R.S. is the returning Mike Rotundo. According to my records, I.R.S. had yet to debut (in the ring) on television yet, so the MSG Network is the home of the debut of I.R.S. Set your VCR’s now! I.R.S. is wearing brown tights (see: Von Kaiser) instead of the trouser look we all know and “love.” It certainly doesn’t look right. The MSG Network craps out momentarily, cutting out Snuka’s entrance. Snuka sucks, by the way. He also uses a shit load of headlocks to “control” the action. I.R.S. doesn’t do much of note, other than his traditional abdominal stretch, using the ropes for added leverage. Snuka mounts a comeback, but IRS rolls through a twisting cross body press, and that’s enough for the three count at 5:46. At least it was short. The only purpose of the match was to give the fans a look at that up-and-coming newcomer, I.R.S.

- “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich vs. The Warlord:
Please God, no! This match is going to be awful. I’ve reviewed this one a long time ago, way back when I first viewed it on the Coliseum Video “Rampage ’91.” It sucked many different flavors of ass. There’s nothing to describe this match other than endless pain and suffering. Both men do nothing but punch (no-selling by Warlord, Von Erich too stoned to know wether to sell or not at times), some of the worst cases of rest-holds I’ve ever seen, and a total mess. The Warlord manages to kick out of Tornado’s finishing move, so you know Von Erich is fucked when it comes to being pushed anymore. The “action” spills outside, where they have a totally uninspired brawl until both men are counted-out at 8:52. Von Erich appeared to have rolled back into the ring, in time, but who cares, the match was about 9 minutes too long. -** Another horrible match in a string of them tonight, it seems. At least this didn’t lead to an epic MSG ReMatch like some of the other matches featured on this card.

- The Rockers & Virgil vs. The Orient Express & Mr. Fuji:
No idea why Virgil is included in this match. Oh, and for those who care, this version of the Orient Express is Tanaka and the masked Kato (Paul Diamond, who is not Japanese. Editor's Note: technically, neither is Pat Tanaka). Monsoon comments on Fuji’s ceremonial salt, saying he hopes it would drive the Brain away. Michaels and Tanaka start, shoving and slapping each other. Not the kind of opening I was hoping for (see: Royal Rumble ’91), but at least Michaels isn’t doing chinlock 30-seconds into the match like at others (see: UK Rampage ’91). Virgil comes in to take out both Express members after a double atomic drop by the Rockers, and the Express stall outside the ring. Virgil gets caught in the evil corner, getting his ass handed to him by 729 year old Mr. Fuji. This certainly isn’t making me excited, I tell you what. Virgil continues taking a beating from the Express, and nothing of note is really going on. Jannetty gets a mild tag and cleans house of the Express, but Michaels tags back in and is quickly YOUR FACE IN PERIL. The Express work him over good in the only real highlight of the match, so far. LONG Chinlock spot by Kato until Michaels gives a modified electric chair drop. Michaels with a double clothesline to the Express, and Jannetty gets the hot tag. Slam to Kato and back elbow to Tanaka. Irish whip and powerslam on Tanaka for a two count. Double super-kick by the Rockers, and Virgil comes in with a clothesline. Virgil with the Million $ Dream, and Tanaka is out at 11:12. Decent second half of the match, but it’s not something worth a damn in the long haul.

- The Fink runs down the card for the next WWF event, held on June 3rd. Starting time is 7:30 p.m. The Berzerker will face Tugboat! The Barbarian will oppose Bret “Hitman” Hart! Smash of Demolition battles it out with the Dragon! Col. Mustafa will square off against “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan! A return bout is signed between the Mountie and the Big Boss Man! Power & Glory will face the Legion of Doom! Earthquake will oppose Jake “The Snake” Roberts! In the main event, a Desert Storm match featuring World Champion Hulk Hogan and Sgt. Slaughter. Card subject to change.

- “Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs. “Million $ Man” Ted Dibiase (w/ Sensational Sherri):
A direct result from WrestleMania VII, where Dibiase beat the tar out of Piper’s injured leg/hip/whatever, and in the process, found a new manager in the form of the Sensational Sherri. Piper attacks Dibiase before the bell, pounding away and ramming Dibiase face-first into the buckle a handful of times. Piper goes for an atomic drop, but Piper’s knee “goes out”, forcing him to drop Dibiase crotch-first across the top rope. Sherri becomes involved, but Piper doesn’t sell her attack, and plants one on her. Dibiase tries to sneak up on Piper, but that doesn’t work. Sherri gets involved again, allowing Dibiase to take control. Irish whip, and Piper comes back, slamming Dibiase face-first into the canvas. Dibiase eventually gains control, working over the knee of Piper. Sherri tosses a chair in the ring, and Dibiase uses it to weakly smack Piper across the head with it. Dibiase covers, but Piper kicks out at two. Dibiase goes back to work on the knee. Figure-Four attempt, but Piper kicks him off. Dibiase comes off the turnbuckle, jumping into a fist by Piper. Piper with a series of rights and lefts, then rams the head of Dibiase into the canvas some more. Sherri steals Heenan’s chair, pushing him out of it to the enjoyment of Anvil. Dibiase with another chair shot, this time to the leg of Piper. Dibiase applies the Figure-Four, and the pain is so much for Piper that the referee uses his discretion to call for the bell at 7:29, giving the match to Ted Dibiase. Afterwards, Piper cleans house of the heels and rips the skirt off of Sherri for good measure. Good enough match to close out the show.

Final Thoughts: For the most part, the show is a nice change from previous cards because it features primarily superstars, and not weekend scrubs filling in for undercard matches. On the other hand, the show features a handful of horrible matches in the form of Bushwhackers/Power & Glory and Tornado/Warlord, as well as a lot of mediocre matches. Only three matches could be considered “good”, but none alone or together are worth tracking down the show, unless you’re a big fan of this era.

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