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WWF TNT- January 24, 1986

by Scrooge McSuck

- Hosted by Vince McMahon, with co-host Lord Alfred Hayes. This week's guests include B. Brian Blair, "Cowboy Ace" Bob Orton (Hayes' wording), Cousin Luke, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, Hillbilly Jim, and Roddy Piper. Why were they announced in that order? We know Luke and Jim will be together, as will be Piper and Orton, so why scatter things? To make it sound like we've got more, when really there's less?

Guest(s) #1: Roddy Piper and Bob Orton

There's no way this can't be good, it's mid 80's Roddy Piper on a dumb wrestling-themed talk-show where he's allowed to say pretty much anything he wants. In a sloppy transition, we cut to the studio, and see Piper and Orton passing the audience t go behind the curtain that they emerge from about 30-seconds later. THE MAGIC OF TELEVISION IS RUINED. Piper notes that Vince's hair is very poofy today and makes fun of Kerwin Silfie's name, calling him a frog that works cheap. This segues to making fun of the Hillbilly clan. We see highlights from an episode of Piper's Pit, where a doctor diagnoses the timetable for a wrist fracture to heal. It should only be 4-weeks, but Orton's been in a cast for 9-months, and Piper keeps twisting the words around to benefit themselves. McMahon asks Piper to take his foot off the table, because the camera can see up his kilt. Back to the WWF Magazine, we talk about Uncle Elmer on his honeymoon at Niagara Falls. Piper says Elmer's wife is a nice lady with long hair down her back and arms. We come back from commercial with Piper scattering a Hulk Hogan puzzle on the floor ("250 pieces? That'll take the Hillbillies 10 years). Piper's voice is completely shot here.

- Highlights of the Six-Man Tag Team Match from Saturday Night's Main Event between Piper, Orton, and Jesse Ventura against Hillbilly Jim, Uncle Elmer, and Cousin Luke.

- Back in the studio, Piper starts making fun of Bruno Sammartino. We talk about the Wrestling Album and Piper's song "For Everybody." He says there's a message in the song, and if you have an I.Q. over 21, you can figure it out. Piper looks like he belongs on another planet.

Guest #2: B. Brian Blair

Blair is wearing a jacket with patches on the elbows, which was the style at the time if you were middle-aged and trying to present yourself as a sophisticated character in society. After a quick search, I discovered Blair was only 26 years old at this point, making him wise beyond his years, based on wardrobe. "How are things with the Killer Bees?" "Fine." "Looking for a title shot soon?" "Yes, sir. How's everything with you." Wow, what a great exchange. McMahon asks if Blair is always this colorful and tries to paint Blair out as a party animal, but Blair credits Jim Brunzell in keeping him grounded. WHAT A SQUARE.

- Highlights of a match between Brian Blair and Barry O from Madison Square Garden.

- Back in the studio, Blair describes the technique behind a sleeper hold, and says it's the referee's discretion to ensure the safety of the opponent from such a hold. Blair's goal is to win, not to hurt the other man and his attempt to support his family. NERD.

Guest #3: Bobby "The Brain" Heenan

The episode is titled "Brain teasing trivia with Bobby Heenan", so who knows what to expect from this segment. Probably some trivia, but I've been wrong before. Heenan takes offense to not being introduced as the Manager of the Year. McMahon compliments Heenan's handkerchief. Alfred has some questions for Heenan, and they've cleverly titled the segment "Baffle the Brain." Alfred says Heenan knows so much about wrestling, he has a list of questions for him.

1. The Intercontinental Title changed hands once in 1985; in what city was it, and who won it?
2. What was the name of Lou Albano's Championship Team and who was his partner?
3. Who was the only man Freddie Blassie managed to the WWF Title, and who beat him?
4. Who held all 3 WWF Championships (WWF, Intercontinental, and Tag Team) in their career, and is still active?
5. Name 2 current managers featured on the inside cover of "The Wrestling Album"

Heenan gets the first four questions correct, but his own arrogance incorrectly identifies himself for the last question, when he was not featured on the cover. McMahon comically takes the piss out of the first question, noting that the current Intercontinental Champion was hardly a difficult question to answer. The most difficult question is the one about Albano, but he gave us all that information on his last appearance, so for regular viewers, it shouldn't be,

Guest(s) #4: Hillbilly Jim & Cousin Luke

I keep listing "Junior" instead of Luke, as if it matters. Jim goofs around with his LJN counterpart, which comes with removeable hat, for those interested… and yes, I do have one somewhere in my collection. I'm not an LJN collector, but I do like the Jim figure.

- We show highlights of Jim and Luke in action from the January 4th episode of Championship Wrestling, which happens to be Luke's in-ring debut for the television audience.

- Back in the studio, they talk about Luke getting whacked by Bob Orton's cast on their recent appearance of Saturday Night's Main Event. Jim says if they had a cow or horse at home injured that long, they shoot it. Jim promises revenge on all parties involved. We come back from commercial, ready to talk about Luke's CATFISH. Luke says they taste delicious with possum and taters. How are we not segueing to a kitchen stage for some shenanigans with this conversation? Jim says Uncle Elmer is talking about opening a restaurant. McMahon says he's always talking about or handling something that smells like fish. VINCE, YOU'RE GROSS. Catfish cuisine is the talk of the segment, and it makes Alfred sick to think about. They come back from another break and Bobby Heenan is back on the set as they talk about eating Weasel (it's disgusting). He promises King Kong Bundy will be here next week as the credits roll.

Final Thoughts: A huge swing-and-a-miss this week, with two strong choices as guests, and it mostly under-delivering. Piper seemed tired and zonked out, lacking the usual pep he was known for, and Heenan's segment, while a bit different from what we're used to seeing, came off flat.

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