WWF Smackdown! - October 14, 1999
-From Birmingham, AL. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.
-Mankind visits Mr. McMahon in search of a favor. Apparently, Vince once told Mick to leave him alone, and he did, therefore he's owed something in return. He wants a shot at the Tag Team Championship for the Rock n' Sock Connection. Vince agrees, but doesn't think Rock will want the match.
-The New Age Outlaws come out to a huge ovation. They're simultaneously feuding with the heel Holly Cousins and babyface Rock n' Sock Connection, but they're always babyfaces for their entrance and mic work. They're interrupted by a somber looking Triple H, sporting a fake bruised face. I think we're supposed to think he got attacked by the rattle snake on Raw. He cuts a sob story promo about how this has been his dream but never imagined the business would turn into having to kill yourself for the fans. He says this is the last time anyone will ever see him, teasing a retirement. Before he goes, he wants Mr. McMahon to come look him in the eyes and know never to put anyone in his situation again. A concerned looking Vince shows up and listens to HHH's speech. The segment drags on forever before just ending with HHH saying he'll forfeit the title later.
-Backstage, Kane tells X-Pac to stay out of his business.
Kane vs. The Acolytes (Faarooq and Bradshaw)
The Acolytes swarm Kane on his entrance and overwhelm him with punch/kick type offense. Kane frees himself from Faarooq and counters Bradshaw's dive into a power slam. Kane hangs Bradshaw on the ropes and delivers the flying clothesline. Kane wraps Bradshaw's leg around the post, but Faarooq tackles the back of his leg and smashes him with the ring steps (the ref doesn't seem to mind). Kane makes a quick comeback and choke slams Bradshaw. Faarooq takes some punishment until Bradshaw clotheslines the back of Kane's head. Kane kicks out of a double neckbreaker and double team powerbomb. Suddenly I feel like playing Wrestlemania 2000 for the N64. A second double powerbomb ends this at 4:24 (an eternity by Attitude Era standards).
Winners: The Acolytes
-A chair wielding X-Pac runs in to clear the Acolytes from the ring.
-Mankind is searching for The Rock but only finds Stevie Richards dressed as Dude Love. Stevie thinks it's horrible what Val Venis did to Mick and wants to fight for his honor. Stevie thinks Mick is his best friend, but gets dismissed because The Rock is Mankind's best friend. This might be stupid, but I think it's funny.
-Michael Hayes has a sit-down interview with Test about Stephanie McMahon's amnesia. Just because Steph forgave Bulldog doesn't mean Test will.
-Chris Jericho and Curtis Hughes are suddenly brawling and need to be physically separated.
-Mankind finally finds The Rock, but he's on the phone and doesn't want to talk. Mick explains that Vince wants them to team up one last time. The Rock doesn't want any favors and wonders out loud if Mick is retarded. Not nice, Rock. Rock agrees to the match only if it's the last time, but he doesn't know who the opponents are and therefore doesn't know he might be stuck as one half of the Tag Team Champions.
Chris Jericho vs. Curtis Hughes
Jericho turned on his sidekick on Raw and now they're blood enemies. Jericho attacks Hughes in the aisle and drags him to the ring for a missile drop-kick. Howard Finkel shows up to watch as Hughes takes control with punches. Finkel hands Jericho a chair and the referee doesn't see or hear the chair shot and Jericho wins at 0:57. Jericho can finally move on from this weird angle with Hughes.
Winner: Chris Jericho
-Jericho tells Hughes off with his bag of catchphrases. Since Hughes is a bonafide loser in life, he's going to give him Howard Finkel. Finkel is shocked and Hughes forces him to the back while Jericho implies they'll be a happy couple.
-Earlier today, Jim Ross sat down with Big Show to talk about his dying father. Seventeen years later and this angle is still awkward as hell. A tearful Show confesses that he's never finished anything that he started, despite being a great athlete, and that goes against his dad's teachings. You know, just because Big Show can cry on cue, doesn't mean he should, but this company loves making him cry on the air (see 2012 angle with Laurinaitis, 2013 angle with The Authority). This stuff sucks.
-Terry Taylor hounds Big Boss Man for an interview about his issues with Al Snow and Big Show. Boss Man wants to know who keeps putting him in these situations and thinks winning the Hardcore title will help him.
-Mark Henry talks to his new, male sex therapist. He explains that his last therapist was too hot and all he could think about is sex. The therapist has a lisp and pats Henry's shoulder, therefore he's gay, and a disgusted Henry leaves. Way to play into the Alabama fans, eh?
Big Show is MIA as Boss Man and Snow start brawling at ringside. Show is late to the party and goes right after Boss Man, who had some mean things to say about his dying daddy. Snow sneaks up and sprays an extinguisher in Show's face. Snow looks for some weapons while Show resumes his beatdown on Boss Man. Show choke slams Snow through a table and turns around to a nightstick shot from Boss Man. Show is out cold and gets pinned on the floor at 2:55. RANDOM TITLE CHANGE FTW!
Al Snow © vs. Big Boss Man vs. Big Show
Winner and new Hardcore Champion: Big Boss Man
-Stone Cold Steve Austin arrives at the arena.
-A tearful, distraught Chyna is eagerly screaming for help, presumably for boyfriend, Triple H.
Val Venis vs. Stevie Richards
Venis cuts a short promo, mad about losing custody of Mr. Rocko after Mankind retried it from his tights. Richards comes out to Dude Love's music but gets completely overwhelmed by Venis. Richards lands a Stevie Kick for a token near fall. Val reverses a sleeper into a sit-out powerbomb. The Money Shot ends it at 1:18. Good squash match that makes Venis look like a killer.
Winner: Val Venis
-Venis pulls out Mr. Rocko and administers a testicular claw on Richards. The same thing could happen to Mankind at No Mercy! I like this evil version of Venis.
-Triple H is loaded into an ambulance. The thick plottens.
-The British Bulldog comes out to talk. He doesn't care about anyone, only the WWF Championship. He thinks that if Triple H is too sick to defend the title, he should get it. Also, he's looking for revenge against The Rock, because getting slammed into dog poop was just not cool, man.
-Photo shoot with Terri Runnels, who's wearing nothing but 100 dollar bills. This is meant to encourage Edge and Christian and The Hardy Boyz. Meanwhile, Edge and Christian are jumped from behind by the Hardyz and Gangrel.
-Intercontinental Champion Jeff Jarrett and The Kat come to the ring filled with household items. Jarrett aims to teach Chyna what the real role of a woman is and has The Kat pose with the various items. They're interrupted by Debra who declares that Jarrett will be beaten by a woman at No Mercy.
-Austin enjoys a beer backstage before talking to Kevin Kelly. Austin doesn't have any remorse for what he did to Triple H due to everything The Game put him through. Austin doesn't want to win the title via forfeit but one way or another he'll be WWF Champion at No Mercy.
Terri Invitational Tournament:
Edge and Jeff square off and both look for a quick win. Edge counters into a face first jackknife slam. The Hardyz double team Edge with elbow drops for a near fall. Christian tags and delivers a series of suplexes. Christian catches Jeff with a gutbuster, but Matt sunset flips him off the apron. Edge dives in for a save, but Gangrel interferes. The Hardyz slam Christian onto his face in a heat sequence. Edge gets the hot tag and cleans house for some near falls, but the match breaks down. Matt goes for an electric chair on Christian, misses and hits Edge, and scores the pinfall at 5:35(Christian was pinning Jeff, but they weren't legal). Another good TV outing from these teams.
The Brood (Matt and Jeff Hardy, with Gangrel) vs. Edge and Christian
Winners: The Brood
-GTV catches Stephanie McMahon meeting The British Bulldog in an empty restaurant. She wants to talk with Bulldog to see if he can apologize without anyone getting hurt. This outrages Bulldog who storms off.
The Godfather (with the hos) vs. Mideon (with Viscera)
Godfather offers Mideon some hos in place of getting his ass kicked. The fans chant "Pick the hos" but Mideon rudely rejects the offer, as he's more interested in farm animals. It takes a lot to sicken the Godfather, but he's offended and tosses Mideon to ringside. Mideon drags Godfather to the floor, where Viscera slams him into the ring post. Apparently all outside interference is legal in 1999. Godfather shakes it off and signal the Ho Train. Viscera distracts, but Godfather manages the Pimp Drop for the win at 1:51. This was stupid and offensive enough to be amusing.
Winner: The Godfather
-The Hos try to hold Viscera back, but he manages to flatten The Godfather with a leg drop and body splash. It's hard out there for a pimp.
World Tag Team Championship:
The Rock locks up with his former Summerslam opponent, Billy Gunn. They run the ropes until Rock nails a clothesline and punches Gunn so hard he lands on the turnbuckles. Gunn surprises with a neckbreaker for a 2 count. Road Dogg prevents a Rock Bottom and the match breaks down into a brawl. The match is restored with Dogg and Mick as the legal men, because Attitude means no rules. Mick steals Road Dogg's dancing and jabbing routine, so Dogg shows him how it's done. Road Dogg sets up a pump handle slam but stops to pelvic thrust, earning an attack from The Rock. A fresh Billy Gunn takes control, hitting Mick with a piledriver. The Rock eventually gets the hot tag and nails the Rock Bottom on Gunn. Mankind tags himself in and almost pins Gunn with a DDT. Road Dogg gets a mouthful of Socko, but Gunn breaks it up. Fame-asser on Mankind, but the ref is down. Crash and Hardcore Holly run in and lay out Gunn, and the ref wakes up to count Mick's pinfall at 8:28. The Rock is bemused to have won the match. This was nonstop, solid action, complete with an overbooked, chaotic atmosphere. Hard to dislike this, **1/2.
The New Age Outlaws © (Road Dogg and Billy Gunn) vs. The Rock n' Sock Connection (Mankind and The Rock)
Winners and new World Tag Team Champions: The Rock n' Sock Connection
-Mankind is jubilant in victory, but The Rock begrudgingly accepts his strap. This means, of course, that the Rock n' Sock Connection will continue.
-Chyna helps Triple H confront Steve Austin backstage. HHH was pretending to be hurt and clocks Austin in the skull. He rips the fake scarring off his face and throws Austin into the wall. HHH says the title means more to him than ever and spits on Stone Cold. I guess they don't call him the Cerebral Assassin for nothing.
Final Thoughts: Sometimes playing to the lowest common denominator is fun. This is a good example of that. Thumbs Up.
Final Thoughts: I laughed, I cried, I even learned a little bit. Thumbs Up.
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