WWF Smackdown - February 14, 2002
by Scrooge McSuck
Taped on February 12th from the Alltel Arena in Little Rock, AR, with Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler calling the action, unless otherwise noted. Sunday Night Heat was only taped for an International audience this week, with the following results: Diamond Dallas Page pinned Christian, Jazz pinned Mighty Molly, Rikishi pinned the Boss Man, and Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert defeated the Dudley Boyz when Albert pinned Bubba Ray. In a dark match, Leviathan pinned Randy Orton. John Walsh, host of America's Most Wanted, appeared in front of the crowd to hype the upcoming show with an unsolved case concerning the murder of two wrestling fans.
Vince McMahon and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley make their way to the ring, more than 5-minutes since the start of the broadcast. Yes, 5-MINUTES of the wedding recap (and Smackdown into, of course). Vince says to anyone who thinks he would abandon his daughter during these difficult times, they are all wrong. You can always count on Vince when the chips are down for his family and friends in time of need. Stephanie lied to everyone, but she didn't do anything everyone here doesn't do every single day. "Oh come on, you're telling me you people don't lie? I see a capacity crowd full of liars!" Lawler quips this is Bill Clinton's hometown, the biggest liar of all. The crowd tries drowning him out with a chant of A-hole. Triple H committed the cardinal sin when he struck Stephanie. This Sunday, Triple H will pay when he loses his opportunity to challenge for the Undisputed Title at WrestleMania. Stephanie says her perfect plan was ruined by her mother. She'll deal with her later, but tonight she will take it out on her soon-to-be ex-husband. She says Hunter didn't show her enough attention or respect, forcing her to do what she needed to. She hasn't let him in the house for a couple of days and he "made" her go through their family photos and she ripped them up. She destroyed the video tapes he's studied and tried to emulate. She even burned his childhood scrapbooks. Vince tries to get the train back on the tracks by announcing a tag team match tonight. Kurt Angle and the Undertaker against Maven and Triple H. Cole cries that this isn't fair. I don't know, he's the Hardcore Champion, so that's one-up on the rest of the participants. Stephanie promises a special Valentine's Day surprise.
Booker T and Test are talking strategy about Booker's match tonight against Spike Dudley. They break out in laughter and Test lets us know that they'll have a chance to become 3-time Tag Team Champions at No Way Out.
The Godfather is standing by to announce he has a 2-for-1 special for his escort services, only good for Valentine's Day. It's presented like a commercial and feels like a waste of 30-seconds. I'm assuming his business isn't doing so well if he's trying to sell two ladies for the price of one.
Spike Dudley vs. Booker T (w/ Test):
Test defeated Spike last week on Heat, and Booker defeated Tazz on Monday Night Raw. Tazz isn't here tonight, out promoting Tough Enough 2. Test leaves ringside willingly, Booker T is that confident in his abilities. Spike ducks a lockup but gets laid out with a Super-Kick. Booker unloads with chops against the ropes. He buries a series of knees to the midsection and plants Spike with a slam. Whip to the corner, with Spike taking the buckle chest-first. Booker misses an elbow into the corner, opening the door for Spike to throw a series of right hands. Booker counters a whip and lays Spike out with a clothesline. Whip to the ropes and Booker with a back body-drop, pulling Spike up at the count of two. Booker pounds the back and connects with a standing heel kick. He teases a Spinarooni but stops to hit a Scissors Kick first. Booker with a jumping heel kick for another "two-count." Booker with a super-plex, but Spike cradles the legs and steals the three-count at 3:12. I love "slip on a banana peel" finishes. Booker T looks bad losing like a geek, and Spike looks like a geek getting destroyed until a fluke cradle.Ric Flair interrupts Chris Jericho strutting through the halls and wants to see Jericho in his office. Jericho asks why they can't meet in his office, but Flair won't humor him. We replay Jericho's assault on Austin from Monday Night. Flair offers Jericho the chance to leave right now, because when Steve Austin gets here, he'll tear Jericho up. Jericho isn't afraid of Austin, and suggests Austin isn't here because he's the one that is afraid. Maybe he's upset with the creative team and is late out of protest. Jericho says Flair was quivering like a scared little girl when he shared the ring with the Undertaker. Jericho changes his mind and decides to leave, but Flair changes his mind too and books Jericho in a non-title match against... KANE. I LOVE THAT RUNNING JOKE. Hopefully Kane fills that role for a few weeks.
Billy and Chuck have gifts for each other for Valentine's Day. Bradshaw and Faarooq look on with disgust, with Bradshaw joking that he hopes Faarooq didn't get him anything for Valentine's Day.
The A.P.A. vs. Billy & Chuck:
After weeks of using Billy's "The One" theme song, Billy and Chuck finally have new music. They come out with their boxes of chocolates. I'm surprised they didn't make a joke during the last segment about fat people, but we did get the "ew, homosexuality" reaction from the APA, so that balances the universe of bad taste in pro wrestling. Chuck makes sure to count his chocolates before leaving them at ringside. Faarooq and Bradshaw have enough and take the fight to the floor. Chuck is sent into the ring and hit with a double-team shoulder block. Bradshaw catches a body press into the corner and throws Chuck with a fallaway slam. Chuck goes to the eyes and tags in Billy. He avoids a big boot but is laid out with a clothesline. Cole hypes the "three Main Events" at No Way Out and how all will have major implications for WrestleMania. Exactly what are the Rock and Taker fighting for? Chuck sends Bradshaw into the steps while Faarooq spikes Billy in the ring with a spine-buster. Faarooq tries grabbing Chuck, but gets blasted in the face with the box of chocolates and Billy covers for three at 2:07. Oh, there's a weight in the box! Billy and Chuck outsmart the opposition once again!Steve Austin and Debra are here. I can only guess who is pitching for Debra to get screen time in 2002. When we return from the commercial, Steve Austin makes his way to the ring for what I'm sure is another lovely promo where he rambles a lot as the crowd chants "What" every 3 seconds. Austin says he's stunned a lot of people, flipped a lot of people off, drank a lot of beer, and raised a lot of hell. Tonight, he's going to talk about something he never talked about in his life... He's "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and he's a drug addict. His drug of choice is the World Wrestling Federation Championship. He needs to be the Champion and will do anything to get those belts, like turn heel in Houston in front of 67,000 people and begin the downward spiral of mainstream popularity for professional wrestling. OK, I made that up. He details what will happen at No Way Out and promises to hit the Stunner on Chris Jericho with some stink on it.
Non-Title Match: William Regal (Intercontinental Champion) vs. Val Venis:
Val does his knock-off Rude Awakening, revealing a big heart under his towel, and the woman pulled from the crowd removes her blouse before their make-out session. Referee Chad Patton pats Regal down before the bell. Lockup and Venis grabs a side headlock. Regal fights free but is nailed coming off the ropes with a clothesline. BREAKING NEWS: Regal defends the title against Edge at No Way Out in a BRASS KNUCKLES ON A POLE MATCH. Venis with an elbow and knee drop for two. Venis climbs the ropes but is straddled across the turnbuckle thanks to Regal bumping the referee. Regal with the Power of the Punch for three at 1:01. Cole makes sure to note he did that illegally. Coach tries getting a word with Regal, but Edge interrupts for their billionth pull-apart.Steve Austin and Chris Jericho have an awkward moment together in the dressing room. Austin splatters beer across Jericho's face and tells him that Jericho's belts will be his at No Way Out.
The Dudley Boyz want to know why Booker T and Test have a shot at the Tag Titles. They've been a team ONCE for three months, but they haven't gotten a rematch yet. BUBBA RAY BRINGING LOGIC. Christian and Lance Storm interrupt, wanting a shot at the titles as well. Flair cuts them all off and announces TAG TEAM TURMOIL at No Way Out. The winner goes to WrestleMania against the Champions. It'll be all these men, along with the APA, Billy and Chuck, Scotty and Albert, and the Hardy Boyz.
Non-Title Match: Tajiri (w/ Torrie Wilson) vs. Goldust:
Poor Tajiri continues to be treated like a bottom-feeder geek. When was the last time the Cruiserweight Title was defended on Raw or Smackdown? Lockup and Tajiri with a snap arm drag. Goldust with an arm drag of his own. He celebrates prematurely and eats a Super Kick. Whip to the ropes and Goldust with a clothesline. Tajiri avoids the hip attack and kicks Goldust in the rear. Goldust misses a charge to the corner and is briefly caught in the Tarantula. Tajiri misses a moonsault, allowing Goldust to regain control. He sets up for Shattered Dreams, but Torrie hops on the apron and slaps him as Tajiri frees himself. Goldust cuts off the comeback attempt and hits an awkward slam into a hangman's neck breaker that Cole calls the Curtain Call, and that's good for three at 2:03. Tajiri continues to be treated like a geek. Goldust starts being weird with Torrie until Rob Van Dam runs out. He lays Goldust out with a heel kick and comes off the top with a Five-Star Frog Splash.Non-Title Match: Chris Jericho (Undisputed Champion) vs. Kane:
I'll always appreciate the "your punishment is wrestling Kane" trope, especially when we get to periods where he's losing most of the matches and they're against mid-level guys. Jericho gets the jump while the pyro goes off, but Kane quickly turns things around, sending Jericho running. Kane cuts him off, pulling him to the apron by the hair. Jericho hangs Kane up on the top rope and comes off the top with a missile dropkick. The smoke from the pyro must make it hard for the live audience to see. Kane catches Jericho diving off the ropes then sends him over the top rope. Jericho with another attempt to leave the ring, and again Kane cuts him off. Jericho with a belt shot, drawing the Disqualification at 1:46. Here comes Steve Austin, and he works over Jericho for a moment before celebrating with some cold ones.Mr. McMahon and Stephanie are backstage, rehashing some of the same material we heard from them earlier in the night. The Undertaker, looking a lot like "Mean" Mark from WCW, comes in and can't help but enjoy the quiet with the Rock out of the way. He promises to bust Maven up as Kurt Angle interrupts. He apologizes for knocking Stephanie down last week, because that was fully intended for Triple H. He promises to make Hunter suffer and shatter his dreams of becoming Undisputed Champion.
Triple H & Maven vs. Kurt Angle & The Undertaker:
Undertaker jumps Maven on the floor and Angle runs up the ramp to bring the fight to Triple H, who has barely made it to the ramp before the action begins. Taker sends Hunter into the ring, officially starting the match. Whip to the corner, Hunter gets the boot up and comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Taker cuts Hunter off with an elbow, but Hunter rolls away from an elbow drop and pounds away on Taker in the corner. Hunter blocks an inverted atomic drop but has no answer for a short clothesline. Angle tags in and puts the boots to Hunter. Whip to the corner is reversed by Helmsley and he takes Angle down with some face gouging. Whip and Hunter with a spine-buster for two. Taker in illegally to send Hunter to the floor and give him a taste of the ring steps. Maven wakes up from his coma and hits Angle with a spinning heel kick. Maven with a dropkick and a release German Suplex for two, despite Hunter clearly being the legal man. Taker gets on the apron in the opposite corner that his team started in.Angle cuts Maven off and holds him open for Taker to get a free shot. Taker taunts Hunter while Angle works Maven over on the floor. Back inside, Taker with an elbow drop but Hunter saves at two. Taker rolls snake eyes and comes off the ropes with a big boot. Angle misses the moonsault, but recovers in time to prevent a tag. Hunter comes in anyway and hits Angle with a DDT. Maven completes the slow crawl, making the hot tag to Triple H. He runs wild on Angle with clotheslines and pounds away on Undertaker with right hands. High knee to Angle and a neck breaker to Taker. Angle cuts him off with a knee to the midsection but a back body-drop is countered with a face-buster. Taker with a big boot to interrupt the Pedigree. Maven with a missile dropkick to Angle. Taker dumps Maven out and gives him the Last Ride through the announcer's table. Back in the ring, Angle with the German suplex series. Hunter blocks the third and we get heel miscommunication. Hunter sets up for the Pedigree on Taker, but Angle interrupts with a chair shot, drawing another Disqualification at 9:05. Angle continues the assault and Taker adds a Chokeslam. Ric Flair runs in to prevent Undertaker from braining Hunter with a chair and gets a big boot for his troubles. Taker teases a Last Ride on Flair, but Vince and Stephanie come out to make an announcement. Vince wants Flair to make it to No Way Out because it's on his conscience that the nWo will inflict the poison in the WWF. Oh, and Stephanie will be the special referee for Triple H vs. Kurt Angle at No Way Out. Match was fine, but ended up being meaningless fluff for the post-match announcement.
Final Thoughts: I cannot stand watching this Triple H/Stephanie rivalry. Hunter isn't an all-time awful babyface, but Stephanie has "turn off the TV" heat from me at this point, and there's nothing they can do to change my mind. I'll give the creative team credit, they're trying to make people care about Austin challenging Jericho at No Way Out. Austin's still a lame-duck challenger, but there's some momentum now after the match was made with the cheap "Austin won a mini-tournament" setup. Almost every segment had something to do with selling No Way Out, even if it meant a bunch of DQ finishes and rush job matches, but I'll take that over some of the recent TV coming out of the Royal Rumble.
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