WWE Smackdown!- Feb 8, 2013
-It’s been a while, so I’m going to check in on Smackdown for the hell of it.
-A cool looking bus pulls up to the arena. A nervous Big Show peeks his head out and berates the driver for hitting every pot-hole on the way there.
-From Jacksonville, FL. Our hosts are Josh Mathews and John Bradshaw Layfield.
-Big Show comes to the ring for a promo. He rants and raves about double standards in wrestling. Just because he isn’t popular, it’s okay for bad things to happen to him. Show insults the fans for cheering Alberto Del Rio’s criminal actions. He vows to win back his World Heavyweight Championship at Elimination Chamber. This goes on until Smackdown GM Booker T interrupts and calls Show a bully, but also notes that Del Rio has been suspended for tonight. Show wants to know who gave Del Rio his hotel room number on Raw and Booker suggests that at 7 feet tall, anyone could have found him there. Booker puts Show in a match against Kane. Smell the ratings!!
Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes
I like how they broke up the Rhodes Scholars just so Rhodes and Sandow could resume going nowhere as singles stars. Prove me wrong, WWE. The crowd heckles Cody over his hilarious mustache as Kofi delivers a monkey flip. Cody takes a spill to ringside and Kingston fakes him out on a dive. Kofi takes a bad spill into the turnbuckles, giving Rhodes the advantage. Kofi comes back with quick attacks and the Boom Drop. Flying cross body by Kofi gets 2. They block each other’s finishers. Disaster kick on the apron by Cody. Cross Rhodes finishes it at 3:28. Poor Kofi. This was fine for a 3 minute match.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
-Daniel Bryan apologizes to Kane for costing him a match on Raw. He’s willing to forgive Kane for returning the favor on Main Event. Bryan thinks he should be in Kane’s corner against Big Show tonight, seeing as he once pinned Show in 45 seconds for the World title. Kane loses his temper and tells Bryan to shut up. The only word he wants to hear from Bryan is “congratulations” after he beats Big Show.
-A lot of time is spent recapping the Brock Lesnar attack on Miz from Raw and Bruno Sammartino’s Hall of Fame announcement.
The Great Khali (with Natalya and Hornswoggle) vs. Titus O’Neil
Ugh, this better be short. Khali bats Titus around as Natalya swoons. O’Neil applies a front headlock. Head chop by Khali finishes this at 1:31. This was about 90 seconds too long.
Winner: The Great Khali
-Khali’s celebration is cut short by the returning Mark Henry. Henry pulls Titus to the floor and throws him into the barricade. Henry storms the ring and trades shots with Khali. Henry blocks the Punjabi Plunge and delivers the World’s Strongest Slam. I’m glad Henry is back but the thought of a feud with Khali makes me want to gag.
-Mark Henry is lingering in the ring after a commercial break. He shows footage of his triumphant return on Raw where he beat up Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara. Nobody has any questions for him because he has all the answers. He says Booker T made a big mistake by not calling him while gathering former World Champions for Elimination Chamber. If he isn’t given an explanation, he’s going to destroy the entire Smackdown roster. Booker T answers the call and says Henry’s ambushes aren’t impressing him. Henry warns that if Booker doesn’t make room in the Chamber for him, he’ll have to make room himself by injuring all the participants. Booker says Henry has to prove himself after a 9 month absence so if he can beat Randy Orton, he’ll get added to Elimination Chamber.
-Big Show berates his assistant for messing up his steak. He sends him into the bus to try again and to unclog the toilet. Show storms off and we see Alberto Del Rio lurking in the background.
Kane vs. Big Show
I can’t believe I’m about to review THIS match again. They trade punches and Kane scores with a pair of basement drop-kicks. Show shoves Kane into the ring steps to gain the advantage. Show nails a spear to send us to commercial. After the break, Show nails a Vader Bomb. A second bomb misses. A slugfest erupts and they both go for choke slams. Big DDT by Kane and the flying clothesline. Show delivers a big closed fist for the win at 3:38 (shown). This was awfully short to have a commercial in the middle. I digress, this wasn’t any good.
Winner: Big Show
-Alberto Del Rio appears on the Titantron with Show’s abused man-servant. The driver let Del Rio into the bus so he could make some “changes.” Show storms to the parking lot to find that the wheels are missing from the bus. Show’s reaction is actually pretty funny, he yells “How is this even possible!” Del Rio then dumps orange goo off the top onto Show. Del Rio rides off into the sunset as Show sobs.
Jack Swagger vs. Justin Gabriel
Swagger took a few months off to shake off the jobber stink he’d developed and is getting a big push out of the gate. Swagger knocks Gabriel off his feet with a hard clothesline. The Swagger Bomb connects but Gabriel rebounds with a springboard cross body. Swagger counters a springboard moonsault and drops Gabriel on the apron. Gut-wrench power bomb by Swagger and the “Patriot Act” ankle lock finishes it at 2:29. Credibility building win for Swagger here, I just wish they didn’t have to sacrifice Gabriel to get it.
Winner: Jack Swagger
Drew McIntyre (with Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal) vs. Tensai
Apparently Tensai is a face now, why not. The other 3MB members distract, allowing McIntyre to gain the early advantage. Tensai head butts his way into a comeback. The Baldo Bomb would have ended this but Mahal and Slater jump him for the DQ at 1:10. Brodus Clay runs in to save Tensai from the J.O.B. Squad. I suppose this served it’s purpose.
Winner via DQ: Tensai
-Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls invite Tensai to dance. I smell future Tag Team Champions.
United States Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Sin Cara
Ugh, Sin Cara still has mood lighting. Cesaro knocks Sin Cara off the ropes and delivers a power slam. Cesaro runs into the boots and Sin Cara delivers a somersault power bomb. Head scissors takedown by Sin Cara sets up a suicide dive. Cesaro counters by nailing Sin Cara with an uppercut in mid-air. The Neutralizer ends it at 2:16. That’s what Sin Cara gets for being Mexican.
Winner: Antonio Cesaro
-Randy Orton is interviewed backstage. He scoffs at Henry thinking he can come back after 9 months, take out a bunch of guys, and just get a title shot, but he’s going to hit a road block. Orton threatens to put Henry right back on the shelf.
-The Miz is interviewed about the attack he suffered at the hands of Brock Lesnar. Miz says he’s had a lot of tough battles but nothing compares to facing into the eyes of the monster. He’s interrupted by Antonio Cesaro, who’s amused that Miz is whining after he got what was coming to him. Miz answers by punching Antonio in the face. Referees have to stop them from brawling.
Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry
If Henry wins, he gets a spot in the Elimination Chamber match. Orton uses his speed advantage in the early going, but Henry answers with brute force. Orton counters to send Henry head-first into the ring post. Orton delivers repeated shots from the turnbuckle but Henry swats him to the floor. Henry applies a nerve pinch but Orton battles out for a quick comeback. Spike DDT by Orton but the RKO is blocked. Henry delivers a splash into the corner. The World’s Strongest Slam finishes it at 4:34. I must be imagining things. Orton must really be in the dog house if he’s losing prominent matches in under 5 minutes.
Winner: Mark Henry
-Henry stands tall as the show ends.
Final Thoughts: Smackdown has become a glorified Raw recap show. There was absolutely nothing here that I recommend you go out of your way to see. This was awful filler. Thumbs down.
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