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Prime Time Wrestling - February 25, 1991
by Scrooge McSuck
- Vince McMahon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan are our hosts in front of a live studio audience, with Lord Alfred Hayes acting as the studio MC. Vince is wearing an unusual outfit. I was expecting the standard zubaz, but really, what the hell is this? Have a look for yourself...
Anyway, with that visual abomination forever burned into my mind... we're promised that we'll see Ted Dibiase in action against Tugboat, Demolition versus the Legion of Doom, The Mountie and Jimmy Hart are here, and even the Eighth Wonder of the World, Andre The Giant, will be joining us in the studio. With so much to see, let's head into the first match.
Virgil (w/ Roddy Piper) vs. Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan & Ted Dibiase):
Pulled from an episode of Superstars. Dibiase is trying to use Haku to soften Virgil up for him, with WrestleMania a short four weeks away. These days, "softening" someone up usually requires double-duty, not a match a month in advance. Lockup to the corner, Virgil avoids a chop and unloads with rights. Whip across the ring, Virgil takes him over with a hip toss and knocks him to the floor with a clothesline. Back inside, Haku goes to the eyes, but Virgil blocks being rammed to the turnbuckle. Virgil with a side headlock and shoulder tackle. He tries it again, and ends up ten feet up the aisle. Dibiase and Piper have a shouting match in the meantime. Haku with a gut-wrench suplex and an inverted atomic drop. Haku with a suplex, but before he can go for a cover, Piper hops on the apron for a distraction. This buys Virgil time to recover, and he school boys Haku for the cheap three count at 3:39. ¾* Not much of a match, but more a means to further the bad blood between Dibiase and Virgil.
- Who doesn't love some vintage commercials? Watch an edited to hell version of the Blues Brothers on the USA Network, and buy some WWF Wrestling Buddies, from Tonka! Choose from Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, Macho King Randy Savage, and Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase! I'm pretty sure further releases included the LOD, Boss Man, and Jake Roberts, but don't quote me on that.
- From the pages of the WWF Magazine (and recycled from Superstars of Wrestling), here's UPDATE: The Hart Foundation will defend their Titles against the winners of a Tag Team Battle Royal, the Nasty Boys. Due to the happenings of that match, we have another match signed for WrestleMania VII: The Legion of Doom versus Power and Glory, thanks to Roma and Hercules illegally eliminating Hawk from the match after they had already been eliminated. We get short promos from both LOD and P&G, almost as long as the match itself.
Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Terrence Blaylock:
Commentary is in the hands of Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred, so either this is an exclusive squash for Prime Time, or they redubbed a syndication match just for the sake of it. Jake Roberts is scheduled to face the Model, Rick Martel, at WrestleMania VII, having tricked him into signing a contract that included the stipulation it would be a blindfold match. Martel cuts an inset promo, seething over the idea of having to be blindfolded and covering his beautiful face. Roberts with a back suplex and short-arm clothesline. DDT finishes at 1:06, with Roberts covering with a simple hand on the forehead. Post-match, Roberts gives Blaylock the Damien treatment.
- The Mountie and Jimmy Hart join the Prime Time Studio, with Mountie arriving via mule (or a half-pint horse, hard to see), instead of the black stallion dictated in his contract. The Mountie is scheduled to face Tito Santana at WrestleMania VII, and cuts a typically generic promo about how the Mountie always gets his man.
The Mountie (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Tom Landell:
Another exclusive Prime Time squash...maybe. Mooney and Hayes are back, but I see a "Wrestling Challenge" banner and screen graphic. The Mountie (Jacques Rougeau, openly acknowledged as such for about a week) has only been on TV for about a month at this point, and it seems like he's destined for a feud with the Big Boss Man. His entire act was being overly-obnoxious and attacking his fallen opponents post-match with his 1000-volt shock-stick (complete with ZAP sound-effects for taped appearances). Tito Santana with an inset promo about competing at every WrestleMania to date (and jobbing on almost all of them). Boring squash match ends with the Mountie hitting Landell with a double-choke slam and the Vulcan nerve pinch at 2:48. Post-match, Landell gets the ZAP treatment.
- Back in the studio, the interview hits a painful bump as Vince McMahon makes reference to a musical called 'Rose-Marie', which appears to have last been remade in 1954, but references the 1936 film. I guess This confirms that Vince is usually about 50 years behind the times. In another 20-years, he might watch Terminator and think it's the greatest movie nobody has ever seen. Vince brings out someone to play the role of Marie de Flor, played by Jeanette MacDonald. As soon as we see this young girl, Bobby Heenan quips "look at those McNuggets." Mountie has claimed to be multi-talented, so Vince puts him on the spot to sing. Mountie's death-glare says it all.
Mountie teases backing out on the offer, claiming to be unprepared for the situation... BUT, the Mountie can do anything. They have cue-cards handy, so Mountie calls McMahon's bluff. He gives the girl a spray of Binaca, insinuating something that I just can't quite grasp. Believe it or not, the Mountie, vile heel who mistreats and tortures opponents, joins in with the campy atmosphere and sings a duet with Ms. McNuggets. Very, very, poorly. The crowd boos and Mountie puts the blame on his female partner, who runs off "crying."
- WrestleMania VII Report, brought to us by "Mean" Gene Okerlund. The entire card looks to have taken shape, with the final matches added to the 14-match card being the LOD vs. Power and Glory, Tito Santana vs. The Mountie, The Rockers vs. Haku and the Barbarian, and Demolition vs. Tenryu and Kitao (part of a cross-promotion deal with Tenryu's SWS).
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine vs. Dino Bravo (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Pulled from an episode of Wrestling Challenge, which means we've got Gorilla and the Brain on commentary. Valentine turned face at the turn of the new year, and has waged war with his former Manager since. Dino Bravo is sputtering along until WrestleMania VII, and would only make sporadic appearances before his death in 1993. Valentine faces Earthquake at WrestleMania, so this feels like a stepping stone match for the Hammer. Bravo attacks from behind and puts the boots to him. Valentine reverses a whip and takes Bravo over with a back drop. Valentine with a hip toss and clotheslines, sending Bravo to the floor. Available this Tuesday, Bodybuilders Lifestyle Magazine! Back inside, Bravo connects with an inverted atomic drop. Bravo with a slam, but elbow drops miss. Valentine with an atomic drop and kicks to the leg. He sets up for the Figure-Four, but Earthquake does a slow run-in for the Disqualification at 2:54. ¼* Post-match, Quake and Bravo double-team Valentine until a mysterious masked man runs in and clears the ring. Another nothing match, but the real story here is who the hell was that masked man? Spoiler: Ed Leslie, a.k.a Brutus Beefcake, doing what is only known as the "run in man" gimmick, since it never went anywhere after a handful of timely saves.
- "Mean" Gene Okerlund is hanging around a local Toys ‘R' Us display, featuring the many, many, MANY items you could find not only in the WWF Merchandise Catalog, but now in a Toys ‘R' Us near you. They filmed quite a few of these, but this one features the Bushwhacker, shilling… and I'm not making this up, WWF Superstar Squirt-Heads. Not just of guys like Hogan and Warrior, but undercard acts like the Bushwhackers and Rockers (each sold separately). I'm not ashamed to say I probably would buy all that crap. Hell, I probably OWN a lot of that crap now. My life is a sad, sad story, I know.
Tugboat vs. "Million $ Man" Ted Dibiase:
Prime Time Exclusive, and once again with Mooney and Lord Alfred on hand. I'm pretty sure this was recycled for a Coliseum Video release. I want to say 2nd Annual Battle of the Superstars. Tugboat sure has fallen hard, quickly. Went from pushed as Hogan's best friend and Main Events to being a very large JTTS almost over-night. Dibiase attacks before the bell with chops. Tugboat comes back with a pair of clotheslines, sending Dibiase to the floor. Dibiase attacks from behind, but Tugboat no-sells it. Dibiase spends a lot of time on the floor, playing stay-away. He tricks Tugboat into giving chase and gives him some cheap blows. It's been all punchy-kicky so far. Whip to the ropes and Dibiase with a pair of clotheslines, followed by his signature fist-drop for a two count. Tugboat sends Dibiase to the post and pounds away. Whip to the corner and Tugboat uses his fat to punish Dibiase. Dibiase slaps on the Million Dollar Dream, but Tugboat rams him into the buckle to escape! Whip to the corner, Tugboat misses an avalanche, and Dibiase rolls him up for the three count at 6:46. DUD An absolutely nothing match.
- Vince McMahon brings up what happened at WrestleMania VI, concerning Bobby Heenan and Andre The Giant. Heenan tries to sell that everything is fine between himself and Andre, but Vince isn't so sure about that as we see clips of Andre putting a hurt on Heenan following their Tag Title loss to Demolition (Ax and Smash version). Vince reveals that a conversation was filmed in the bathroom via the Lava-Cam with Heenan saying he's going to slap Andre around. You think I'm kidding?
The Legion of Doom vs. Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji):
(Hawk & Animal vs. Smash & Crush)
I'm pretty sure this is pulled from an episode of Wrestling Challenge, but new commentary is dubbed over. As much as people want to fantasy book these two teams working together at WrestleMania… did anyone really like Crush? Ax and Smash was the team to face, not the "New" version. Demolition double-team Hawk behind the referee's back, but he quickly comes back with a diving shoulder tackle, followed by a jumping fist drop on Crush. He tries to run the ropes, but Smash pulls them down, causing Hawk to spill to the floor and give Fuji his opportunity to work in his token cheap shot with the cane. Crush with a back breaker and leg drop. Smash with a whip to the corner, followed by choking. Smash with a snap-mare and clubberin' blows. Whip to the ropes, and we get a double clothesline. Animal with the hot tag, cleaning house of both Demolition. Hawk dumps Crush and they go for the Doomsday Device, but Fuji knocks Hawk off for the Disqualification at 3:45. They try to give Fuji the Device, but Crush saves. LOD eventually clean house of Demolition, and that would be that for the LOD/Demolition program. * Not entirely awful and kept reasonably short.
- It's time to "Pick The Brain", a bunch of lame questions asked by the studio audience. The first question appears to be from one of the Rosetti Sisters. If you're going to use plants in the audience, don't use obvious ones. Heenan gives a bunch of one-liners, but the best part of the segment being the following exchange: 'How long have you been married?' "21 years." 'You realize on your wedding not, if you had killed her, you'd be out by now?' Seriously, how can anyone boo that response!? We continue to tease Heenan being afraid to see Andre The Giant later in the night.
Mr. Perfect (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Pez Whatley:
Perfect is the reigning Intercontinental Champion and is set to defend the Title against the Big Bossman at WrestleMania VII. It's always nice to see some familiar jobbers. Whip to the corner is reversed. Whatley with a hip toss take over, followed by a scoop slam and dropkick, sending Perfect to the floor to have a conference with Heenan. Back inside, Perfect with a knee to the midsection and clobbering blows. We get an inset promo, recorded earlier, from Perfect and Heenan. Perfect with a snap-mare and float-over neck snap. He takes the time to towel off before going back to dishing out a beating. Whatley surprises Hennig with a clothesline, followed by a shoulder tackle. The good fortune is short-lived, and the Perfect-Plex finishes at 2:34. Always cool to see guys like Whatley get at least a bit of offense when being used as complete scrubs.
- Back in the Studio, it's time for the arrival of Andre The Giant. Always nice to see people, especially Vince, referring to Andre as "Boss". There's a table set up with at least a dozen bottles of wine. Heenan is very reluctant to come within 10-feet of Andre, especially after finding out he was recorded saying derogatory things about him. We get some stock "french" music playing for their wine sampling. Getting shit-faced on prime time television equals ratings.
The British Bulldog vs. Mike Wallace:
We're scraping the bottom to pad out this two hour block. Bulldog is programmed with the Warlord, which might give you the idea of Worst Match of the Year candidates, but they surprisingly had very good chemistry. Did you know that Bodybuilding Lifestyles has a new issue coming out this Tuesday?! Well, check eBay and see if it's available for cheap. Bulldog stands tall on a shoulder tackle and goes to work on the arm. The Running Powerslam finishes at 1:31. Nothing to see here.
- There's a fire-breathing Dragon coming to the WWF!
- More with Vince, Heenan, and Andre. I can't hear Andre well, but apparently the bottle they are passing around is from Andre's own vineyard and calls it "La Feet Giant." He orders Heenan to take his shoes and socks off, using physical intimidation. There's what looks to be a kiddie pool nearby filled with grapes, and I'm sure we all know what is coming. We get some more stock music playing, with Andre ordering Heenan into the tub and to crush the grapes with his feet.
Sgt. Slaughter (w/ Gen. Adnan) vs. Dale Wolfe:
Slaughter is the reigning WWF Champion and is scheduled to defend the Title against Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania VII. It always felt weird to see the WWF Champion working on TV, especially against a scrub. Even though Dusty Rhodes is gone, Dale Wolfe still isn't allowed to change his name. Slaughter attacks before the bell, because you need all the edge you can get against the likes of Dale Wolfe. Slaughter with a slam and some sissy kicks. Slaughter with a stomach buster and forward suplex. He drops a pair of elbows across the back, and the Camel Clutch finishes at 1:26. Post-match, Slaughter continues to pummel Wolfe with a steel chair, then attacks a medic who's checking on Wolfe's condition. I guess this makes a squash match a bit more watchable.
- We wrap things up with Bobby Heenan being embarrassed further, forced to roll around in the grapes like a dog. I'd suggest Heenan call the cops for basically being forced against his will to do various things, but would you want to mess with Andre?
Final Thoughts: This era of Prime Time Wrestling is one curious case. It never knows what it's supposed to be. Sometimes it feels like a souped up version of Tuesday Night Titans, and at others it's like a mash-up of the weekend syndication shows. This time around, there's not a whole lot on exclusive matches. Heck, I think the only true exclusive is the stinker between Dibiase and Tugboat. The wrestling quality was mostly weak, but the studio segments were at times so bad that they were entertaining.
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