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WWE Money in the Bank
July 18, 2010
by Samoa Rowe
-From Kansas City, MO. Our hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker.
Smackdown Money in the Bank Ladder match:
IC Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Christian vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Matt Hardy vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kane vs. Big Show
It’s hard not to notice that the WWE mid-card of 2010 bears a strong resemblance to the WWE mid-card of 2012. That’s not good, for crying out loud, WWE, elevate someone! The match starts with the usual chaos of everyone brawling at once. Kane and Big Show clear the ring so they can rekindle their part-time rivalry. Big Show tries to climb, but the ladder breaks under him. Everyone teams up to put Big Show down. Hardy knocks McIntyre down by swinging a ladder. Christian prevents a Hardy victory and Kingston stops Rhodes. Ziggler knocks Kofi off and gets to the top only to be knocked off by Christian. Hardy and Christian show off their ladder match experience by dominating the field. Cody pushes Everyone seems bent on keeping Show and Kane down. Nobody seems overly fond of Drew McIntyre either, least of all Kofi, who puts Drew through the announce table with a Boom Drop off the ladder! Show prevents a Ziggler climb with a choke slam. Show and Kane resume their war. Show counters an attack from Hardy and Christian, splashing a ladder onto both men. Show has a hard time dragging his specially designed monster ladder into the ring. Show is finally ready to climb, but Rhodes attacks with a step ladder. Ziggler plants Rhodes, but is too slow to climb and Show is back up. Kofi springboards onto the ladder and DDT’s Big Show. Cody drop-kicks Kofi off and nails a Cross-Rhodes onto a ladder. Ziggler Zig-Zags Cody into the giant ladder! Show climbs the plus-size ladder but Kane pushes it over. Show gets buried under a pile of ladders at ringside. Way too many people try to climb at once and Kane swats them all down. Ziggler climbs over Kane and applies a sleeper! Kane counters and sends Ziggler onto the pile of ladders on Big Show. Kane choke slams Kofi on the pile and smashes Cody’s head into the armored truck near the stage. Kane returns to the ring and suffers a double power bomb from Hardy and Christian. They ladder vets knock each other off the top. McIntyre sneaks in and heads to the top. Kane meets Drew and dishes a choke slam and claims the case at 26:11! This was quite the unexpected outcome at the time. Sadly, this match was far too long and had way too much down time, **¾.
-Josh Mathews tries to interview WWE Champion Sheamus backstage. Mathews asks Sheamus about his surprise rescue of Cena from a Nexus attack. Sheamus explains that it donned on him that Nexus is a threat to everyone in WWE, including him. This doesn’t mean that Sheamus has any respect for Cena, he just wanted to make sure that Cena wouldn’t have any excuses after he loses to him in a steel cage tonight. Sheamus hates Cena because he always makes fun of his “beautiful Irish skin” and accent. Sheamus promises to give Cena a beating worse than any he’s suffered from Nexus.
Alicia Fox © vs. Eve Torres
I smell a train wreck. They lock up and Alicia holds on until Eve counters with a takedown. Eve looks for an early victory with a series of pin attempts. The crowd entertains themselves with a “Daniel Bryan” chant. Alicia counters, whipping Eve off the turnbuckles. Alicia drives Eve into the apron and pulls her back in by the hair. Alicia goes to work on the lower back. Eve counters with a monkey flip and forges a comeback. Eve’s back is too injured to deliver a suplex so she settles for a standing moonsault. Alicia blocks a somersault senton. The Axe Kick finishes it at 5:50. I’d like to formally apologize for predicting a “train wreck” as the work was pretty decent-ish. It’s too bad the match had zero heat, *.
Winner and still Divas Champion: Alicia Fox
-Video recap from Smackdown. Kane accused Jack Swagger of attacking the Undertaker. Swagger got the upper hand on Kane, but Rey Mysterio ran in for the save. Swagger’s poor old father was left behind to take a vicious Kane beating.
-Jack Swagger argues with his mother on the phone. She’s hysterical so he tells her to shut up. Swagger claims that his dad always lived vicariously through him so he got what he deserved for trying to steal the spotlight. This version of Swagger is about a thousand times more entertaining than that of Cole’s trainer or glorified jobber.
WWE Tag Team Championship:
Tyson Kidd and David Hart Smith © (with Natalya) vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso (with Tamina)
Smith starts against Jey Uso and goes after the arm. Power slam by Smith and Kidd tags himself in to prevent Jey from taking control. Smith is back in and gets cornered by the Usos. Smith counters with a slam and makes a lukewarm tag. Kidd cleans house until a blind Uso tag allows a double team Samoan Drop. Kidd counters a Samoan Splash and tags Smith. Tamina prevents a Sharpshooter. Natalya dispatches Tamina with a slam and the match breaks down. Smith makes an Uso submit to the Sharpshooter at 5:53. Short, but lively outing here, **.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions: David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd
World Heavyweight Championship:
Rey Mysterio © vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger shows immediate interest in Rey’s injured ankle. Rey saves himself with stiff head kicks. Swagger counters a springboard and sets up a tree of woe. Mysterio counters and nails a seated senton to the floor. Swagger rebounds with a belly to belly suplex off the turnbuckles. This gives Swagger the opening he needs to work over Rey’s ankle. Swagger botches a takedown to cut off a Rey hope spot. The Swagger bomb misses, giving Rey a comeback. Split-legged moonsault by Mysterio gets a 2 count. Wheelbarrow suplex by Swagger gets 2. Swagger counters into a gut-wrench power bomb, but Rey gets the ropes. They fight to the top and Mysterio counters with a tornado DDT! Swagger eats a 619 but counters into the ankle lock. Rey eats a couple of Swagger bombs. Rey counters the ankle lock by losing his boot. Rey rolls up Swagger for the pinfall at 10:41. This was a bit rough for my liking and a bit on the rushed side, **¼.
Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion: Rey Mysterio
-Rey celebrates in the ring and gets jumped by the sore loser, Jack Swagger. Rey taps out to the ankle lock and Kane runs in for the apparent save. Kane chases Swagger out of the arena and it appears that Rey has dodged a bullet and resumes celebrating. Sadly, Kane’s pyro blasts and the Big Red Machine returns with his Money in the Bank case and a referee. Kane cashes in!
World Heavyweight Championship:
Rey Mysterio © vs. Kane
Kane quickly catches Rey by the ankle and drives it into the mat. The choke slam and Tombstone Piledriver ends it at 0:51. For the first time in 12 years, Kane is a World champion! Not really a match, but a pretty cool moment.
Winner and new World Heavyweight Champion: Kane
-Edge is watching a monitor backstage and is approached by Chris Jericho. They bicker over who has the advantage tonight.
Layla © (with Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly (with Tiffany)
Kelly is upset over a recent sneak attack from LayCool and shows some fire in the early going. Layla eats some wild slaps and gets cornered. Kelly’s back handspring misses but she sneaks in a roll-up. Kelly kicks Layla to ringside but gets tripped up on the apron. Layla goes to work on Kelly’s leg. Layla inadvertently drop-kicks Kelly onto Mrs. Undertaker at ringside. Tiffany distracts, which leads to McCool dishing out a sneak attack. Kelly pushes Michelle off the guard rail for a rough landing. Back to the ring, Kelly mounts a comeback while the crowd chants “Daniel Bryan.” Michelle interferes again, prompting a double team attack from Kelly and Tiffany. Layla counters a sunset flip and gets the pin at 3:57. A lot can happen in 4 minutes. Good enough, *½.
Winner and still Women’s Champion: Layla
Raw Money in the Bank Ladder match:
Randy Orton vs. U.S. Champion The Miz vs. Mark Henry vs. Ted Dibiase (with Maryse) vs. John Morrison vs. Chris Jericho vs. Evan Bourne vs. Edge
Edge brings a ladder into the ring and quickly slides out, leaving his opponents to fight over it. The ring empties and Edge returns and sprints up the ladder. Orton stops Edge and they brawl to ringside. Everyone takes turns fighting over the ladder. Bourne climbs and counters Edge with a head scissors off the ladder. Orton nails Bourne with a spike DDT off the ladder. Morrison attacks Orton but loses his balance and falls into the ladder. Miz and Dibiase form a short-lived alliance and Morrison directs their skulls into a propped ladder. Morrison and Edge battle at the top and Jericho sets a second ladder up to meet them. Orton joins Jericho at the top. The four men reach for the ladder until Henry pushes both ladders over! Bourne catapults himself into Henry! Everyone is down, so Maryse takes her shoes off and enters the ring. Maryse climbs the ladder! Morrison puts her in a fireman’s carry and gently puts her down, giving Dibiase an opening to sneak up. Morrison foils Dibiase but eats a ladder, courtesy of Miz. Morrison leap frogs onto a ladder, climbs onto a second ladder, swings onto the standing ladder, and knocks Edge down! Edge pulls Morrison through a step and drives a second ladder onto him (with help from Miz). Edge knocks the ladder with Morrison stuffed into the middle over. Dibiase places an upside down ladder and props a third ladder against it. Dibiase climbs, but Henry catches him with the World’s Strongest Slam. Henry dominates and climbs with Bourne clinging to his back. Henry gets pulled down, leaving Bourne to reach for the case. Orton tosses Bourne to Henry for a slam at ringside. Henry eats finishes at ringside and appears to be finished. Five guys try to climb one ladder at once. Dibiase props a fourth ladder up as a bridge and joins the fray. Orton shoves Dibiase and the ladder of the ropes! Jericho and Morrison duke it out at the top. Bourne sneaks in a SSP on Orton, while Jericho gets trapped in the steps. Bourne has the case but Jericho recovers. Jericho knocks Bourne down with the case! Edge prevents a Jericho victory and Orton sneaks in for an RKO on Y2J. Orton shoves Edge into the upside down ladder in sickening fashion! Miz shoves Orton off the ladder and gets the case himself at 20:21. A few creative spots elevate this one, but this mostly followed the formula of two guys fighting while everyone else is down, ***.
Winner: The Miz
-Miz grabs a mic and gloats about his victory.
WWE Championship (Steel Cage match):
Sheamus © vs. John Cena
These two have been uneasy allies as of late in a war against the Nexus. Sheamus is still eager to ram Cena’s head into the cage walls. Cena scores with a clothesline but is unable to use the wall. Sheamus bounces Cena’s skull into the cage for a 2 count. Cena throws some rapid fire offense but Sheamus regains control. Cena’s five moves of doom are cut off when Sheamus ducks and Cena shoulder tackles the wall. Sheamus is as bored with beating up Cena as I am watching it and tries to climb out. Cena meets Sheamus for a superplex. Sheamus blocks the Attitude Adjustment and nails a DDT for 2. Sheamus continues his methodical beat down and cuts Cena off with a sleeper. I feel like I’m about to fall asleep. Cena powers up the wall (while trapped in the sleeper) but Sheamus knocks him back down. Cena hangs Sheamus up on the ropes and they both go down. Cena dishes out his routine comeback but Sheamus uses the cage to block the AA. Cena drops Sheamus and decides to go for a flying Five Knuckle Shuffle, rather than winning the match. Sheamus blocks, leaving Cena looking like a doofus once again. Sheamus ties Cena in the ropes for a convenient beating. Sheamus climbs over Cena and looks to escape, but Cena prevents it. Top rope bulldog by Cena gets 2. Sheamus counters with the Irish Curse backbreaker. The Brogue Kick only gets a 2 count. Cena hits the AA, but Sheamus kicks out. Cue the Nexus run-in! Michael Tarver has a bolt cutter, but the referee easily takes it away. The second referee tosses the cage’s key into the crowd. Meanwhile, the referee in the cage takes a bump and doesn’t see Sheamus tap out to Cena’s STF. Cena looks to escape the cage, but the Nexus prevents it from happening. Sheamus escapes first and retains at 22:55. Holy crap, this was a long, boring, heatless cookie cutter of a main event, complete with a BS finish. Talk about a waste of time, *½.
Winner and still WWE Champion: Sheamus
-John Cena gets a measure of revenge by beating up Justin Gabriel, whom he’d previously tossed off the top of the cage. Michael Tarver suffers the wrath of Cena as well.
Final Thoughts: It took me three months to finish reviewing this show, it was that dull and insignificant. The Miz gets a star-making moment, but that’s not enough to warrant a recommendation. Thumbs down.
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