WWE Judgment Day - May 18, 2003
My memory tells me that this is one of the worst WWE
pay-per-views of the modern era. Let's see if it holds
up (or down; depending on your point of view).
-The show opens with Stone Cold Steve Austin coming
out to the ring. This is undoubtedly to give the fans
something to be happy about. Austin was the new co
General Manager of Raw at this point, since his neck
was too messed up to continue wrestling. Austin takes
a microphone and sucks up to the audience. This is
screaming "please don't be quiet through our shitty
card tonight." Austin is going to watch the show in
the skybox, and drink beer and raise hell in the
process. This is the most alive I expect the crowd to
be all night.
Chris Benoit, Rhyno, and Spanky vs. John Cena, Chuck
Palumbo, and Johnny Stamboli (with Nunzio)
Hey, this match could have been really awesome.
However, I bet the entrances take more time than the
actual match. The faces chase the FBI and Cena from
the ring. Spanky flips over the ropes and lands on the
evil doers. Spanky and Cena start the match off, and
Cena aggressively grounds and pounds the smaller star.
Spanky fights back with some punches and a nice
enziguri. Cena rolls out to ringside, and the FBI
double team Spanky. Palumbo is the legal man now, but
quickly tags in Stamboli. Less than two minutes into
the match and Spanky is the "face in peril." Palumbo
puts Spanky in a bear hug, because we all know that
this three minute match needed a rest hold. Palumbo
goes for a cover, but Spanky courageously kicks out.
And we are back to the bear hug. Spanky is feisty and
fights out of the hold. Palumbo drops Spanky with a
good looking clothesline, but Spanky hits a leg
scissors and tags in Benoit. Benoit cleans house, and
hits a couple of Germans on Cena and Palumbo. Benoit
is on a roll and heads to the top rope. Benoit hits
the head butt on Palumbo. Nunzio runs in and gets
gored by Rhyno. Back to the legal men, Spanky makes a
blind tag to hit Cena with a flying dropkick. Spanky
goes for the Sliced Bread #2, but it is blocked. The
FBI hit the "Kiss of Death" and Palumbo pins Spanky at
3:57. What the hell was that? Rhyno was never even
tagged in. They were able to do a lot with the small
amount of time they had, so ½*.
Winners: John Cena, Chuck Palumbo, and Johnny Stamboli
-Now its time for the reason why that match was so
short. The first in a long series of "hilarious"
Austin and Bischoff sky box segments begins. Bischoff
insists on having a share of all of Austin's beer and
food. Austin hands Bischoff the hot dog he was eating,
and Bischoff doesn't trust it. How can anyone not
trust Austin? The next couple of minutes are devoted
to Austin pressuring Bischoff into drinking.
Scott Steiner and Test (with Stacy Kiebler) vs Sylvain
Grenier and Rene Dupree
I was dreading this one. Test starts off against
Dupree. Dupree shows off the French Tickler in the
early going, which only pisses Test off. Test corners
Dupree and knocks the taste out of an interfering
Grenier. Tag is made to Freakzilla. Steiner hits a
pathetic kick and chops the French Phenom into the
corner. Steiner proceeds in destroying both La
Resistance members. Dupree reverses and Irish Whip and
hangs Steiner up on the ropes. On the outside, Grenier
backs Steiner into the apron and sends a helpless
Freakzilla back into the ring for a hungry Rene
Dupree. La Resistance gets a double suplex in on
Steiner, which almost gets them the victory. Up next
is the patented rest hold! This earns some "USA"
chants. Steiner predictably fights out, but Grenier
keeps control. Grenier hits a nice clothesline off the
middle turnbuckle. Dupree is tagged in and jumps off
the top rope toward Steiner. Steiner botches catching
Dupree and turning it into a suplex. Test is tagged
back in, and he cleans house on the French idiots.
Test suffers a full nelson slam. Where was this
moveset in later La Resistance matches? Dupree and
Grenier double team Test, but it fails miserably.
Steiner gets a suplex in one Dupree, allowing Test to
go after Dupree. Test has a cover, but the referee was
busy getting Steiner out of the ring. Dupree dropkicks
Test into Stacy on the apron, who falls into the arms
of Steiner. Needless to say, Test is pissed. He
becomes an easy target for La Resistance. Steiner
comes in for the save, but suffers a big boot (by
accident) from Test. La Resistance hits the Black Jack
on Steiner, and this earns them the victory at 6:18.
This wasn't too bad, with La Resistance pulling out
some good stuff, but the Test/Steiner/Stacy stuff was
Winners: Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier
-Backstage, Hulk Hogan is hanging out as Mr. America.
Ace reporter, Gregory Helms, has questions for Mr.
America. Sources say Mr. America is really Hulk Hogan,
whats up wit dat? Mr. America's sources tell him that
under Helm's suit is the body of a super hero, named
The Hurricane. What's up with that? Fun segment.
-Meanwhile, Eddie Guerrero is standing by with Josh
Matthews. Eddie's partner, Chavo, is injured, so
tonight he will face Team Angle in a ladder match with
his special partner, Tajiri!
Ladder match for the WWE Tag Team Championship:
Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas © vs Eddie Guerrero
This looks like our best shot at a good match tonight.
Eddie and Tajiri are wearing Kurt Angle's medals,
which they stole a few weeks earlier. Team Angle cuts
the heroes off on the way in. Tajiri and Haas end up
in the ring, with Tajiri in control. Benjamin whips
Eddie into a ladder outside and runs in to help Haas.
Team Angle double team Tajiri. Meanwhile, Eddie gets
to his feet and returns to the ring. Benjamin takes
the fight to Eddie, keeping him off his feet. Benjamin
lifts Eddie up and drops him on the knee of Charlie
Haas. Team Angle takes the opportunity to grab a
ladder. Eddie tosses Tajiri over the ropes, but Tajiri
doesn't clear it and barely connects on Team Angle.
Eddie dives off the top turnbuckle, saving the flow of
the match. Team Angle keeps control and sets up the
ladder in the ring. They foolishly both climb up the
ladder, Tajiri handsprings across the ring, knocking
the ladder over. Tajiri and Eddie kick the ladder into
Benjamin's face. They set the ladder up between Haas's
legs, and drop kick it into the pride of Charlie Haas.
Tajiri and Eddie go for another ladder under the ring.
Eddie sets Haas up on the ladder and place the other
on over him as a sandwich. Eddie flings over the
ropes, landing back first on the ladder. That was
brave of Eddie. Tajiri sets the ladder back up and
climbs for the belts. Benjamin pulls Tajiri down.
Benjamin goes up the ladder, but gets dropkicked off
by Eddie. Benjamin hits the T-Bone on Eddie into a
ladder on the corner turnbuckle. Benjamin sets the
ladder up against the ropes and slams Tajiri into.
Haas holds Tajiri still, while Benjamin climbs up the
ladder and leapfrogs over Haas to hit Tajiri in the
spot of the match! That earned a ½* right there alone.
Haas climbs up the ladder, but Eddie pushes it over.
Eddie and Benjamin go at it, and it results in Eddie's
back being forced into a ladder propped up between the
ropes. Tajiri kicks the ladder and it smacks Benjamin
in the face. Tajiri has done a good job of using the
ladders as extensions of his vicious kicks. Tajiri
takes down Haas and Benjamin with the ladder. Tajiri
locks Haas into the Tarantula, though it gets broken
up by Benjamin and a ladder. Meanwhile, Eddie is back
up, but gets overwhelmed by Team Angle. Haas looks
lost holding a ladder, so he drops it to use his
technical prowess on Guerrero. Eddie monkey flips Haas
into the ladder that Benjamin was holding. Eddie
suplexes Benjamin out of the ring, and follows it up
by removing Haas. Eddie sets the ladder up and the
crowd goes nuts. Haas and Benjamin rush back in, and
Eddie fights his way up the ladder. Eddie hits the
Frog Splash on Benjamin from the top of the ladder!
Crap, I am enjoying this one a lot more than I
remembered. Haas struggles to climb the ladder, and
Eddie rushes up to join him. Both men get to the top
and exchange shots. Eddie hits a sunset powerbomb from
the top of the ladder on Haas! Eddie tries to climb up
the ladder again, but Benjamin catches him. Tajiri
climbs up the other side and spits the green mist into
Benjamin's eyes! Eddie finally manages to get the
titles down for the win at 14:16! A couple of botches
aside, this match was pretty damn good, ***.
Winners and NEW WWE Tag Team Champions: Eddie Guerrero
-Back in the skybox, Austin gives praise to the ladder
match. He continues to egg Bischoff on about drinking
beer. Austin declares that Bischoff drinks beer like a
sissy and that if Bischoff doesn't start drinking
properly, he will launch him out of the skybox.
-Terri Runnels is standing by with Chris Jericho.
Jericho thinks his chances of walking away with the
Intercontinental Championship are excellent tonight.
Roddy Piper interrupts and mocks Jericho. Jericho
tells Piper that he took a wrong turn and that the
senior citizens hall is down the road. Piper tells
Jericho that he did a good job of ripping Piper's Pit
off with the Highlight Reel. Jericho pokes fun at
Piper's weight. Piper implies that Jericho is a
bastard. This just fires both of them up, as Jericho
is convinced he will win the IC title in the battle
royal and Piper will beat Mr. America. This was
another fun segment.
-The Intercontinental Championship is given a touching
video package. This, of course, means the following
match will be a bunch of horse crap. Pat Patterson
will be at ringside to crown the new Intercontinental
Battle Royal for the Intercontinental Championship:
Val Venis vs Chris Jericho vs Goldust vs Lance Storm
vs Rob Van Dam vs Christian vs Test vs Kane vs Booker
This was the return of the Intercontinental
Championship after many months of absence. The
participants are all former IC Champions, except
Booker T, who was allowed in because he was really
over at the time. The big reason why the Raw card of
this pay-per-view was so depleted was because the
entire mid to upper card was in this match. The match
starts off slow, as Kane and RVD are the only two
doing anything. This sparks all the participants going
after Kane. They all try to eliminate Kane, but he
throws them all off at once. Kane cleans house and
eliminates Lance Storm in the process. RVD takes Kane
down with a dropkick, so everyone tries to eliminate
Kane again? and it works this time. Kane comes back in
to beat them up for revenge. Kane chokeslams the life
out of Test, Val Venis, and his tag partner RVD.
Meanwhile, Booker T eliminates Test, and Goldust
eliminates Val Venis. Christian tosses RVD over the
ropes, but he hangs on. A dropkick from Jericho
finishes off RVD. We're already down to the final four
before the three minute mark. Goldust corners Jericho,
and hits an off the turnbuckle clothesline on
Christian. Jericho and Christian team up against
Booker T and Goldust. Goldust hits a double bulldog on
Jericho and Christian, and sets up Christian for the
Golden Globes. Booker does the same to Jericho, so
Goldust takes advantage and nails both Canadians
between the legs. Booker T takes the time for the
spinarooni! Hurray! Goldust tries to eliminate Booker,
but its reversed and Booker sends Goldust flying.
Jericho and Christian double team Booker T. Christian
holds Booker still so Jericho can jab him. The evil
Canadians try to eliminate Booker, who bravely holds
on to the ropes. Booker fights back and sends Jericho
over the ropes. Jericho skins the cat and blindsides
Booker T. Jericho goes for the lionsault, but
Christian shoves him over the ropes! Jericho is
outraged! Now we are down to the final two: Christian
and Booker T. They fight back and forth for a few
minutes. Christian goes to dropkick Booker's face, but
he moves out of the way and Christian's feet slide
through the ropes and get the referee in the face! A
ref bump in a battle royal? Whatever. Soon after,
Booker T eliminates Christian and his music plays and
everything! However, Christian grabs the IC title from
Patterson by force. Christian nails Booker T with the
belt! The referee wakes up just in time to see
Christian tossing Booker T over the ropes. The crowd
is chanting "Goldberg" which is funny since Goldberg
wasn't booked for this show for some reason. Anyways,
the referee gives Christian the win and the
Intercontinental Championship at 11:46. The crowd is
pissed. I don't blame them either. This had it's
moments, but it was way too long, *3/4.
Winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Christian
Next up is the Sable vs Torrie Wilson bikini
challenge! I am going to go ahead and skip this. You
know the drill, Torrie wins, Sable gets mad, and they
have a cat fight.
-Back in the skybox, Austin is drenching Bischoff with
beer. Oh the hilarity.
-Elsewhere, Sean O'Haire has to calm Piper down. Piper
is mad at Jericho, but at least Jericho didn't win the
IC title. Vince McMahon comes in and shakes hands.
McMahon is proud he chose Piper to be the one to
unmask Mr. America.
Mr. America (with Zach Gowen) vs Roddy Piper (with
Welcome back to WCW! Actually, if this were WCW 2000
it would have been Hogan against O'Haire, with Hogan
probably no selling everything O'Haire did and making
him job. I find it hilarious that this match was
featured on pay-per-view as recently as 2003. Oh yeah,
Mr. America is blatantly Hulk Hogan. Before the bell,
Piper and O'Haire jump Hogan. Piper is in terrible
ring shape here. O'Haire takes cheap shots at Hogan
behind the referee's back. Piper tries to slam Hogan's
head into the turnbuckles, but Hogan blocks and
repeatedly slams Piper's stupid head into the padding.
Hogan lifts his mask up and bites Piper. Hey, Vince
didn't need Piper to unmask Mr. America, Mr. America
did it himself! The referee plays with his hands while
O'Haire pulls Hogan out and beats him up a bit. Piper
drags Hogan back into the ring and takes the weight
belt. Piper is whipping Hogan, and the referee is okay
with this. Hogan takes his belt back and whips it
across the back of Piper. This is sickly entertaining.
Piper puts Hogan into a sleeper hold. The crowd chants
"USA" to try and revive Mr. America. Hogan
dramatically fights out of the hold after several
seconds. Piper clubs the back of Hogan, and retains
control. This doesn't last, as its time for Hogan to
"hulk up." Hogan blocks Piper's punches and hits the
big American boot! Vince McMahon comes out,
distracting Hogan. Piper hits a low blow and goes for
a full nelson! O'Haire runs in with a steel pipe, but
Hogan ducks and O'Haire hits Piper on accident. Hogan
hits the all American leg drop and gets the victory at
4:53. This match was hilariously awful, DUD.
Meanwhile, Zach Gowen tackles Vince to keep him from
Winner: Mr. America
World Heavyweight Championship: Triple H © (with Ric
Flair) vs Kevin Nash (with Shawn Michaels)
Triple H and Nash are enemies because Nash didn't
approve of Triple H bullying Shawn Michaels. I'm a
little scared at how over Nash is with this live
crowd. Michaels and Flair can't contain themselves and
start brawling immediately. Ditto for Nash and Triple
H. They start a brawl at ringside before the bell can
even ring. Nash whips HHH into the steel steps. Nash
tosses HHH into the ring and the match is finally
underway. Nash corners HHH with some knee thrusts. Did
I mention that 2003 was not Triple H's year? Nash hits
a back body drop on HHH and chases him out of the
ring. Triple H is wearing ugly purple tights. Damn,
Triple H sucked in 2003. Nash tosses HHH back into the
ring, and HHH quickly runs into a big boot from Big
Lazy. Nash hits a scoop slam and an elbow drop.
Amazingly, Nash has not torn any muscles in his legs
yet. Nash hits another elbow drop, probably because he
doesn't know how to do anything else. Triple H rakes
Nash in the eyes and tosses the referee to the side.
Nash clotheslines The Game. Triple H comes back with a
swinging neckbreaker and starts selling as if the
match has been underway for 40 minutes. Nope, it only
feels like 40 minutes. Triple H hits some punches on
Nash, that Triple H sure knows how to tell a story.
Nash drops HHH back to the mat and mounts The Game.
Nash shoves the referee out of the way. The ref pulls
Nash by the hair to separate him from HHH. Both men
have shoved the referee now, they must really hate
each other, or something. HHH accidentally
clotheslines the referee while aiming for Nash. Nash
no sells a punch, so Triple H kicks Nash right in the
jimmy! Triple H, being the devious bastard he is,
removes the padding from the top turnbuckle. He tries
to drive Nash into the bare steel, but Nash counters.
Nash gets a sidewalk slam in on the Cerebral Assassin,
and resumes his should thrusts and another big boot.
Nash pushes the refere out of the way, but it only
allows HHH to smash him into the turnbuckle. Triple H
hits the pedigree. Nash kicks out of the cover
attempt! Wowsers! Triple H goes for another pedigree,
but Nash counters and removes The Game over the ropes.
Triple H grabs his trusty sledgehammer. The referee
tries to stop him, so Triple H nails him with it! This
brings on the disqualification at 7:51! Nash and
Triple H continue to brawl, but this match was bloody
awful. -*. Nash eventually powerbombs Triple H through
the announce table.
Winner by DQ: Kevin Nash
-Back in the skybox, Eric Bischoff is so sick from
beer and food that he vomits through the window of the
skybox, right on some fans. That is pretty symbolic to
what WWE did to their paying customers with this show.
Women's Championship: Jazz © (with Theodore R. Long)
vs Jacqueline vs Victoria (with Steven Richards) vs
Hey, they didn't edit out Victoria's music for once!
"All The Things She Said" is here in its entirety, so
I mark out a bit. Chaos starts the match off, and it
comes down to just Jacky and Trish. They tie up and
Jacky arm drags Trish to the mat. This is some fine
wrestling. Jazz pulls Trish out and attacks Jackie.
Meanwhile, Victoria pushes Trish into the ring post.
Victoria goes back to the ring, but gets caught by
Jazz. Jazz is dominating the match. Jazz asks "who's
the bitch?" Trish is pissed and jumps Jazz. Trish gets
a nice clothesline in and a near fall. Jazz blocks the
Chick Kick and puts Trish in an STF. Jacky puts
Victoria in a half crab! The referee is a bit
overwhelmed. Trish gets to the ropes, so Jazz breaks
up Jacky's half crab. Jazz puts Victoria in the STF,
but its broken up by Trish. Jazz hits a jawbreaker on
Trish and some chops. Trish fires back, but cannot
intimidate Jazz. Trish hits the Chick Kick, but Jazz
kicks out of a cover. Meanwhile, Jacky was fighting
off Victoria and Steven Richards. They return to the
ring. Trish takes Victoria and Jazz down with head
scissors. Victoria counters the Stratusfaction by
tossing Trish to ringside. Jacky counters the Widow's
Peak from Victoria, but Jazz breaks up the cover
attempt. Jazz hits a big time DDT on Jacky and pins
for at 4:48 to retain the title! This was a lot of
fun, wish it had gone longer since all four women were
on the top of their games, **.
Winner and STILL Women's Champion: Jazz
Stretcher match for the WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar
© vs Big Show
This was a rather goofy idea for a main event. The
goal of this match is to put your opponent on a
stretcher and push him over a line by the entrance
stage. Right away, Big Show swings a stretcher at
Lesnar. Lesnar ducks and takes the stretcher himself.
He knocks Big Show over the head with it, sending Big
Show to ringside. Lesnar continues to use the
stretcher as a weapon in awesome fashion. Big Show
fights back using his overwhelming strength. Big Show
tries to drive Brock's head into the stretcher, but
Lesnar counters and Big Show gets the full blow. Brock
takes the real stretcher (the one on wheels) and
pushes it into Big Show's head. Big Show lifts Lesnar
up over his head and drops him on the real stretcher.
Lesnar is in big trouble! The action spills back into
the ring, and Lesnar corners Big Show with his
shoulder thrusts. Big Show catches Lesnar with a big
Chokeslam from hell! Three minutes in and this match
is freaking sweet. Big Show sets Lesnar up on the fake
stretcher and drops a leg on him. Lesnar sells it like
death. Big Show fetches a real stretcher and sets it
up at ringside, to try and wheel the champion out.
With Lesnar on the stretcher, Big Show starts wheeling
him out. Lesnar kicks Big Show in the face while on
the stretcher, so Big Show clotheslines him onto the
floor! Big Show nails Brock with the stretcher over
the head. Lesnar tries to fight back, but Big Show's
size makes it hard. Lesnar whips the stretcher into
Big Show's back several times! Brock takes some cables
and chokes Big Show with them! Brock tries to put a
stretcher back together. He lowers it so he won't have
to lift Big Show higher than he has to. The stretcher
is too small for Big Show, but he gets him on it.
Brock tries to pull Big Show back, but the cable is
stuck on Big Show's leg. Brock pulls so hard that the
stretcher flings from under Big Show in dramatic
fashion. Big Show chases after Lesnar, who pulls
himself up on the stage display and tackles Big Show.
Lesnar lifts up Big Show and scoop slams him onto the
stretcher. Big Show gets up, and Lesnar pushes the big
stretcher back into Show. Show reverses the momentum
and backs Lesnar into the apron, driving the stretcher
into his ribs. Big Show drives Lesnar's spine into the
ring post and pulls out another stretcher from under
the ring. Show cracks the stretcher over Lesnar's
back. Lesnar soon tackles Big Show off the apron and
onto a stretcher! Big Show bounces off of the
stretcher and hits the ground hard. I must say, this
match has been seriously underrated in history. Brock
has a change of game plan and heads out of the arena.
Big Show is confused and climbs back into the ring.
Suddenly, Rey Mysterio's music hits (Big Show injured
Rey a month earlier at Backlash). Rey is in the ring
and hits the 619 on Big Show! Soon enough, Big Show
drops Rey with a closed fist. Before anything else can
happen, Brock drives back out in a forklift! He parks
it at ringside and climbs to the top of it. Brock
dives off the forklift, over the ropes, and takes down
Big Show! Lesnar is fired up and aggressively destroys
Big Show with a vertical suplex! Brock hits a huge F-5
on Show, establishing that Big Show is dead. Brock
sets a small stretcher up on a pallet on the forklift.
Lesnar drags Big Show onto the forklift. Lesnar drives
the forklift over the line, with Big Show raised up
high into the air in an unforgettable visual. Lesnar
has retained the title at 15:38! This match was a
surprisingly great brawl with a unique and surreal
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar
The show ends with Lesnar posing with the
championship, to a huge pop from the audience.
Final thoughts: This show isn't quite as despicable as
I remember it, with the saving grace coming from
Smackdown's ladder match and stretcher match. The rest
of this show is pretty pathetic, which was really sad
considering the talent pool WWE had at the time. Even
though there are two good matches, I cannot recommend
this show in good conscience.
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