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WWE Main Event - April 15, 2014
by Scrooge McSuck
- Hey look, it's the time of year where dead-beats and lazy people wait until the last minute to turn in their tax returns. Irwin R. Schyster would be greatly disappointed. I filed months ago and already spent my returns on a bunch of crap (Video Game and Rasslin' related, of course). Now that the obligatory "Tax Deadline" joke has been made, let's carry on...
- We're in Asheville, NC, with Byron Saxton and Tom Phillips calling the action, unless otherwise noted. Have I mentioned this was presented LIVE, exclusively on the WWE Network? Well, it was. Now you know.
Los Matadores (w/ El Torito) vs. 3MB:
(Diego & Fernando vs. Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre)
Why don't we ever get the "one half of a team" matches more often these days? Mahal gets talk-time before the match... zuh?! They have their own mascot... and it's Hornswoggle dressed as a member of 3MB. So they're 2-1/2MB. I guess that's a Twitter angle, too. Mahal starts with Fernando. Mahal celebrates after a headlock and shoulder tackle. Diego comes in with a dropkick. Leg sweeps McIntyre like we're in Mortal Kombat. Springboard body press for two. Hornswoggle with a distraction, allowing McIntyre to take over. Torito and Hornswoggle get in the ring for a Midget Fight, then roll over the referee... I'm sure the ref' wishes he were in the Atittude Era when Torrie and Stacy did that. The bell rings at 2:30 as Mahal runs nut-first into the head of Diego. Hornswoggle returns the favor to Fernando. Then Torito does it to McIntyre, leaving the midgets alone. They have a pose-off, a spot that Torito and Heath Slater usually do. Torito stands tall as both teams hold back their little "mascots." What a trainwreck. No rating, since it never had a chance to get going.
- Bolieve in Yourself!
Sin Cara 2.0 vs. "Bad News" Barrett:
It's about time Barrett became a regular in-ring performer on WWE Television. Unfortunately, no cape for him to throw on the way to the ring. He's got some bad news for Sin Cara (cheap pop): He's about to step in the ring with the next Intercontinental Champion, and his friend Scooby-Doo can't help because "this isn't a cartoon". Barrett pounds away to the start as the crowd starts a mild "Bad News Barrett" chant. Sin Cara sends him to the floor and follows with a suicide dive. Back inside, Barrett crotches Sin Cara along the top turnbuckle and goes back to the clubberin'. Pumphandle Slam gets a two count. Sin Cara comes back with a body press and sloppy head scissors. Handspring elbow gets two. Sin Cara with an enziguri, but a senton misses. Barrett with the Winds of Change, and the Bull-Hammer finishes things at 3:29. *1/2 Too short to really go anywhere, but it was energetic. Barrett deserves a solid push, so hopefully he won't fall back into his pattern of constantly jobbing like his other nine aborted pushes.
- We go back to Monday Night Raw and the Farewell Tribute to the Ultimate Warrior. For more on that, go ahead and check out the recap of Monday Night Raw from yours truly.
Diva's #1 Contender's Battle Royale:
(Participants: Nikki Bella, Naomi, Cameron, Emma, Tamina Snuka, Alicia Fox, Aksana, Eva Marie, Layla, Natalya)
Winner faces the new Diva's Champion Paige at Extreme Rules. Where'a A.J.'s return match!? I'm pulling for Tamina in this case. Or Aksana. Did I mention Layla smells like Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Eva Marie is gone first, courtesy Layla at 0:36. Emma locks the Dillemma on Aksana, but ends up being dumped by Nikki Bella at 1:06 while trying to skin the cat. Nikki dumps Aksana seconds later. Layla blows a body press and gets tossed by Natalya at 1:31. The camera misses Tamina laying out Nikki with a Superkick. Naomi with the Rear-View on Alicia Fox. Tamina scoops Naomi up with a Samoan Drop, and tosses her at 2:10. Cameron tries to gain revenge and gets sent on her ass (literally) at 2:26. Tamina uses Nikki as a battering ram to eliminate Fox at 3:03, then tosses Nikki out at 3:07. Nattie is hanging in there from the apron, only to get superkicked off at 3:15, giving the win and title shot to Tamina. No Rating since I can't fairly judge a Battle Royale with stars, but it was pretty ugly.
- Adam Rose is always having a good time on the Exotic Express.
- We recap the Shield's 11-on-3 Handicap Match in the Main Event of Raw, and the destruction caused by the official reformation of Evolution (sans the guy looking for other people to pick up the bar tab). You can read my thoughts on the whole thing in this week's random recap of Monday Night Raw.
Big Show vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter):
Why isn't this the opening match?! Big Show was last seen on Raw KO'ing Damian Sandow for reasons unknown, while Swagger lost in the 1st Round of the Intercontinental Title Contendership Tournament to Sheamus. Colter has a "Deport Cesaro" and "I Don't Miss The Swiss" sign this week. Cute. Are we going to get a rare Heel vs. Heel match on PPV... er... WWE Network Specials? I'm all for it. Especially if it's Paul Heyman and Dutch Mantell cutting promos on each other. Still waiting for Big Show to hang it up. I guess there's a reason for this match to happen... kind of. Swagger quickly goes for a waistlock, with no luck. Show gives him the Giant Slap, effectively ending Great Khali's usefulness in the offense department. Swagger blocks a boot and goes to work in the left knee. Swagger's "We The People" chant lost a bit of luster now that Cesaro is gone. Swagger clips the knee and hits a pair of Swagger Bomb's for two. Show hobbles around making his Big (Slow) Comeback. Swagger counters the Chokeslam with a victory roll into the Patriot Lock! HOLY CRAP that looked good. Show fights back to his feet and the KO Punch wins it at 6:10. Feh. Swagger should've gone over, but Big Show has to win all the time. *1/2 Swagger's offense looked good, Big Show not-so-much.
Final Thoughts: This is one of those shows that can full under the following: If you caught it, you probably had a decent time watching it, but if you didn't, you didn't miss anything worth going out of your way to see. I enjoyed the show from start to finish, despite a lack of a "stand out" match. The Battle Royale kinda' stunk, but it was really short, and the right person (well, one of the few options) went over. I could've gone for Swagger going over Big Show, but he looked good regardless. The stuff involving Hornswoggle with 3MB seemed ridiculous, but it was meant to be a comedy match, so it's cool. Good to see Barrett getting another push. The crowd seems like they want to get behind him, but with the hot-and-cold directions of the creative team, it's hard to keep the faith.
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