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WWF at Kiel Auditorium - August 10, 1984
by erick von erich

Typically, WWE Classics On Demand likes to air "Old School" stuff from Boston Garden, Madison Square Garden, Maple Leaf Garden or even something from the Los Angeles Sports Arena. So it's definitely a curve ball to see them dust off a house show from the Kiel Auditorium in St. Louis. Vince McMahon is solo as the cameras show us that he's flanked by several fans with dapper mustaches. This might have been a syndicated weekly show, as Vince introduces it as "Superstars of Professional Wrestling" (as opposed to "Sports Entertainment", which must've pained him greatly). I'd guess that the local St. Louis TV channel ran several cards under the same banner, regardless of wrestling organization. But with so much going on in the World Wrestling Federation, let's get down to ringside for...

Match 1: Magnificent Muraco (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Brian Madden
Muraco comes out in a shirt reading: "International Bodyguards Association". That's pretty much the most interesting thing in this match. To bore the crowd to death, Muraco takes Madden to the mat, but the jobber bridges out and changes it into a hammerlock. And there's your high spot of the match. Madden does it a second time, but Muraco gouges him in the eyes, whips him to the turnbuckle, then plants him with the reverse piledriver to get the pin. BOOM! Madden's done.

Match 2: Junkyard Dog vs. Max Blue
Blue's probably a local guy with...blue trunks. He's kinda' old and stocky, but fairly animated in his expressions. JYD still has poofy hair, and, yeah, this is his official debut in the WWF! JYD controls most of the match with a series of headbutts and chinlocks. JYD even goes extreme...with a Russian leg sweep for a quick 1 count. The big thumping powerslam turns Blue into a deep purple splotch as JYD gets the win.

Match 3: Nikolai Volkoff vs. John Phillips
Phillips has no relation to tuba innovator John Phillips Sousa. At least, not to the best of my knowledge. Nikolai comes in with entrance music (!) and sings a different version of the "Russian Anthem". It's not the familiar "Hiiiiii-yo-splen-o-sayy--veeee" rendition and apparently a different tune altogether. Nikolai uses his powerful arsenal of Kicks and Punches to toss Phillips around, until he finishes him off with his press-slam, rib-breaker finisher.

Match 4: WWF Heavyweight Championship:
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. George "The Animal" Steele (w/Mr. Fuji)

George peforms his usual flailing arm technique, but Hogan scares him away with some muscle poses. George runs to the outside, but Hogan follows him out and atomic drops him on the floor. Back inside, Steele goes to the eyes, bites Hogan's beak, then pulls out his trusty Foreign Object. George goes into his usual schtick by hiding the object from the ref. Hogan finally makes a comeback with a slam and charging elbow. He goes for the big legdrop, but Fuji interfers and tosses the SALT in his eyes. Hogan is "blind" and tumbles outside the ring, allowing George to win by countout! Most likely, this was the typical "Hogan House Show Program", where he lost the first match to a heel by countout or a screwy disqualification, thus setting up the second "revenge match" next month.

Match 5: Tony Garea vs. Ken Patera
McMahon makes a big deal out of how Patera chooses to act like an asshole in his everyday life. Patera starts off by "hammering away" (tm, Vince McMahon), until Garea catches him in an armdrag and elbows his shoulder. Patera whips him off, drops down and catches him with an elbowsmash. Patera stomps away, gets a 2 count, then a chinlock happens. Garea punches his way back, delivers a backdrop and a shoulderblock, but gets tossed outside. Garea comes back in via a sunset flip and scores a quick 2. He tries to roll-up Patera from behind, but Patera hooks the ropes and Garea knocks himself silly on the mat. Elbowdrop and a full nelson help Patera pick up the win. Probably the best match of the card, thus far. Not that that's saying much.

Match 6: The Spoiler vs. Billy Travis
Spoiler is introduced as the "National Heavyweight Champion"...yet carries no belt. I'd have to check the records, but I think Spoiler was an NWA champ of some sort, at the time. Spoiler starts off by powering Travis into the ropes, then climbing up to the second rope to deliver and elbowsmash. Spoiler is all over the ropes, using them for leverage and choking. Travis makes a small mutter with a charging shoulderblock, but then gets tossed through the ropes and eats floor. Spoiler pulls him back in, and catapults him, neck-first, under the bottom rope. Spoiler grabs Travis' arm and starts to walk the top rope... but falls and draws some laughs from the crowd. Travis breaks his grip and hits a drop-kick, but misses another and gets tossed out again. He makes it back in via a sunet flip attempt, but Spoiler blocks it and cranks on a claw hold. Travis gives up about about 20 seconds. Amusing line from McMahon as he evokes Spoiler's World Class connections by saying: "he's known for the Devastation of that Claw hold!".

Match 7: Pat Patterson vs. "Cowboy" Bob Orton
Both guys get boo'ed in their introductions. Orton attacks Patterson when his back's turned and beats him into the corner. More stompy/kicky until a chinlock happens. Orton lands a kneedrop, but Patterson fights back and catapults him into the turnbuckles. Patterson slams him, then splits his legs on the ringpost and works the knees, culminating in a figure four leglock. Orton reaches the ropes to break, but Patterson comes right back with a half-crab. Patterson keeps grabbing the leg, which allows Orton to smack him with a spinning kick. Press-slam/rib-breaker (Nikolai's finisher) gets 2 for Orton. Patterson tries a roll-up off the ropes, gets 2, but Orton reverses it, pulls the tights and scores the 3. This match beat out Patera/Garea for Best of Show...but again, that's not saying much.

Match 8: Michael Hayes, Terry Gordy & Buddy Roberts (w/Dave Wolff) vs. Max Blue, Jerry Valiant & Alexis Smirnoff
Yup, it's part of the Fabulous Freebirds' six-week sojourn to the WWF. It's common rasslin' fan knowledge by now, but they have Dave Wolff with them, Cyndi Lauper's manager. Hayes starts it off with a moonwalk, then locks up with Smirnoff. All three Freebirds tag in to beat on Valiant and Blue for awhile, but Smirnoff manages to get the advantage on Roberts. Quick match, as it ends when Gordy lifts Valiant into a bearhug, so Roberts and Hayes can hit him with a double clothesline. Gordy then covers to score the pin.

Match 9: Kamala (w/Friday) vs. Salvatore Bellomo
Egads, I'm thinking Bellomo's entering my Stable of Scorn n' Suck, with the Barbarian, Raven, Marty Jannetty, Afa and Sika. To further his membership application, Bellomo cartwheels away from Kamala. He's got spirit, yes he do! He's got spirit, how 'bout YOU?! Kamala soon catches him as goes all punchy/choky. Bellomo tries a flying bodypress, but Kamala no-sells it and shoves him off. Kamala whips him to the ropes for double-chop to the throat. Big splash and Kamala mercifully ends the Bellomo Portion of the card.

Match 10: Afa, Sika & Samu vs. Dick Murdoch, Adrian Adonis & Big John Studd
Dammit! Just when I get rid of Bellomo, the Samoans arrive!! I jinxed myself by mentioning he Stable of Scorn n' Suck. But it's not so bad, as Samu does most of the work. He's the Samoan I don't mind too much. Adonis chops him, but Samu reverses an Irish whip and delivers 2 backdrops. Murdoch comes in and gets knocked around by all 3 Samoans. You can bet a HEADBUTT was in there, somewhere. Murdoch and Adonis take turns bumping like mad, until Samu is whipped and the ropes break! Someone alert Gorilla Monsoon! The ring was NOT "specially reinforced for this contest"!! There's an awkward pause as everyone slows down and they try to re-group. Studd comes in, delivers ONE shot and tags back out. Murdoch and Adonis go to work on Samu's arm as he plays Samoan in Peril for the rest of the match. Samu manages a despeartion slam on Adonis, but the heels cut off the ring and he can't tag out. Samu picks up Studd for a slam...but that trick never works... as Studd falls on him and scores a 2 count. Samu appears to have Murdoch pinned after a sunset flip, but Murdoch made the blind tag to Adonis. Samu backdrops Adonis, but gets cut off again. Studd comes in, gets HEADBUTTED and Samu finally makes the hot tag to Afa. All 6 guys enter the ring and it's Pandemonium (tm, Gorilla Monsoon). In the confusion, Adonis blindsides Samu with an elbowdrop. Studd, still the legal man, makes the cover and gets the 3.

Match 11: Rocky Johnson vs. "Dr.D" David Schultz
What could top off a card full of boring matches, Salvatore Bellomo and the Samoans?! Why, NEW shitty commentary on this match from the WWE's modern-day crew of Matt Striker and Josh Matthews. This match and the final bout originally had no commentary, so these two turds have floated to the top to enlighten us with stupid trivia and incredibly un-funny observations about 1984. Stuff like: "look at that guy's shirt! I need one like that". Dr.D clubs away and kneelifts Rocky, then whips him for an elbow smash and a 2 count. Out of nowhere, Rocky hooks a small package for his first and only move of the match -- and pins Schultz.

Match 12: Ivan Putski vs. Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Jesse attacks right away, but Putski storms back with a series of clubberin' forearms. They fight over an overhead wristlock, then grapple to the mat where Putski gets 2. Putski with a series of kicks to send Jesse bailing. Putski chases him ouside, but gets caught with a Ventura Stomp upon re-entering the ring. Jesse jabs him in the throat and works the arm for a bit. Putski shoves Jesse to the ropes, then blasts him with the Polish Hammer (double axe-handle or haymaker). Jesse hops out of the ring and heads back to the locker room, preferring to lose by count-out. Putski grabs the house mic and bellows: "Polish Power!!"

Why'd You Tape This??
I want my disc back. This was an abyssmal card and a true waste of time and a DVD. Only redeeming aspect is seeing a rare "Freebirds in the WWF" match. But that's maybe only 4 minutes of "fun". Jobber squashes, horrible commentary, bad matches and Salvatore Bellomo make this show a frickin' nightmare.

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