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TNA Impact! - August 19, 2005
by erick von erich
What the HECK?
So it's an occassional Impact Recap, back from a drought of 3 weeks. The show opens
with Mike Tenay recapping the last TNA PPV, "Sacrifice". 3 Live Kru reunited to
the "delight" of fans. Samoa Joe won a big trophy...and it wasn't busted after the match!
Rhino gored Gored GORRRRED Raven through a table. For this brief moment, Rhino was
My Favorite Rassler Ever. Noteworthy to mention that Tenay delivered the review
without hollering or shouting.
Samoa Joe vs. Jerrelle Clark
Samoa Joe, the Samoan Submission Machine from the Isle of Samoa. And here I thought
he was from Boise, Idaho. Joe pummels Clark with charging kicks and chops. Clark runs
into the corner and tries a moonsault, of which Joe simply walks away from. Joe bounces
off the rope with a senton butt splash for 2. Clark reverses an armbar, then springboards
off the top rope right into a chokelsam from Joe. Joe follows up with
the overhead "Muscle Buster" and the "Kokina Klutch" choke to get the submission win.
Afterwards, Christopher Daniels runs in, dressed in stylin' Mervyn's Men's apparel to
smack Joe with the X Division belt. Joe fights him off until A.J. Styles runs in
and dropkicks both men out of the ring.
Back from the break, and Shane Douglas is trying to inteview a door. Things go downhill
as it opens and Larry Zbyszko and Jeff Jarret walk out, arguing about Rhino's
Chris Candido Memorial Tag Team Tournament First Round Match
Shocker & Chris Sabin vs. Simon Diamond and Mikey Batts
Supposedly the tournament's gimmick is that each team pairs up a young guy with
an older guy. Of course, in most cases "older" equates to about 3 years. Batts and Sabin
start by tradng armdrags, countering and criss-crossing the ring. Sabin
does a cheerleader cartwheel and dropkicks Batts in the chin for 2. Shocker comes
in for a doubleteam irishwhip and step ladder flying forearm. Dimaond runs in
to attempt a save and gets a double drop toehold, right into Batts' ummm.... sack.
Double dropkick sends Diamond out of the ring. Commercial break and we come back
to Shocker suplexing Batts, corkscrew elbowdrop and a slam. Diamond trips
up Sabin, allowing Batts to land a charging hurracanrana. Heels work
over Sabin for awhile. A chinlock happens. Diamond hits four consecutive
vertical suplexes in what he calls the "Simon Series"...not
to be confused with the Simon System. Sabin finaly spings off the second rope
with a flying back elbow and makes the tag to Shocker. Shocker pummels
Batts and powerbombs him for 2. Sabin returns with a thurst kick for Batts, then
his cradleshot finisher to get the pin.
Commercial breaks tries to pump up a "best of Jeff Hardy" DVD. Buy it and you'll
get a FREE....wristband. If you don't buy it, you'll get TWO wristbands!
Shane Douglas is backstage with "Alpha Male" Monty Brown. Brown rips on
Kip James,... then somehow ties it into Rhino, Jeff Jarrett, Rhino and that the
NWA title is coming back to the Serengetti. After the interview Shane, as always,
wipes his face and LOOKS CONCERNED.
Sonny Siaki (w/Apolo) vs. Rhino
Siaki chops, armdrags, shakes a turd down his leg and drops a leg for 1. Rhino
retaliates with a powerbomb lift and drops Siaki, face-first, into
the top tunrbuckle. Rhino goes to the Greco-Roman rope choke. Quick brawl and
then another chinlock happens, courtesy of the Man-Beast. Siaki gets a
kick to the chin and a flying reverse neckbreaker. Siaki whips Rhino to the ropes
and leapfrogs. Rhino suddenly hits the GORE to get the pin. Rhino gets the house
mic to breathe heavy, announce "GORE GORE GORE" and threaten Raven.
Raven appears at the top of the entrance ramp, muttering some stupid lines. Raven enters the ring
and SECURITY tries to control things. Rhino gores him through the security guards.
Chris Candido Memorial Tag Team Tournament First Round Match
B.G. James & Cassidy Riley vs. Ron "the Truth" Killings & Sonjay Dutt
Forgot to mention in past weeks that Sonjay is announced as being from
"India". So I guess his billing address is simply "Sonjay Dutt, India". Good
to know. Cassidy is dressed up like Raven, so I guess that shitty angle is still looming.
Killings and Riley criss cross and trade shoulderblocks. James tags in, gives
Killings a quick MAN-HUG, then both match wobbly leg dance moves with each other.
Both partners come in to argue with the Kru..so the Kur pairs off and nails their
corresponding opponents. Killings works an armbar on Riley, then hits a flying
forearm. Dutt and Riley go at for awhile. Dutt gets a few kicks and
Riley gets a nice bulldog. Time for the 4-way brawl as James delivers a pumphandle
slam to Dutt while Riley delivers a brainbuster to Killings. Riley goes to cover
Killings, but James makes the save. Argument ensues and James hits Riley with
a pumphandle slam! Dutt hops up to the top and
lands a 450 splash on Riley to get the 3 count.
James Mitchell is below the bleachers with Abyss. If Abyss doesn't get
a title shot, he'll "cripple everyone in his path". Mitchell even
threatens Larry Zbyszko's golf clubs!
NWA Tag Team Championship:
Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas vs. A-1 & Eric Young
The Naturals (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Team Canada
It's been three weeks, so it must be time for another Team Canada tag title shot!
Typical 4-way brawl to start, with Eric Young overselling. Doubleteam clothesline on A-1 gets
2. Stevens with a quick rollup and a standing dropkick. Naturals work on EY for a bit.
Waitaminut....Jimmy must be proud: "work on him baby, work on him!"
An armbar happens. Douglas hits his own dropkick for 2. Young whips
Douglas into an awaiting knee from A-1 and gains control. A-1 pounds on
Douglas and nails a hangman's neckbreaker. I dunno'..but when A-1
jaws into the camera, I'm reminded of Lex Luger. Young and Douglas
do a sloppy roll-through backslide thingie. A-1 gets a nice tunraround
powerslam for 2. EY misses a legdrop and bounces around on the mat. Hot tga to Stevens
who enters with a flying forearm and leg lariat for A-1. Overhead spinebuster
slam on EY gets 2. Natural Disater on EY..1..2... Petey Williams and Booby Roode
suddenly run in for the DQ. Holy shit-- that's Billy Jack Haynes!! Err..my mistake,
Roode just needs to shave. Canadian beatdown until America's Most Wanted arrives to make
the save. Team Canada leaves, while AMW and the Naturals come to blows. The timekeeper
keeps ringing the bell for added effect.
Why'd You Watch This?
TNA's getting a slot on Spike TV soon, so they've got something to shoot for. There's still
not alot of suspense on these Impact shows..since the division between "Stars" and "Jobbers"
is still apparent. Do they expect us to honestly belive that guys like Batts, Clark, Siaki
and David Young will beat guys like Abyss, Jarrett or Styles? If the Spike deal
works out for them, they'll need to expand the roster a bit. As it, there's roughly
10 premier guys and they can only make so many feud/match-up combos out of those 10.
But it's still mildly entertaining rasslin', with minimal soap opera crap.
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