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UWF Fury Hour - December 17, 1990
by Scrooge McSuck
- Last week on The Fury Hour™... The Main Event of Cactus Jack vs. "Chief Jay Strongbow" ended with a predictable Disqualification, because even knock-off Strongbow can't job clean... Larry Zbyszko continues to parade around with the AWA Title, and frustrate me with having to spell his name... The Viking (Tony Halme) crippled another creampuff... Don Muraco is coming to UWF because it's the place to be... Louie Spicolli and The Wild Thing worked a match, thinking it was a Raw after WrestleMania crowd.
- We open the show, recapping the saga of Col. DeBeers. Tonight, referee Larry Sampson will officiate a match between DeBeers and a MYSTERY OPPONENT. Then we promote the tapings on January 9th in New York called "The Rumble in the Big Apple." Call (516) 587-4UWF to see who owns that phone number now, if anyone.
- Taped on December 6th, 1990 from the Reseda Country Club in Reseda, CA. We have a change in the commentary booth: Herb Abrams is out (YAY!), and Craig DeGeorge is in (... YAY?). Oh God, even if that's an improvement, DeGeorge and Sammartino had zero chemistry in the few times they called matches together in the WWF.
Ivan Koloff vs. Matt Starr:
Whatever happened to that rivalry between Ivan and Nikita Koloff? Lockup and Koloff with a school boy for two. That would've been the quickest squash in history had the hand slapped the canvas one more time. Starr with rights. Whip to the corner and he runs into a boot. Starr tries to counter a wrist-lock, but Koloff casually yanks the hair to interrupt his progress. Koloff with a drop toe hold into a front face-lock. Starr's sunset flip attempt backfires. Koloff with a knee across the chest for two, followed by a swinging neck breaker. He chokes Starr across the rope and sits down across the back. He makes an unlikely trip to the top and hits a flying fist to the chest that DeGeorge calls the Flying Sickle, and that's good for three at 4:15. Post-match, Koloff whips Starr with his chain, likely a Russian chain. Abrams decides to be a ringside interviewer and claims Koloff uses the chain to win all of his matches, but Koloff rightfully tells him he's wrong. Then he (Herb) name drops Nikolai Volkoff, who technically was done with WWF, so he might've made an appearance.
- Steve Williams is standing by with comments, complete with footage of a pull-apart brawl he had with Mr. Wonderful, Paul Orndorff.
"The Rock" Don Muraco vs. The Intern:
UWF in-ring debut for Muraco. The Intern is our jobber friend that has played "Davey Meltzer" and "The Patriot" in earlier shows, looking as dumpy as ever. Muraco looks to have had better days, physically. Lockup and they trade arm drags, followed by trading hip throws (yes, I'm aware it's basically the same move). Muraco with a side headlock and a shoulder tackle. The Intern tries the same, but ends up on his butt. Muraco with a pair of slams, sending the Intern to the floor for a breather. Intern with a few strikes and the world's worst bulldog into the turnbuckle. Whip to the corner and Muraco comes right back with a clothesline. Muraco finally finishes with the "Reverse Piledriver" at 3:52. How good is the money that Muraco sold for this goof? Muraco name drops Iceman King Parsons in his post-match interview, another name we haven't seen (yet).
- Don Muraco with a pre-taped promo hyping the tapings on January 9th, challenging Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. Again, he was between contracts with the WWF at the time of this episode.
B. Brian Blair vs. Riki Ataki:
Don't forget, Blair is in one of the few developing angles where his manager, Honey, was viciously attacked by Bob Orton Jr (managed by John Tolos) on the November 26th episode (according to the recap). No Honey in the corner of Blair today. Blair says in his pre-match promo that Honey suffered a mild concussion. Keep sending those cards to her. Ataki attacks before the bell and hits Blair with a clothesline. Too bad Herb isn't on PBP to call that a "Pearl Harbor job." Ataki works a chin-lock, but Blair fights to his feet, dropping Ataki on his head. Blair sends him to the corner and rakes his face across the top rope. He plants Ataki with a slam and comes off the middle rope with a bionic elbow. Blair with a suplex and a knee across the forehead. Whip and Blair with a power-slam. He saps on "The Scorpion", but Bob Orton Jr. runs in at 3:16 for a Disqualification.
Blair catches him coming, sends him to the corner, and slaps on a sleeper. Tolos comes in and comes off the middle rope with an axe-handle. Orton uses the distraction to come from behind with a knee to the back and plants Blair with a delayed vertical suplex. He takes a shot at the referee for trying to break things up and keeps putting the boots to the Killer B. Tolos whips him with his belt to add further insult. Captain Lou Albano shows up with Honey's stinger and pokes him in the booty to finally clear the ring. Wait, you're telling me LOU ALBANO did a run-in save in 1991? Now if he was only dressed as Super Mario.
- Captain Lou's Corner with The Wild Thing. The graphic on the screen actually identifies him as "Steve Ray", but he's yet to be called anything but "Wild Thing." He talks about doing the nasty, in and out of the ring. I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but he sounds like someone Vince Russo would love. Albano says Wild Thing is a man who wears panties on his head, and he's going to the right place, New York City. He's not soft, he's not hard, he's just playing hard-ball. Well, this was a waste of my time. Innuendo after innuendo.
- Herb Abrams and Bruno Sammartino are sitting in front of "The Box Office" via terrible green screen effect. They continue to promote the "Rumble in the Big Apple", and have matches announced for the historic night of UWF action! Larry Zbyszko defends "his title" against David Sammartino. B. Brian Blair WITH CAPTAIN LOU in his corner takes on "Cowboy" Bob Orton. In a SPECIAL TV MATCH, Greg Valentine takes on Don Muraco.
- Ask The Wrestlers! This week the letter is addressed to Niikita Koloff from "Tom Farrell" in Wassaic, NY. That's a real city, yet my Microsoft Word doesn't recognize the city. The letter asks Nikita about his strained relationship with Ivan Koloff, including the use of "wrestling as a rule breaker." Unfortunately, the letter was intercepted by Ivan, and he answers himself, making sure to bury Nikita since I'm sure we won't see him again.
"The Wild Thing" Steve Ray vs. The Blue Knight:
What self-respecting fan would let this pervert handle their children with his dirty hands? Who knows when he last washed them after handling a nasty pair of panties. Blue Knight attacks from behind, but Wild Thing no-sells it. Knight with a rake of the eyes and some shin kicks. Whip across the ring is reversed and Wild Thing follows into the corner with a Stinger Splash. Ray with a side headlock and shoulder tackle, followed by a sloppy arm drag into the arm-bar. Knight forces a break and gets some cheap shots against the ropes. The rally is short-lived, as he meets a boot and gets caught in a side head-lock. He goes for the mask, but the Knight rolls out of the ring. Back inside, the Knight ends up on the losing end of a shoving contest. Ray ducks a wild right, connects with an atomic drop, and throws the Knight around with two more ugly arm drags. You'd think if you're bad at something, you'd eventually stop. Knight with a blatant low-blow, but the referee doesn't call for the bell. Wild Thing shrugs it off and pounds away. Whip and Ray with a clothesline for two. He finishes with a Powerbomb at 6:00. Too long, and some sloppy spots make it worse.
Col. DeBeers vs. MYSTERY OPPONENT:
Larry Sampson is the referee for the match, just to get under DeBeers' skin for being a racist from South Africa. The Mystery Man turns out to be... Louie Spicolli
? That can't be serious. DeBeers wants Sampson out of the ring, but he won't back down. The smart crowd chants "Cutie Pie" in support of Spicolli. Lockup to the corner and DeBeers pounds away. He blocks being rammed to the buckle and gives DeBeers a taste of the turnbuckle pad instead. Whip and Spicolli with a dropkick. DeBeers regains control, but Spicolli escapes a piledriver attempt. Whip to the corner and Spicolli with an elbow for two. DeBeers clicks his heels across the head of Spicolli. I can honestly say I've never seen that spot before. Whip to the corner and DeBeers side-steps a charge. He plants Spicolli with a forward slam from a piledriver position, but picks the shoulder up at two. Suplex for another "two count." DeBeers with a snap mare and stomp to the face. He uses his knee to drive Spicolli face-first to the canvas, and finally finishes with the DDT at 4:37. Sampson pulls DeBeers off Spicolli, but DeGeorge incorrectly calls him "Sanders." Suddenly, Iceman King Parsons shows up to send DeBeers running like a scalded dog.
- Barry O was advertised to appear this week, at the very beginning of the show in fact, but he clearly wasn't featured this hour.
Final Thoughts: No feature matches this week. Don Muraco and Iceman King Parsons made their UWF debuts, but who knows how long they'll stick around. They continued to push the Blair/Orton angle, and even added Captain Lou to the mix. Looks like Parsons will be the African-American representative to challenge DeBeers. Knowing where the company goes, with the sporadic tapings and use of certain talent, it's hard to really be invested in anything since a new set of tapings almost feels like an automatic reset unless you are Dr. Death Steve Williams.
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