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UWF Fury Hour - October 22, 1990
by Scrooge McSuck
- Televised on SportsChannel America, taped on October 11th, 1990 from the Reseda Country Club in Reseda, CA. That means itís a brand-spanking-new taping cycle, with Bruno Sammartino and Herb "Mr. Electricity" Abrams actually sitting at ringside to call the action. I think. Personally, Iím hoping for some more "Chief Jay Strongbow." Last week on the Fury Hour, Mr. Wonderful and Dr. Death went to an inconclusive finish, Col. DeBeers continues to belittle poor Larry the Referee, and Iíve seen two of the worst matches produced for TV in 1990 featuring a Fake Jay Strongbow and a faker Dave Meltzer.
- Expected to see this week... "The Russian Bear" Ivan Koloff, "The Bounty Hunter" from Parts Unknown, Nikita Koloff, David Sammartino, "The Unpredictable" Cactus Jack, "Olympic Strongman" Ken Patera, in the feature match "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs. "Cowboy" Bob Orton, and another edition of the Captainís Corner.
Ivan Koloff vs. Stephen DeLeon:
Itís always a great sign when the production team mistakes Ivan for Nikita. Sure, he only has 20 years on him, but they are basically identical, right? Bruno puts over the fact that Koloff beat him for the World Championship way back in the early 70ís. Never a good idea to point out how old someone is when the tidbit is that long ago. Iíve seen DeLeon do syndicated job duty for the WWF, but otherwise, heís as faceless to me as Riki Ataki. Lockup into the ropes and Koloff with a cheap shot. He takes DeLeon down with a roll up but only gets two. Whip to the ropes and Koloff with an elbow. They manage to salvage a nearly-blown sunset flip spot. Koloff with a snap mare and boots to the face. DeLeon tries for a twisting body press but blows it spectacularly. Koloff pounds away with forearms, punishing us by letting this turd continue. The scrub canít even take a bump through the ropes without nearly blowing it. Koloff beats on him all around the ring, but doesnít let it end with a Count-Out. I think Bruno just pronounced "sadist" as "saddest." Whip to the ropes and Koloff chokes him down. Do we need an abdominal stretch spot?! Koloff with a pair of leg drops. Koloff to the top rope with a clothesline, and itís finally over at 6:18. -* Another negative star "squash." Iím already missing Davey Meltzer. At least then I have something to work with. Post-match, Koloff whips DeLeon with his chain.
The Bounty Hunter (w/ "The Golden Greek" John Tolos) vs. Michael Moore:
No idea who the Bounty Hunter is, probably just a local scrub under the mask otherwise it would make sense to use every bit of named talent available. Moore uses his "speed" to frustrate his masked opponent. Tolos grabs the ankle of Moore, allowing the Hunter to work him over and plant him with a running powerslam. He covers and picks him up because Koloff forgot to do it in the previous match. Bounty Hunter with a slam and forearm across the throat. Whip to the ropes and he connects with a dropkick. Whip to the ropes and a sloppy spine-buster, followed by an awful splash for three at 2:37. At least it was reasonably timed for the purpose it had.
"The Russian Nightmare" Nikita Koloff vs. Riki Ataki:
How did Koloff get suckered into working for this joke of a promotion? He would be back in WCW by the beginning of 1991, so he definitely doesnít hang around. Ataki attackies from behind before the bell. Koloff is wearing tape on his ribs, selling an injury that hasnít even happened! Koloff gets a boot up to counter a charge and throws Ataki across the ring with a hip toss. Whip to the ropes and Koloff with an elbow. Someone tell Abrams to take a chill-pill. He sends Ataki to the corner and rushes in with another elbow. He winds up and finishes with the Russian Sickle, and itís all over at 1:28. Iím assuming Nikita was paid by the minute. Ivan Koloff comes in afterwards and attacks Nikita with his "Russian" chain. If only he didnít tape the ribs, maybe Ivan wouldnít have targeted them.
No Disqualification Match:
David Sammartino vs. Cactus Jack:
Brunoís Son gets another showcase match, the third in four weeks, and itís a rematch from the inaugural episode where Cactus was DQíed for attacking the referee. Cactus attacks before the bell and pounds away in the corner. Whip across the ring and he takes David over with a back drop. He chokes Sammartino with his jacket. Cactus with choking and biting in the corner. We take it to the floor, with Cactus Jack still in control of the action. He charges again, and this time David back drops him onto the concrete. David with a series of vicious chops and rights, followed by a chair shot across the back. Whip to the ropes, David with a boot to the midsection and knee to the back. He takes Cactus over with a snap mare and drops a knee across the forehead. Cactus retaliates by going low. Bruno suggests it be ruled a DQ... in a No DQ Match. Cactus drops him across the top rope, tangling him in the ropes in the process. Back to the floor and Cactus slams a garbage can across Sammartinoís back. Cactus with a leg drop across the midsection and hooks a short-lived chin-lock. Cactus with slaps and Sammartino with rights and lefts. Cactus nails Sammartino with a foreign object and rolls him up for three at 7:19. Abrams is disgusted by the tactics and that the referee didnít see it, DESPITE BEING NO DQ! **1/2 Match of the Year candidate, as far as matches representing UWF are concerned, but the commentary is just brutal.
"The Olympic Strongman" Ken Patera vs. Robbie Allen:
Oh God, KEN PATERA?! What rock did someone throw through a McDonaldís window did they find him living under? Lockup and a sorry ass "shove" to demonstrate his strength advantage. Allen grabs a headlock but stands no chance on a shoulder tackle. Patera with a snap mare, followed by a slam. Crowd chants "Jailbird" at Patera, so maybe heís NOT the babyface? He takes Allen over into a pin, but lifts him up. STOP. DOING. THAT. MOTHER. F*CKING. SPOT! Bruno actually suggests Patera was INNOCENT of his criminal charges and says a fan framed him. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Whip to the ropes and Patera with an elbow, followed by a clothesline. Patera with a slam, and finally the Full Nelson finishes at 4:19. I think I broke more of a sweat drinking a Pepsi compared to Pateraís work. I would give this negative stars for the ridiculous commentary, but then every match would be dead red. Post-match, the Richard Simmons look-a-like rips on the crowd to show that heís a jerk.
- Captain Louís Corner, with this weekís special guest... Ken Patera. Come on, we just sat through a boring Patera match. Now we get to hear him cut a terrible promo? Albano calls him the "manís strongest man", because we arenít allowed more than one take. Patera mentions being mentored by Albano back in Madison Square Garden. Patera badmouths Sammartino (Bruno, not David), but Albano thinks he should show respect (if it were David, he probably wouldíve agreed with him).
- Promos from Billy Jack Haynes and THE VIKING. No, not John Nord, a.k.a The Berzerker.
"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs. "Ace Cowboy" Bob Orton Jr.:
Feature Match of the Weekô. This probably headlined some B-Shows for the WWF in the Summer of 1985. Lockup into the corner and we get a clean, but not quite calm, break. Orndorff with a side headlock, but Orton fights out with an overhead wrist-lock (and a handful of hair). Orndorff turns it around with his own wrist-lock. Orton tries using an arm drag to counter, but Orndorff hangs on. Orton with a shoulder tackle and back-slide for two. Orndorff blocks a slam and counters with his own. Orton sells the back, but it turns out to be a lie as he cheap shots Orndorff with a left jab. Orton takes it outside the ring and drives an elbow across the throat. Back inside and Orton with a short-clothesline. Whip to the ropes and Orndorff comes back with an uppercut. Orndorff with fist to the midsection. Whip to the corner, Orndorff with a clothesline, followed by the elbow drop. They slug it out and the poor camera man goes down. Orton with a pair of shoulder tackles. Orndorff side-steps a third, tossing Orton over the top rope. Orndorff with a knee to the head, and Orton gets Counted-Out at 7:33 despite Orndorff technically interrupting the count. *1/2 Cheap finish, as expected. The work was alright, but this didnít get a chance to really get going. Post-match, Orton complains about the referee botching the count, and rightfully so.
Next Week on the Fury Hour: "The Russin Bear" Ivan Koloff takes on his nephew, the "Russian Nightmare" Nikita Koloff! Iím guessing it either ends in a Double DQ or a Count-Out.
Final Thoughts: I guess weíre done with the Dan Spivey/Brian Blair angle, as weíve seen Blair in a new commercial advertising UWF merchandise, but nothing with Spivey. Weíve got a short-term angle with Nikita and Ivan Koloff, and who knows if this is the end for Cactus Jack and David Sammartino. Will Bob Orton get a rematch with Mr. Wonderful? WHO IS THE VIKING? So many questions, so little time... until next week.
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