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Monday, September 25th 2017.
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IWCCW - Episode #3

by Scrooge McSuck

- Welcome to Part 3 in our trip down memory lane for the company known as International World Class Championship Wrestling (IWCCW, for short), a hybrid name that joined the ICW and the WCCW brand. After finishing the first episode, I had high hopes of some spectacularly bad wrestling and production from the IWCCW staff, and they more than delivered. However, for the second episode, it wasn't so much fun. The wrestling was bad, but in a boring bad kind of way, and while there were some editing issues, there just wasn't anything fun to write about. Hopefully this week will make up the difference. Remember, I'm going into these shows blind, hoping for the best, or in cases like this, the worst.

- Brian Webster is still hanging around to welcome us to IWCCW. Unfortunately, he only says IWCCW once in his generic "recycled over and over again" introduction, and throws it to "the ring" after 15-seconds. Maybe there's a reason why Vince McMahon and Co. have yet to purchase the rights to this stuff from the Savoldi's...

Maverick Wild vs. Flex Lavander:

Lavender comes out to Living Color's "Cult of Personality"... now I'll never think of C.M. Punk the same way! Wild looks like your typical weekend scrub, and Lavender... yeah, they try shooting him in the aisle as some big thing, then when he steps through the ropes, he's not even 6-foot tall. He's also rocking a major 80's porn-stache. Lockup, and Wild quickly goes for the arm. Lavender rakes the eyes and comes off the ropes with a clothesline. He plants Wild with a slam and comes off the ropes with a knee drop. Whip to the ropes, and he connects with a diving clothesline. Lavender with a back suplex, but he chooses not to get the three count, to further punish his opponent. There's an idea for current product: Have a heel squash a low-card guy, get too cocky, and then get pinned for it. It worked for Barry Horowitz... to a degree. Lavender with a suplex, slam, and finally finishes with a diving clothesline from the top rope at 3:16. Lavender had some decent skills in the ring, and he had an impressive physique, but being around 5'10" isn't getting you anywhere when you're trying to rock that gimmick.

- Call the Pro Wrestling Illustrated Hotline to hear all the juicy news and gossip (in Kayfabe, of course) from wrestling promotions that actually matter!

The Tasmaniacs vs. The Zebra Stripes:

We're informed that this match was indeed pre-recorded (no shit), to explain why the Tasmaniacs are brought to the ring by Tony Rumble instead of their regular manager, who's name I don't care to recall. Mako starts things off quickly, taking down Green Stripes with a pair of suplexes. Noga tags in, putting the foot to him, and catches him off the ropes with a clothesline. They blow a northern-lights suplex, so Mako beats the crap out of him and throws him overhead with a belly-to-belly suplex. Mako shoots him to the ropes and lays him out with a clothesline. Blue Stripes tags in and immediately takes a crecent kick for two. Mako with an arm drag and holds onto an armbar. Noga with a sloppy hip toss and snap suplex. Whip to the ropes and a powerslam. Noga slaps on a bridging butterfly hold and that's enough for the submission at 2:43. That was incredibly sloppy and, at times, brutal. There's being a little stiff and then there's flat-out dangerous to be in the ring with. This match fell under the latter.

The Butcher vs. The Rebel:

No, this isn't Ed Leslie taking on Dick Slater. That's way too much star power for IWCCW. What an awesoeme gimmick... a fat guy coming to the ring in a dirty apron, with a meat hook. He should team with Dr. Johnny Wildside for the greatest tag team no one ever heard of. The Rebel is called as such probably because of the rebel flag on his ass. No one has a name, I guess. Rebel grabs a headlock, but a shoulder tackle sends him bouncing off the Butcher's flab. Whip to the ropes, and the Butcher takes him around the ring before slamming him across the top rope. The Rebel gets sent to the corner and over-sells it, despite little force behind the throw. Butcher kicks away at the Rebel, which is enough in the color commentator's eyes to warrant Championship matches. He changes it up with double axehandles that would make the Honkytonk Man complain about working too loose. For a second, I almost thought the Butcher was going to pin Rebel after ramming him to a turnbuckle. Rebel tries to mount a comeback, but a clothesline is enough to slow him down. Butcher with a back breaker, followed by a leg drop. The Rebel actually blows a whip to the corner. then they repeat the spot and Butcher finishes with a front suplex at the 5:00 mark. This was uglier than watching your favorite baseball team get blown out 19-2 by their biggest rivals.

"Jumping" Joe Savoldi vs. Mike Samson (w/ G.Q. Stratus & Kevin Casey):

This match is clearly taped from the same show as the match between Samson and Dusty Wolfe from the last show we've witnessed. It's even the same geriatric referee. We're informed the terrible heel commentator is Ox Baker. That explains why he likes a lot of choking. Savoldi starts quickly with a waistlock takedown into a roll-up. Ox suggests Savoldi gain weight, BUT NOT TO USE STEROIDS, 'cause steroids are bad, m'kay? Samson sends Savoldi to the corner, but gets too worked up posing and gets sent to the floor following a double chop. Back inside, Samson works the arm, but Savoldi escapes with a mule kick. Savoldi with a pair of arm drags, followed by a dropkick. Savoldi charges into the corner, only to throw himself onto the top turnbuckle. Samson kicks away at the midsection and pounds him down to the canvas. Casey gets a cheap shot in with his golf club while the referee has his back turned. Samson with a snapmare, followed by some choking.

We return from a commercial break, and hopefully they won't do what they did last time between Atlas and Valentine and repeat the match. Samson sends Savoldi to the ropes, and Savoldi comes bouncing back with a body press for two. Savoldi shoots him to the ropes and connects with a dropkick that would make Jim Brunzell proud. He slaps on an abdominal stretch, but lets go to jaw at Casey. Samson grabs him from behind, but we get heel miscommunication as the bell rings at 6:15 to signal a Disqualification victory for Savoldi. He fights them off for a moment, but the numbers catch up to him. Suddenly THE STAR WARRIOR runs in to clean house. He has a star painted on his face and looks like a Warrior... get it? Decent match until the lame finish. Savoldi was probably the best worker for the company, but when you're the best worker in the promotion you control, does that mean much? Anyway, Savoldi and the Star Warrior shake hands because they're good guys and they're going to be friends.

- Then they replay the last three minutes, for whatever reason you want to use. They don't even bother going to a commercial break first, they just throw it back to the finish, right before Star Warrior ran in, and everything up until they threw it back to the replay. Imagine if they would've just looped that over and over. Hell, the hand-raising part is used in the commercial hyping the IWCCW phone number for booking dates!

Samu vs. Billy Madison:

Yes, that's Samu of Samoan Swat Team and Headshrinkers fame. He's going solo, but still uses the theme from Halloween as his theme music. I guess they could only afford half of the tag team. Madison's first name isn't really Billy, I don't think, but the ring announcer, Cowboy Roy, has marble mouth syndrome, so there you go. Lockup, Madison grabs a headlock, but a shoulder tackle doesn't do much. They blow a leap frog, so Samu potatoes him and lays in with chops. I guess it's PETEY Madison. Samu with a slam, but a second rope headbutt misses. Madison sends him to the ropes and takes him over with a back drop. Madison meets a crescent kick charging to the corner. Samu sets him up across the top turnbuckle and finishes him with a drifting back suplex at 1:37. That is what we would call a squash match. I guess they were paying Samu by the second, otherwise I don't see why you would hire an actual name and only showcase him for 90-seconds.

- Our voice-over announcer tells us that the Main Event is coming up next...

We're almost ouf of time, so let's throw it to Bill Apter for a Live Edition of the PWI Press Conference! He introduces us to the Honkytonk Man, who claims to be the Greatest Intercontinental Champion of all-time! Not everyone agrees with the claim, such as "Ravishing" Rick Rude, who shows up and wants a fight because he think he's the greatest Champion there ever was... so fans, it's up to you... Who is the Greatest? Who had the Most Devastating Neck Breaker (who cares)? Send your votes to "Who", P.O. Box 6314 Parsippany, NJ, 07054! I didn't know Jim Neidhart had a P.O Box out in Jersey. Damn WWF said he was from Reno, NV!

... What? Yes, I recycled that paragraph from Episode #1. I was hoping something like this would happen, and there you go: three random episodes, and two of them featured the phantom angle between Rick Rude and the Honkytonk Man. I was hoping to see Tony Atlas versus Vic Steamboat every week, but I guess this is a bit more popular to write about. Is this how another episode is going to end? Of course not. The poor editing choice also has the lead in suggest we're getting a main event match, but instead throws it to the exact same studio lead-in from Webster about Rude and Honkytonk Man. FOR SHAME!

Dusty Wolfe vs. Tony Atlas (IWCCW Champion):

Why not finish out the broadcast, joining a match in progress, featuring the "Heavyweight Champion" squashing a WWF scrub? Atlas traps Wolfe in the corner and pounds away across the back with forearms. Whip to the ropes and he connects with a crummy looking clothesline. I guess Tony Rumble is acting as Atlas' manager here, too. Atlas rakes the face while making Saba Simba-like faces. I can't tell if the crowd is dead and everything is piped in, or if there's a crowd at all. Only the first row is visible. Atlas with a back suplex followed by more posing. He sends Wolfe to the corner, taking a chest-first bump that would make Bret Hart hold up a 4 out of 10 sign. Wolfe offers a comeback with kicks and a thumb to the eyes. Atlas shrugs it off and comes off the top with a headbutt... and that's all. End of broadcast. Way to fucking go, IWCCW edting department. Maybe if you didn't recycle three minutes of Joe Savoldi and Star Warrior slapping penises, this wouldn't have happened.

Final Thoughts: I was hoping for some trainwreck quality stuff from IWCCW and they actually delivered! Among the bad wrestling, they replayed an entire finish to a match immediately after it happened, re-broadcasted the Rick Rude and Honkytonk Man argument over who is the greatest Intercontinental Champion (of a successful company), and then cut to black midway through the "Main Event" because the show ran too long. Brilliant! As far as the wrestling goes, here's the quick rundown: The Tasmaniacs were sloppy as shit, Joe Savoldi is the best worker in the promotion, Samu was paid to work by the second, and Tony Atlas likes making funny faces. We'll be back for one more installment of IWCCW, and from there, who knows.

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