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Monday, September 25th 2017.
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AWF Warriors of Wrestling: Episode 14

by Scrooge McSuck

- I swear, I'm not deliberately dragging feet on these, but honestly, I'm surprised I've gotten through 13 episodes without throwing this DVD set into a nearby garbage can. Anyway, we last left off with Tito Santana winning the AWF World Title, a bunch of random tag teams squashing random teams of jobbers, and the never-ending saga between Tony Atlas and Nails. Insert your own joke here for that one.

- Mick Karch and Terry Taylor are calling the action, with Ken Resnick and Chris E. (har har... yes, I've said that lame bit already, sue me) doing interviews.

The Warlord & Jeff Gaylord vs. Bobby Bradley & Sonny Rogers:

Oh Man... the freakin' Warlord? My God, how is it that all the familiar names of heels are some of the worst wrestlers imaginable?! Hercules, Mr. Hughes, Nails, and now the fucking Warlord?! Gaylord starts with Rogers. This must've been early in a taping, because the crowd is actually alive. Whip to the ropes, and Gaylord no-sells a pair of shoulder tackles, then throws Rogers over his head with a slam. Bradley tags in and gets worked over, too. Whip to the ropes, and Gaylord with a body drop. Warlord tags in (flush) and connects with a clothesline. Warlord with a delay vertical suplex, no doubt a move he learned by working with Davey Boy Smith for the entirety of 1991. Gaylord tags back in, and falls victim to the body press/dropkick spot for a cheap near fall. The 'Lords with a double clothesline. Rogers tags in and becomes the Warlord's bitch. Warlord with a boot to the face, followed by the running powerslam for three at 3:20 of Round 1. How about that... the Warlord seemed like he had a bit of fire in him for this one. Just a squash. Oh look, a nearby fan is holding a WWF figure of the Warlord! Someone call the legal department!

- "Gentleman" Chris Adams is standing by, and hey, he wants a championship match with AWF Champion, Tito Santana. He then has words for AMBASSADOR Steve Casey, because both men are British. Chris E. throws it to Ken Resnick, who's with Bob Orton Jr... he talks about Tito Santana, too.

"AMBASSADOR" Steve Casey vs. Terry Allen:

Terry Taylor outright reminds us of another wrestler known under the name of Terry Allen who's career ended thanks to a car accident. That would be Magnum T.A., to fans unfamiliar with the reference. Warrior's Corner with the SST (Samoan Swat Team), and we'll be seeing them in coming weeks. Hey look, Bill Alfonso is the referee for this one. Casey quickly takes Allen down with a backslide for a two count. Whip to the ropes, and Allen counters a clothesline with a crucifix for a two of his own. Casey with a knucklelock, followed by a stiff short-arm clothesline. Casey drops Allen throat-first across the top rope. Whip to the corner, and he plants Allen with a Samoan drop for the three count at 2:00 of Round 1. That was short work for The AMBASSADOR (sorry for all Caps, just all the emphasis on the nickname is a bit annoying). Afterwards, Casey is stopped for words by Ken Resnick. He's a heel because he makes fun of the way Americans talk.

Johnny Gunn & Jim Powers vs. Tony Ramone & Rick Rocket:

Are they still working this stupid tag team with Powers and Gunn having problems with each others manhood? Canned reactions are WAY too obvious. A bunch of girls bypass Powers to sexually molest Johnny Gunn. Here's an excuse for you to work in: I thought they were 18. I'm actually hoping for Powers to KO Gunn, just for the hell of it. Maybe if his agent got off his ass, he could get him some work. 2 Cold Scorpio is standing by in Warriors Corner, for no other reason than to cut a generic promo. Powers controls Ramone with some generic stuff. Gunn gets a slingshot plancha on the scrubs as they try and waste time. Powers brings Ramone back in and goes to work on the arm. Gunn comes in and does more of the same. Gunn blows an awkward arm drag, and Powers comes back in, connecting with a running knee lift. Powers works the arm some more, so I wait for the tag to his partner. We're counting down the time left for Round 1, as Rocket finally tags in, only to get taken down with an arm drag. Whip to the ropes, and Gunn with a sit-out powerbomb as the round ends. Wow, Rocket hitting the ropes looked like episode 1 of Tough Enough. Just bad. Round 2: Gunn works the arm of Rocket, and the team of Powers and Gunn connect with a double elbow. Powers with a delay vertical suplex. Gunn tells us to watch this, and we get a slow-motion pump-handle slam. Gunn comes crashing down with an elbow drop from the second rope. Ramone gets the tag back in, but so does Powers, and the STRAPS. ARE. DOWN. Whip to the corner, and Powers with a back drop. The Scrubs get sent into each other, and Ramone is FINALLY finished off following the Hart Attack at 2:38 of Round 2. You know, having the "two guys teaming, but not being into the partnership" is an OK idea, and them trying to one-up each other to keep the match going is swell too, but don't give them a double-team finisher.

- Ken Resnick is with the Fabulous Freebirds... sucky version. That would be the Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin version. I have a feeling they taped a bunch of promos to make up for the one match they had. Pretty sure by the time this made it to television, Hayes was already working with the WWF as Dok Hendrix (minus the mullet).

- Rico Suave (think Adrian Adonis and John Candy from Cool Runnings love child) and his tandom of Greg Valentine and Tommy Rich. Next week, they will face Koko B. Ware and Tony Atlas. Wow, THAT IS GOING TO SUCK.

- Ken Resnick is with Sgt. Slaughter ("we go back a long time...", hinting at their times in the AWA, I guess), and what is this, Intermission at WrestleMania? Slaughter has words for Tommy Rich, who just had words for Atlas and Koko. Jesus Christ, there's way too much going on, but at least we've established something between Slaughter/Rich. Then, to prove my point, Slaughter has problems with Sierra.

Fidel Sierra (w/ Sheik Adnan-Alkahassie) vs. Firefighter Jim:

"Did somebody cruise the high schools to find this guy?" OK, Terry Taylor can be funny at times. More obvious canned heat, and my god, was Sierra's last match on Warriors of Wrestling toilet bowl ugly. Why is a Sheik from the Middle East a manager of a guy from Cuba? Sierra attacks before the bell, pounding away. Warriors Corner with AWF Champion Tito Santana. He swear he isn't dodging anyone, including Bob Orton. OK... random. Sierra with a shitty knee to the midsection, followed by a lame version of the Rocker Dropper/Fame-Asser. Sierra slaps on a sleeper hold, and hey, if it's already over, then I'm cool with it. Sure enough, Jim is done at 2:23. Sierra rests the Cuban flag on his scrub opponent. They try to put over the idea that Sierra needs to revive Jim from the sleeper hold, but that's the standard of 1974, but 1995? Uh-huh... bullshit.

The Samoan Swat Team vs. Hubert Simpson & Pretty Boy Floyd:

This version of the SST is Samu and Tama, but forgive me if I confused the non-Samu one with another Samoan. I love how all the heels came out to the same music for the entire show. The SST attacks at the bell. Simpsons gets tossed to the floor, and Floyd gets body pressed into the sky. Whip to the ropes, and Tama connects with a sloppy side suplex. Samu tags in, and they connect with a double headbutt for a two count. Whip to the ropes, and Samu slams Floyd into the canvas with a handful of hair. Samu throws Floyd into Simpson to force the tag, then bitch slaps him upon entrance. Tama comes off the top with an axehandle, then slaps his belly. SST with a double chop. Samu with a second-rope DDT for the three count at 2:31. Watching the Samoans brutalize jobbers is always a fun couple of minutes.

- Jim Powers and Johnny Gunn join Resnick for some words. Nice of Gunn to change his trunks just for this occasion. Generic promo #476: We want to get to the top of the Tag Team Division. They're undefeated as a team, as well. I guess their finisher is called "The Power Blaster." I still prefer calling it the Hart Attack. Resnick sends it back to Karch and Taylor for more... and then we're told farewell. OK.

Final Thoughts: A quick-ish 45-minutes. When the saga between Jim Powers and Johnny Gunn is one of the few highlights of the show, you know there's trouble a-brewin'. All the interviews is a great example of what's wrong with this show: Too much with too little. You've got people like Sgt. Slaughter calling out two opponents, one of which is calling out other opponents for matches next week. Then you have "Warriors Corner", with promos hyping possible feuds... during matches that don't involve anyone concerning the program being pushed! I could point out the poor editing of "We'll be right back with more action after this..." and coming back from commercial with "that's all for this week, so long", but that's the least of their troubles. Next week we finally have a feature (with Tony Atlas, joy), so I'll probably get to that sometime before Thanksgiving.

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